You Could Have Come to Me
by VeraRose19
Summary: Prequel to "You're There for Me". What if Nicky had gone to Red for help at the start of season 3? Nicky doesn't go to max and her situation brings her and Red even closer. While trying to balance her role as a mother, Red also finds herself entering a new role, as the dynamic between herself and Gloria evolves into something neither of them expected. [Complete]
1. Chapter 1

**This story might be a little familiar to some of you. It is a re-work of the first story I wrote for this site, in case anyone was wondering what happened to that one. I consider it a prequel for the 3-part story "You're There For Me" that I have been working on lately. This story begins at the start of Season 3. Lines in** _ **italics**_ **were lines spoken on the actual show.**

Nicky Nichols' heart was hammering in her chest the way it always does when you know you are about to do something risky. Like jumping into shark infested waters, if Heroin was a shark. A hungry shark ready and waiting to strike. Nicky couldn't believe that she had found herself in this position, and knowing what the ramifications of her actions would be if she turned around now did not stop her from pursuing. What had started as a method of enacting revenge, had now ignited the most alluring and terrible parts of herself. It was frightening and exciting. It was surreal how deep she already jumped in.

" _It's a bad fucking plan",_ Nicky argued, glancing behind her shoulder at her accomplice, Big Boo, as she led the way down to the laundry room. She rested a hand lightly onto the toolbelt strapped around her waist. Her other hand brushed itself up the light fabric of the blue paper suit that she was wearing and found itself tangled in the mass of wild curls on her head. As if life wasn't complicated enough these days, the plague, in the form of bed bugs, had come to Litchfield.

" _It's a great fucking plan_ ," Boo replied lightly. " _Drugs in tool belt, tool belt to Luschek, Luschek to the streets, money! Don't overthink it._ "

Nicky moistened her lips and pondered, as an image of a certain red haired inmate sprung to her mind. She didn't want to think about Red right now, or about what her reaction would have been if she had heard what Boo had just said. Nicky liked to think that she would have been horrified, that she would have automatically switched into the protective mothering mode she had assumed before, whenever she had suspected Nicky was threatened. Nicky suddenly had to resist the urge to turn on her heel and run back the way she had come, but a glance at the inquisitive look on Boo's face propelled her on.

" _Yeah, I'm missing the part where you contribute"_ Nicky told her grumpily.

" _I am the fairy godmother who watches over you to make sure the plan doesn't go up your cute little nose."_ Boo told her lightly. Nicky sighed as she knelt down on the floor.

" _Great",_ Nicky joked weakly, doing her best to act like everything was okay. _"I finally get a mother who gives a sh*t about me and it's Bibbity Bobbity Big Boo!"_ The words were out before she could process them, an expression of how unattended and forgotten she had been feeling lately. For Red had called herself Nicky's mother for over two years now. And Nicky felt a flicker of guilt, but quickly dismissed it in place of the anger that was rising up inside of her.

It was all well to label Red her mother. It was nice to hope that Red would show up to handle the mess that Nicky had gotten herself into, but she couldn't stop irrationally thinking about how it was Red's fault that she had gotten herself in this situation in the first place. It was love for her that had prompted this foolhardy plan for revenge. And Nicky couldn't help but think how she wouldn't have gotten this far at all, had Red been watching after her better like she had always sworn Nicky she would. But Red had been fighting her own demons for weeks.

All Nicky had wanted was to do something powerful to express her fury that anybody would dare cross the woman she loved beyond all others. Upon hearing the news that Red was in medical after being brutally slocked by Vee Parker, Nicky had known that she needed to do something to hurt the evil assaulter where it would hurt her the most. She hadn't been thinking about how she was endangering herself in the process, handling substances that Red would have been furious to know Nicky had let herself anywhere near. Nicky hadn't been thinking about herself it all.

" _And what I'll do to you, if you use again, will hurt a lot more than this"_ , Red had threatened on their first night together, as she had held Nicky up during the very worst pains of withdrawal. That Nicky hadn't used, but was only hoarding, would not be an acceptable excuse to the older woman. And rightly so, Nicky lamented as she felt her veins twitch in her bare arms. Any exposure was dangerous.

She pretended to look shocked at discovering the empty confines of the vent, and glanced up at Boo through her big brown eyes. _Uh Boo,"_ she said, trying her best to sound surprised, _"we got a problem"._ Nicky motioned into the vent, _"somebody stole our candy"._

" _Oh, f**k!"_ Boo moaned.

XXXXX

Nicky wished that that could be the end of it. The Heroin was gone, stolen-at least that's what Boo believed. Nicky wished that that was the case. She'd have done anything to go back and change what she already done, but it was like she couldn't help herself. She just kept getting herself in deeper and deeper, taunting a hunger that she knew could not be satisfied. Giving in to it would kill her.

As soon as she left Boo, Nicky shuffled back to the dormitory. She turned into her cube, needing just a little alone time to think, but was greeted by the sight of Norma sitting before a group of her enchanted followers. "Jesus, Norma," Nicky groaned, "can you do this somewhere else?" She turned on her heel and walked into the cubicle next door, which was vacant for the time being.

She threw herself onto the bed, temporarily forgetting that all the mattresses were being burned because of the bed bugs. How anyone would be able to sleep that night remained to be seen. _"Ah, f**k!"_ Nicky cried, as her body made contact with the hard metal frame.

"What are you doing?" a thick Russian accent demanded, and Nicky looked up to see Red standing at the entrance to the cube. Dressed in a blue paper suit that matched Nicky's, Red's hair was wet from the shower and slicked back, making the bruising all around her eye and the gash on her cheek more apparent. The marks were obvious on her pale skin.

"Hey," Nicky replied gruffly. She sat up and pulled her knees into her chest, while Red walked over to her locker to put away her shower bag.

"Anything wrong?" Red asked with a frown. She shook out her towel and hung it to dry.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Nicky muttered, picking at the fabric of her paper suit. She was contemplating whether she really felt like blurting out everything that was wrong and how she had messed up and needed help in the worst of ways. Red would be angry, there was no escaping that, but she had always said that Nicky could come to her if she was struggling. However, at the same time, Nicky felt defensive. Giving Red a once over, she could see that, save for a couple of bruises on her face, she had more or less returned to her own self. And yet, Red hadn't sought out Nicky once since her return from medical.

Mother's Day had come and went. Nicky knew that Red had received a lengthy visit from her husband and three sons, but she hadn't been alloted anything more than a passing glance from the woman she had grown so close to. Resentful of Red's neglect, Nicky was bothered at how much her feelings and worries about Red's condition had been so disregarded. Red hadn't allowed Nicky to be there for her, and that made it much harder for her to ask for Red's help now.

"Uhhhh," Red groaned, as she sat down on the hard metal frame next to Nicky. Cursing under her breath in Russian, she smacked a hand over her thigh and then scratched at her ankle. "According to Chapman you can't actually feel the bugs biting," she said through gritted teeth. "That's just one of the things she comes up with in that pointy blonde head of hers."

"Yet, either way, we're all being a bug buffet", Nicky muttered, as she played with the blue material of her paper suit. Turning to look at the old woman, she nodded at the remnants of her injuries. "Well you don't you look at bad as you might have. And it seems you got out of medical with all your brain cells intact."

"I'll live," Red muttered dryly. She touched the scar on her cheek with a light finger. "It's more interesting now, or at least that's what I told Dmitri."

"Must be nice to have such a great visit from your husband and kids," Nicky muttered. Ignoring the way Red pursed her lips at the remark, Nicky glared reproachfully at her. "It must be wonderful to know there are people in this world who actually care about you."

"What do you really want, Nicky?" Red stared her down. "I still am getting headaches, and I'm in no mood for guessing games."

"Maybe I just wanted to check on you," Nicky snapped. "Because unlike you, maybe I was still under the impression that we cared about one another. And maybe I wanted to see for myself that you were okay, since you haven't said more than two f**king words to me since you got back. But you don't give a sh*t anymore, do you?".

"Nicky, I have not been avoiding you," Red looked astonished. "I've only been back for a few days. It was Mother's Day, I'm still not at my best-I've been dealing with a lot personally."

"Keep telling yourself that," Nicky muttered. "Don't you remember Mother's Day last year?" Both of their eyes met as they recalled how they had celebrated the holiday the year before. Red's sons, Maxim and Vasily, came to see her, while their older brother Yuri stayed behind to help their father run the store. Visits from her family always lifted Red's spirits, but they never made her forget what had also come to matter to her on the inside.

"You, little girl, you're why I have a reason to get up every morning and make the best of another day in this hell hole," Red had said last year, when she had gone in search of Nicky after visitation and found her sitting in the grass near the fence in the yard. It had been exactly what Nicky had needed to hear then, and what she still was yearning to hear in the present. She was her prison mother, and Nicky was her prison daughter-but they both knew that they meant even more to one another than that. Or at least they had.

"I'm getting divorced," Red announced bluntly. "I'm meeting with a lawyer tomorrow to start the process."

"Why?" asked Nicky.

"Huh," Red scoffed. "Over thirty-five years of marriage and all that it got me was a bed in prison and a partner who was always lying behind my back."

Nicky sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. She wanted to be understanding to Red's plight, but all she could think about was that her predicament was so much more crucial than Red's marital affairs. She hadn't lived with her husband in over fifteen years. He was almost like a non-entity.

"What did he lie about?" Nicky asked, trying to disguise the exasperation in her tone.

"About my store," Red said bitterly. "The market, everything I worked for and sacrificed to keep going. It's all gone. Worthless mushroom of a man."

"Well, I'm sure he tried his best," Nicky replied flatly. "Bad economy and all…"

"Whose side are you on?" Red asked angrily.

"Yours, it's just," Nicky sighed. "Come on, Red! You haven't lived with him for over a decade, so I don't see how anything he does with the store or himself could be life changing. Some of us have real problems!"She stared determinedly back at the pant leg of her paper suit and began picking at it again. She was sorry for her outburst only slightly. She needed Red to pry and ask what she needed. She needed help.

Ignoring Nicky's rudeness, Red studied the angry, and slightly flushed, girl in front of her. She looked at Nicky more closely than she had in months. She seemed twitchy and irritable, and suddenly Red was filled with a concern that hadn't been there before. "Okay," Red said after a long pause, "and what sort of life changing, real problem are you dealing with?"

Nicky chuckled, as she succeeded in finally ripping a hole in her pant leg. She was debating whether to go for shock value or play aloof for a bit. But she knew no matter how she answered, she was going to tell Red the truth. She had been prolonging the inevitable, reluctant to confess something that would go against Red's toughest rule-no drugs.

Nicky eyed her warily. "Don't hurt me," she warned her, a hand held up in surrender. "Because I am about to make you very angry." She sighed and continued to stare Red dead in the eye. "I have a large stash of heroin hidden here in the prison, and I need to get rid of it."

Red's eyes widened in alarm. She raised a hand impulsively and then brought it to her mouth, biting down on her finger as she resisted the impulse to strike the girl in front of her. "What the f**k do you mean?" Red hissed, moving her hand back to her lap.

"Exactly like I said," Nicky replied calmly. "I want it gone."

"Where did you get it?" Red demanded.

"From Vee," Nicky replied. "Boo and I stole it as revenge. I was just trying to get her back for you."

"Bullsh*t", Red snapped, "You weren't doing this for me because you know damn well that this is the last thing I would ever want you involved with!" She shook her head in fury and then said coldly, "I warned you before, what I'd do to you if you ever used again."

"Yeah, but I didn't f**king use it", Nicky said, "I want to get rid of it. I gotta get it to Luschek and then he is going to smuggle it out of the prison for me."

"For what? Money? Do you know how many things could go wrong?" Red hissed in a deadly whisper.

"That's why I'm here," Nicky admitted. "I need your help. The plan will work. Luschek won't say anything."

"Then why haven't you done it already?" Red asked coldly.

"Because I hid it from Boo, okay? I wasn't ready to let go." Nicky confessed, she tangled her hands in her hair and let out a shuddery breath. "I don't know, man, I'm an addict!"

"Well, where is it now?" Red demanded to know.

"Hidden up in the lights, in the laundry room," Nicky whispered.

"That's all I need to know," Red said stiffly. She got to her feet and gave Nicky a piercing stare. "Stay here and wait, do NOT follow me." With a final frosty look, Red walked out of the cubicle and down the hall out of the dorm. Nicky watched her go with an odd sensation of relief riddled with anxiety. She hadn't known that you could feel both at once. She leaned back against the wall and took a deep breath. Waiting was hell.


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm going to try to be better about updating this story regularly. Especially for Johanna-002 who has been with me while I've been working on another story "Disintegration", which I really love writing. That one is pretty heavy though and it was honestly depressing us both lately lol. So, I decided to take a break and focus on these happy beginnings instead. Writing this made me smile. Hope you enjoy.**

Nicky spotted her as soon as she stepped out of the building. Her vivid hair catching the sunlight was easily noticeable even from a distance. Feeling a surge of annoyance at the sight, Nicky crossed her arms and began to stomp across the courtyard in her black work boots. Focused on her destination, Nicky hurried through the huddles of inmates without pausing to give them a second glance. There was only one person she wanted to-needed to talk to right now. Slightly breathless, she approached the garden and reached her hands out to hold onto the wire fence while she waited to be noticed.

There were usually several of the older ladies puttering around, but for now it seemed like Red was on her own. Kneeling in the ground, her gloved hands worked at tilling the soil for seedlings. She hadn't looked up from her task, but Nicky knew that Red knew she was there. Her entire shadow had casted over the older woman, her hands rattled at the fence imploringly. Nicky grunted incredulously and then stepping back from the fence, walked around to enter the garden.

"Are you planning to ignore me forever?" Nicky asked angrily, lightly kicking the bottom of Red's shoe as she stood behind her. "I've been waiting-"

"Waiting for what? Me?" Red asked dryly. She scoffed. Running her plastic, self-made hand rake through the soil slowly, Nicky watched as she made another row for planting impatiently. At long last, Red finally decided to pause long enough to lean back on her heels and look up at Nicky's face.

"Do you want to talk?" Red asked impassively, which Nicky was convinced she was doing just to annoy her. She was positive that Red's appearing ignorant to her anxiety was a passive-aggressive way to punish her.

"Uh, yeah," Nicky blinked, crossing her arms across her chest. "You told me to stay in the dorm and wait, and then you never came back! The f**k?"

"I was busy cleaning up your mess," Red said thickly. "And once I got that settled I decided it was a beautiful day and I may as well go ahead with what I had originally intended for this afternoon."

"Well, so long as my mess didn't interfere with your gardening plans, I guess all is well then, huh?" Nicky rolled her eyes. "I should have known you'd be out here."

"Oh?" Red said coyly.

"Well, now that Gloria took over the kitchen this seems to be where you spend most of your time," Nicky said triumphantly, knowing the jibe about the kitchen would irritate her. She smirked in satisfaction when she saw Red's posture stiffen, her hands clenching more tightly against her gardening tool. She heard her suck in her breath.

"You could have at least come back to tell me things were okay," Nicky complained, walking over to the fence and leaning her arm against the post.

"You were stowing drugs away in prison, Nicky," Red said with a touch of bitterness in her tone. She looked over at the girl, bringing her free hand up to shield her eyes from the sunlight. "How would that ever be okay?"

"I didn't come here to debate with you the moral details about what went on," Nicky retorted raspily. "I didn't bring the drugs in, I didn't use the drugs, Alright? I stole them to hurt Vee-the only way a psychopath like that can be hurt."

"Not because you wanted the drugs for yourself?" Red asked bluntly, as she looked up at Nicky from her spot on the ground. Her eyes squinted as she gazed into Nicky's eyes with need of answers.

"No!" Nicky exclaimed. "I mean…. obviously, I shouldn't be in any sort of proximity to that stuff but I didn't do it...I came to you before that happened."

"At least you did something right," Red said shortly, shaking her head in contempt. "I just thought you were smarter than all of this. Of all the stupid-"

"Spare the lecture," Nicky interrupted pleadingly. "Come on, you know you're not telling me anything I don't already know. And I'm sorry for dragging you into this, alright? I'll do a better job of handling my sh*t on my own from now on."

"Are you sorry?" Red asked seriously, her hand still shielding her face with its dirty glove. "Do you realize how close you came to f**king everything up? You would have gone to max, had your sentence extended, you put me at risk by helping you-"

"I know!" Nicky exclaimed. She sighed, and her lip quivered as she gave Red a pleading look. "I'm sorry...I just need to know what's going on. I need you to stop f**king ignoring me and tell me what you did. Luschek is gone and I've been a nervous wreck all morning."

"He's gone because I made him take it out," Red said simply, eyeing Nicky reprovingly.

"Yeah?" Nicky verified, as relief coursed through her veins. Removing her arm from the fence post, Nicky let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding and slowly lowered herself down until she was sitting in the soil, her arms wrapping around her bent legs.

"I wasn't about to let him leave it in his desk or somewhere else for it to be discovered and blow up in all of our faces," Red said, flashing Nicky a look of incredulity. She scoffed. "Honestly…"

Nicky blinked rapidly as she felt the knot her stomach had been twisted into for weeks begin to unravel. She'd been in over her head so deep. Her addiction had felt like it had been closing in on her and she knew she had been in danger. Touching the stuff, even thinking about it, put her in peril of surrendering to the hold drugs would always have on her. If she hadn't gone to Red when she had, she probably would have fallen off the wagon of sobriety. But she hadn't used, she'd asked for help, and now everything was going to be okay.

"Thank you," Nicky said quietly, as her brown eyes shone with emotion. She looked directly into Red's eyes, a clear blue that Nicky had believed held all the answers since the day she had met the woman. Nicky trusted her to have her back, she'd trusted Red to love her in a way nobody else ever had, and somehow or another they'd ending up drifting apart this last little while anyway. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been alone with the woman, like they currently were, or the last time they had shared a genuine conversation that always left Nicky feeling like her soul had been rejuvenated. She yearned for their closeness right now, but she was terrified it was too late. Red had saved her today, but she might still be out. How many more f**k ups could Red withstand from her?

"You're welcome," Red said thickly, her lips compressing as she regarded Nicky was perilous uncertainty. "Was there something else?" she asked.

"No," Nicky shook her head, uttering a sound somewhere between a hiccup and a chuckle. "No-I'll get out of your hair," she said darkly, lowering her hand so that she could brace herself up. "Let you get back to your gardening."

"I didn't mean you had to leave," Red told her, raising her eyebrows in astonishment at the seeming insecurity of the girl she regarded as her most beloved daughter, and had since the day they'd met. Nicky settled back down in her spot on the ground, though her eyes darted side to side with uncertainty as she considered what to make of things. Her hand crawled up the front of her shirt and reached beneath it to clench around the pendant she always wore. It was her St. Joseph medal, she'd had it forever, and it had always made her feel safe.

"You-you want me to stay?" Nicky asked hesitantly, and there was no trace of her usual confidence or sway. Red had a way of knocking her walls down and revealing all of the vulnerabilities she tried to bury. When she was watching, Nicky couldn't get anything past her. Red just hadn't been paying too much attention lately and even with the best of intentions, when left on her own, Nicky always seemed to missile towards self-destruction.

"Frieda and the others are doing their scheduled craft circle," Red told her, the roll of her eyes implying she found the whole thing ridiculous. "I could use a hand. Go fill up that watering can by the door."

"You got it," Nicky said, displaying the smallest of smiles. She got up and went to fetch the can Red had specified. Holding it in one hand she reached for the hose with the other and sprayed. The water that burst out was of strong pressure that bounced unexpectedly off the edge of the container and splashed her. Fortunately, it was a hot day.

"So, you don't fancy joining a craft circle?" Nicky jested, as she began slowly moving through the garden, taking care to ensure that no blossoming plant was missed. "You could crochet...I saw them teaching Chapman."

"I don't crochet," Red informed her dryly. Kneeling back against the garden bed she had tilled, she began to implant seedlings into the earth.

"I know," Nicky replied, coming up around the other side of the garden to where Red was working. "But It would be handy, you know? I could use another blanket before the fall-they don't heat the dorms enough.

"If you want a crocheted blanket so bad then why don't you trade something from commissary so that somebody will make you one?" Red asked. "I'm not going to be one of those stereotypical ladies who just because I'm old, sits around knitting and going to bingos," she wrinkled her nose.

"What's wrong with Bingo?" Nicky laughed. "You can make money doing that….and you like cards."

"Cards is different," Red argued, using her gloved hand to bury her seeds with a layer of soil. "There's a strategy there."

"Bingo can have strategy," Nicky argued, just for amusement. She finished watering the last plant and then set the jug down on the ground by her feet. "At least if all those creepy troll dolls and the cigarette lighters people bring along have anything to say about it."

"If you want a blanket made then ask Sister Ingalls," Red told her, "she seems to have a knack for that sort of thing."

"Meh, I don't need a blanket," Nicky shrugged. "I was just saying that because I like the love that gets put into them. They're like art, you know?"

"My art is in the cooking," Red told her, the corners of her mouth tugging in a yearn to smile. "When we get out of here in a couple of years I promise I'll make you a meal from the freshest ingredients of the best quality and you will see the love in there. My heart is in the kitchen... "her growing smile swiftly transitioned into a frown. "Or at least it was until _she_ started stomping around like she owned the place."

"You can't blame Gloria," Nicky reminded her, leaning back against the post as she watched Red continue to brush at the earth as though she were mad at it. "She's just doing the job that was assigned to her."

"She's rubbing it in my face!" Red exclaimed. Her lip curled as she gazed across the field to the asphalt where the Latino group was seated together at a picnic table. "Just look at that, Nicky," Red said dramatically. Abandoning her task, she stood up and walked over to the fence with her finger pointed.

Giving Red a look of exasperation, Nicky cracked her neck and then slowly turned around to see what was causing her so much angst. "Yeah, so what?" Nicky asked, blinking at the harmless sight of a group of inmates seated outside on a nice day.

"She's out there playing dominos," Red growled, her eyes narrowing, as she lowered her hand to grip the fencing.

"Dominos not strategic enough for you?" Nicky yawned. "I don't see the problem."

"Lunch is being served soon," Red informed her. "When I ran the kitchen, I would never hang around outside when there was work to be done. I gave my everything-"

"Gloria probably just finished early," Nicky said unhelpfully, "I think you need to chill out, Mom." She wasn't sure why she was even bothering to pacify Red. She should just let her have her delusions. She seemed to thrive in them, and since she had taken Gloria's acceptance of the kitchen as a personal insult, the woman could do nothing right in Red's mind. She looked for any minor detail she could find to complain about and when the meals were delicious, Red had a problem with Gloria's arrogance. Usually they just stayed out of one another's way.

Although she had opened her mouth to list another issue she had with Gloria, Red's lips turned into a smile. "You haven't called me 'Mom' in a long time," she pointed out nonchalantly, though she looked obviously pleased.

Nicky's cheeks blossomed with the faintest of blushes. "Yeah," she said, as she ran a hand through her wild hair. "I dunno...things have been nuts for so long. It's like we've had no time for each other...and after me screwing up again," Nicky leaned her head back and closed her eyes with a sigh. "I didn't know if you'd still want me to...it's been so long since you said I could."

"I like hearing it," Red told her honestly. "That won't ever change." She smiled as a picture of Nicky on their first night together flashed into her memory. How sick she had been and scared. Red had automatically gone to her. She'd helped and comforted, and through it all she had loved her. There was an immediacy to it, and Nicky was suddenly hers.

Nicky's breathing halted in her chest as a warmth engulfed her making her heart swell with joy. In an instant, she had sprung forward and encased Red in a hug. Relief poured through her when Red reciprocated. Her arms wrapping tightly around Nicky, she held her close just as she had over two years ago when she'd first arrived at Litchfield in the full throttles of withdrawal. She'd promised that night that things would be okay, that she would be there, that Nicky could come to her for anything. Today she had proven that truth.

"And I'm going to do better from now on," Red promised, gently caressing Nicky's cheek momentarily before she released her from their embrace. "So that we can be better. That's how we survive in here."

"Is this just in here?" Nicky asked cautiously, rubbing her hands up and down her arms as she reverted to hugging herself now that they had parted.

"What do you mean?" Red frowned. Looking confused she pulled off one glove to reveal the clean hand with its immaculately maintained red polished fingernails underneath. Red brought her index finger to her mouth, stroking her bottom lip as she waited for an answer.

"I mean...you've got like two years left, I've got a little more than that," Nicky said, looking downward, she crossed her feet at the ankle. "What happens after that? How do I survive out there?"

"Nicky!" Red exclaimed softly, her hand dropping limply down at her side. "You worry about that?"

"Sometimes," Nicky shrugged. "When you promise me things and I don't know if it means forever, or just while we're in here...until you get back to your real family."

"Nicky," Red shook her head. "You are my real family...you're as real as any one of my boys….in fact you may be all I have left. I haven't even spoken to them since I petitioned for divorce so who knows what they're all thinking?"

"They're thinking you finally came to your senses and realized you could do a hell of a lot better than their Dad," Nicky laughed. "I mean let's be real...they know him-Ow!"

She yelped as Red reached over and tugged on her ear. "See this is why you need a mother," Red teased, as Nicky flicked her fingers away. "Because that big mouth of yours will land you into all sorts of trouble."

"You were just waiting to do that, weren't you?" Nicky complained, massaging her earlobe between her thumb and index finger.

"That's nothing," Red scoffed, "Yuri still hasn't forgotten the smack upside the head I gave him when I caught him with cigarettes…."

"I still miss the cigarettes," Nicky sighed wistfully. "God, why did you bring those up? You know Yuri probably kept smoking just behind your back right? It would take more than a smack to deter someone."

"Maybe my son isn't as stubborn as you are," Red retorted, as she knelt back down on the ground to resume her work. "If anything-he had two younger brothers that would tattle on him in an instant."

"Yeah, it was probably the snitching siblings then," Nicky told her with a grin. "Because he's your son-I've never even spoken to the guy, but I'm gonna go ahead and assume that he's stubborn."

Laughing at her own wit, Nicky looked back behind her and her eyes widened at the sight of Mr. Healy walking their way. He nodded at her politely when he caught her eye, but then swiftly switched his gaze back to Red who hadn't yet noticed him. " _Beautiful day to be down on your hands and knees!_ " he exclaimed loudly in greeting.

Nicky immediately broke out in a laugh. "Every day is a good day to be down on your hands and knees," she said loudly. "Especially if you're feeling particularly giving."

"Nicky," Red gently reproached her. From her place on the ground, she glanced up at Healy with an incredulous look on her face.

" _In the soil, I meant_ ," Healy stammered, rocking onto the balls of his feet. _"It's a nice day to be outside is what I meant to say_."

"That's what I meant too," Nicky chuckled, "I don't have a dirty mind." She winked at Red who had stood back up and was shaking her head disapprovingly at Nicky's jokes. Clearly this was not the time or the place. 'Right, see ya at lunch!" Nicky told her, as she turned to leave.

"How are you, Sam?" Red asked pleasantly. She had a suspicion about why he had come to see her. After what had occurred after she had informed him of her choice to divorce her husband, or rather after what Healy had exploded with, she knew he would seek her out to try and make amends.

"I wanted to apologize about what happened in my office the other day," Healy told her quietly. " _Things got a little personal_."

" _It's fine,"_ Red waved her hand dismissively at his concerns.

" _I just don't want things to be awkward_ ," Healy told her. Leaning his hands over the fencing, he watched mesmerizingly as she pulled the gardening gloves slowly off of her hands to reveal her creamy skin. Her hands were lined with age and ridges, but they were beautiful. He'd always thought that.

" _If you don't want things to be awkward then maybe you shouldn't draw extra attention to it,"_ Red smirked, as she clapped the gloved together to shake off the excessive dirt. When she was satisfied, she folded them up together and eyes him carefully. "You must know that nothing you revealed to me the other day was exactly unexpected though," she told him, referencing his outburst about the miserable state of his marriage. "Was I to believe you two had a romance like in the storybooks?"

"I suppose not," Healy admitted, giving her an embarrassed smile. "I suppose your choice just hit a nerve for me about my own wife."

"Why, because we're both Russian?" Red asked him boredly. "We're not all alike…"

"Oh, I know," Healy breathed. "There's nobody like you...I just was always impressed that you and your husband managed to keep going after all these years apart. I thought things were alright between you two."

"Whatever gave you that impression?" Red blinked. "Because he visits? I never even kissed him goodbye during visitation unless he sprung one on me first...and who even knows what he's been getting up to all these years without me? If he can lie about the business that I poured my heart and soul into...then he could be lying to me about anything."

"I understand your concerns, Galina," Healy said softly. "But you're divorcing him based on emotions you're feeling right now, and assumptions that he always lied. You can't know that. You're making drastic decisions in the heat of the moment and not thinking about the consequences they might have in a few years when you get to go home."

"I don't have a home," Red said bitterly. Compressing her lips, she crossed her arms defiantly in front of her. "Dmitri has our home and store for sale. They'll be gone before I get back and could undo the damages of everything he's done."

"I'm sorry, Galina," Healy said sincerely, reaching over to lay his hand supportively on her shoulder. Red kept her arms firmly crossed, but her head turned to regard his hand on her. She did not pull away.

"I'm sorry for you too," she said, looking back up at him. "For your marriage. I wish things could be different for you. You deserve better."

" _I think the language barrier is still an issue_ ," Healy said promptly. Removing his hand from her shoulder, he folded his together. "That's actually what I came out here to ask you about."

"Healy!" Red sighed. " _I can't be your marriage counsellor._ "

" _Translator_ ," Healy corrected. _"Just for an hour after dinner."_

 _Oh, no, I think I have plans_ ," Red said softly. She'd say anything to get herself out of this situation. She'd translated between him and his mail-order bride, Katya, several times in the past but she was growing tired of it. It had been a fun game for awhile. She'd enjoyed the insight and admittedly, the drama. But she was sick of marriage and tired of watching Healy pathetically try to save something that could not be salvaged. She wanted out.

" _I cleared your schedule_ ," Red heard him saying and, in a moment, she was agreeing. There wasn't much else she could do.

" _Thanks, Red_ ," Healy said with a smile. _"It's very thoughtful of you_."

" _You basically gave me no choice,"_ Red pointed out. Picking up the empty watering jug Nicky had left her, she turned to carry it over to the greenhouse doors along with her gloves. She put them away and then walked back out. Healy was still there.

" _I still appreciate it,"_ Healy told her, as they began walking side by side back towards the building. _"I just want Katya sleeping in the same bed with me again."_

"Having somebody next to you in bed is overrated," Red told him bluntly. "They snore, they steal the covers, they don't stay on their own side…. "She smiled as she listened to Healy chuckle. He always seemed to find her amusing.

"After my third son was born, I kicked my husband out of the bed because I told him his snoring was going to wake the baby," she continued speaking candidly. "But really I just wanted him gone. And now I've slept alone on a cot all these years and I haven't missed him."

"Maybe you just didn't want to give yourself the chance to miss him," Healy said, with the knowing of a counsellor. Red eyed him reprovingly.

"Or we just weren't compatible," Red retorted. "We were never right for each other, but we stayed married because it was safe, familiar, and we convinced ourselves that it was the right thing for the sake of our sons...but now I've finally found the nerve to do something about it. When I finally get out of here, I want to be free in every conceivable sense."

"I want those things for you," Healy said sincerely. "I want you to be happy."

They parted ways as they reached the doors. Walking inside by herself, Red noted with annoyance that Mendoza and her girls were only just heading in now. She'd never have allowed such a long break, and she most definitely wouldn't have allowed everyone to go at once. Lunchtime was approaching, and though it wasn't as big a meal as suppertime, Red had always taken great care to ensure everything was in pristine order before they prepared to serve. Her resentment at the injustice of being stripped of her rightful place rose up within her. She watched Gloria closely as she walked back inside. The younger woman's uniform left little to the imagination. Even once she donned her kitchen apron and covered her hair with a cap, her voluptuous figure was still very much noticeable. It was like she wanted Red to look, was intent on making herself impossible to ignore. Her lips pressed together in annoyance and she rolled her eyes dramatically in irritation. Her incredibly long day suddenly felt much longer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed! I'm glad you're enjoying this story. I'll try to update it once a week. xo**

" _You "made an arrangement" and he's holding up his end of it. And you're the type who wants the world to be perfect but you're not willing to lift a finger to help it along. He's not the man you thought he'd be because the man you thought he'd be doesn't exist. This is what a good man looks like. So what if he drools a small pond? He takes care of you, doesn't he? He takes care of your mother, and he's handsome, and he's good. And at least he's fucking trying, which is a lot more than I can say for you."_

A silence fell between Red, Healy, and his stunned wife Katya. Red had said all that she needed to say. Whether it had been right or wrong to voice, it had been the truth. She'd only been saying what she believed. Crossing her arms, she faced determinedly toward the door, her eyes raised towards the ceiling as she waited for retribution. Katya made a scornful noise as she turned to glare at Healy, and Red felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

"Umm…." Healy stammered, rising from the chair behind his desk. "I think-I guess it's getting pretty late and Katya and I, we should be heading home."

"So, can I go then?" Red demanded, whipping her head back to look at Healy. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Katya, sitting demurely in her chair with her head down, looking a little bit flustered.

"Yes, you can go," Healy dismissed her with a wave of his hand, though he seemed to have a hard time looking at her. "Have a goodnight, Red."

Red didn't bother replying. As soon as she could she was out the door of his office and walking down the hall. She brushed her hair back with her hand and sucked in her breath. She was quite certain that she had probably only made things worse between the husband and wife, but frankly it was Healy's fault for insisting on dragging her into their soap opera in the first place, as though she didn't have enough problems of her own. And maybe that was just it. Red didn't have the tolerance to listen to Katya's self-centered complaints when besides being bound to a man she couldn't stand, her life was easy and comfortable. What more did she expect when you married for a green card?

Red didn't judge her for those decisions, having no problem admitting that she and Dmitri had married for similar reasons. The opportunity to leave Russia and begin again in America had made becoming Dmitri's reluctant wife seem a worthwhile endeavor. She could have struck out on her own once arriving in this foreign land, but Red hadn't don't that. Suffice it to say, there is something to be said for companionship and familiarity when starting out in a new country where you can barely even speak the language. So, she'd stayed and lived out many tolerable years as Mrs. Reznikov, Dmitri's dutiful wife. She'd raised three sons, ran a business that at least kept food on their table, and had she not wound up in prison she probably would have continued living that same life for the rest of her days. It may have initially seemed like the path of least resistance, but now it seemed that she couldn't possibly have picked a harder road to follow.

Even if she'd wanted to, Red didn't think she could ever fit the mold of Galina, wife of Dmitri ever again. She wasn't that person anymore. Having years of her life stolen from her, while Dmitri had continued on with no direct consequence to himself had made her bitter, mistrustful, and harder than before. Beneath the surface, buried deep down were still remnants of the gentle woman who used to hum while working in her restaurant, laugh on spinning rides with her sons, and let them crawl into bed with her at night whenever they wanted. If she looked for her, Red could still recover those parts of herself-like during sweet moments with Nicky, but usually she stayed hidden well away. She wondered if her sons would understand that. Would they respect her need to divorce their father, so that in two years time when she walked out those doors as a free woman she could begin a life lived for herself, and not as part of an obligatory arrangement that was built on a bed of lies. Or maybe her sons would only feel cheated. Resentful of being deprived of the family they had been waiting close to two decades to reconfigure. Yet whatever anyone else thought, Red knew she was finally making the right choice for herself. It was long overdue.

Glancing up at the clock on the wall, Red realized she still had some time before she needed to return to the dormitories for count. The phones were open for a little while longer so making a sudden decision, Red turned and headed in their direction to make a call. She hadn't spoken to her sons since Mother's Day. After the way their visitation had ended on such tense terms, there really hadn't been much more to say before watching Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily had silently followed their father out of the prison. Red hadn't said much of anything after her discovery about their group deceitfulness, saving all her pent-up anger for confronting Chapman and then going to Healy's office to remove Dmitri from her visitation list. Although upset with them, there had never been a question of cutting away from her boys. That was something she would never do, recognizing that it was significant that her relationships with the three of them remained as tight as they had. She knew that wasn't the case for all mothers in prison.

She reached the phones and noticed with a wave of annoyance that they all were occupied. The wailing woman tangled the cord around her finger as she sobbed incoherently into the receiver. She was dressed in the blue nightgown she wore constantly. She never changed into day clothes, never seemed to go outside so Red supposed it wouldn't matter. The sight of that woman always made her uncomfortable though. Even after all that Red had been through herself, she made the best of it. She'd figured out how to do time. She didn't understand how someone could just wallow in despair constantly.

A few down, Gloria was standing up against the telephone with her forehead pressed against the wall. She held the phone to her ear and was whispering quietly into it. Her shoulders were hunched and the way her body was pressed up against the wall made it look as though she wanted to be invisible. Red tapped her foot impatiently on the floor and crossed her arms as she stared Gloria down. She had to admit that she was much more curious about her conversation than the wailing woman whose voice was being to elevate now with hysteria. Her ears perked in nosy attentiveness, Red drew a little bit closer as she took in the altered scrub shirt and the way Gloria's pants were stretched all the way up her curvaceous thighs. _Why would anybody even want to wear clothes that tight?_ Red thought to herself in annoyance. _It must be a real hassle for Gloria to remove them at the end of the day_ , she thought with a smirk.

"I just don't understand why you didn't come?" Gloria said softly, running her hand up the back of her neck until she clenched a fistful of her cropped hair. "Yes, I realize that...but what about just coming so that we could spend the day together? It's been so lo-"

Red watched as Gloria closed her eyes while she listened to whatever her son was saying into the phone. Her shoulders were hunched and as she stood there she seemed to recoil more and more into herself, until suddenly she seemed to pull herself up to her fullest height and bristle as she waited for a chance to speak.

"Listen-" she sighed loudly. "Benny, will you just listen to me? Come on, baby…. I haven't seen you in two and a half years." Her voice caught on the end note and she exhaled slowly to calm herself. "Benjamin Mendoza, I don't care what you think you gotta do, this Saturday when Lourdes is getting ready to drive you here, you make sure you're in that car if you know what's good for you. We've got a lot to talk about, you and me."

She paused as she waited to hear his reply. "No, I'm not trying to start a fight with you," Gloria huffed, her feet pacing in place as she got her bearings. "Although if I wanted to I got a lot of different things to choose from…...well skipping school for one!" she exclaimed. "Yeah, okay," she scoffed, lifting a hand to rest her palm against the cinder block wall. "Fine. ...goodnight."

Gloria was about to slam the phone but at the last second, she remembered where she was. It wouldn't make sense to display her temper and earn herself a shot from the onlooking guard. Instead, Gloria squeezed the receiver extra tight in her grip and took a couple of deep breaths to ease the frustration that was rising within her. Turning around to see the time displayed on the clock, Gloria blinked in surprise when she saw Red standing in wait behind her, with a curious expression on her face. Gloria hadn't realized that anyone else had been lined up behind her.

"Here you are," Gloria said flatly, holding the phone out for her rival inmate to take.

"Thanks," Red said gruffly, coming forward casually. "Family drama?" she guessed correctly, just as Gloria was about to walk away. She'd been listening in on Gloria's side of the conversation and had been able to easily surmise that she had been negotiating with one of her children. Red saw no point in trying to act like she hadn't heard.

"Just my son," Gloria admitted, rocking forward on the balls of her feet as she staggered in place. She exhaled loudly. "He's not doing well…"

"Oh, no?" Red said lazily. Leaning lightly back against the box of the phone she raised her eyebrows as she waited for elaboration.

"No," Gloria shook her head. She scoffed. "But who can f*cking blame him for being angry when he has a mother in prison?"

"He's a teenager," Red reminded her, as she twisted the phone cord mindlessly around her fingers. "Even if you handed him everything on a silver platter he'd probably still find something to be upset about. I wouldn't be so hard on yourself."

She was a bit taken-aback by her own kindness, because usually Gloria's presence never ceased to irritate her. She had her kitchen, the very thing that had made Red's life on the inside purposeful and tolerable. Yet at the same time, Red saw a lot of herself in Gloria that made her impossible to hate even if they'd never be the best of friends. They both were mothers-to the younger girls who depended on them and to their children out in the world getting on with their lives without them. Thus, beneath the resentment and tension, there was understanding.

"He always was a bit of a troublemaker," Gloria admitted. She brought her finger up to dab at the corner of her eye, giving Red a chance to notice how bitten down her unpolished nails were. She found it peculiar that somebody who seemed to value her figure as much as Gloria did, would slack on primping. She wore makeup, but it was clean and natural tones that would wear off before the day concluded anyway, and not be reapplied. Right now, Red could detect the slightest touch of mascara on Gloria's blinking lashes, but that was all. She was fresh faced but she was beautiful.

"A troublemaker?" Red said thickly, tapping the phone receiver against her hand, as a smirk played across her crimson lips, heavily coated with her signature red lipstick. "I wonder where he gets that from?" she said sarcastically.

"You might be onto something," Gloria scoffed. "If I was home, I'd have that attitude in check pretty damn quickly."

" _If he was my son, I'd probably kick him,"_ Red affirmed. _"But I suppose we all have our own way of parenting."_

"Oh, believe me, I've thought about it," Gloria replied, the corners of her mouth tugging threateningly. "Benny and his brother are with my aunt but she's completely at her wits end. She didn't ask for them...at least you have a husband. Are you calling him to say goodnight?"

"I don't have a husband," Red said thickly. "Or at least I won't as soon as we file the paperwork." She wasn't sure that the way she could dismiss Dmitri so absolutely, without any form of hesitation, was normal. She'd been married to the man since she was twenty-two, so you'd think that there would be significant feelings to process there. But there weren't any. They hadn't lived as husband and wife for a very long time however, and even before that their partnership had had little to do with passion and everything to do with convenience.

"Oh, sh*t," Gloria exclaimed. "Sorry to hear that."

"I'm not," Red said frostily. "It's something I should have done years ago. _He's a worthless mushroom of a man_." The insult slipped off her tongue just as easily as declaring him a hamster, way back during their beginnings in Russia, had come. It was interesting how quick the resentment of Dmitri could resume, as if the peaceable years of companionship had never happened. Red had wanted to believe that there was growth potential, that Dmitri's daring ambition to immigrate to America might mean he had the teeth to conquer life with her and make everything alright-but he had always been a coward. Too weak to keep the mafia away from his family's doorsteps and now too cowardly to even award her with the truth about their failed business and god knows what else. It had been easier for Dmitri to coerce their sons into lying for him then to be straight with his wife. After such betrayal, there could never be respect.

" _I've known a few of those,"_ Gloria replied. A swarm of disenchanted faces clouded her head and she fought to ignore them until they faded again.

" _Maybe we should give up and be gay?"_ Red joked.

" _Well, we've got the haircuts,"_ Gloria smiled in bemusement.

Red chuckled as she began to dial the number she had memorized by heart. "I'm calling to find out if my sons hate me," she confided, leaning the phone between her ear and shoulder. "We haven't spoken since their father and I finished."

"Well, good luck," Gloria replied, taking a step away from the phone. "I'll see you around, Red."

Red listened to the phone dial as she watched Gloria's retreating back until she turned the corner, undoubtedly on her way to Spanish Harlem to turn in for the night. The automated voice announcing that this was a call from the prison played over the line, and a moment later it was answered.

"Hello," said the sultry voice that Red recognized at once as belonging to her daughter-in-law, Anna. She had been with Red's oldest son off-and-on for approximately ten years and together they had two children, a son and a daughter. Anna was a well-established woman in her own right with a college diploma in office administration and a good job as a secretary in a pediatrician's office. Tall and thin with long bleach blonde hair, Anna had always been polite the times she made the drive up to the prison to visit with Yuri, but the relationship had always been awkward. Meeting your son's significant other in a prison visitation room hardly put you on equal footing. It wasn't comfortable.

"Hello, Anna," Red said complacently. "How are you?"

"I'm fine, Galina," Anna replied. "Actually, I'm just getting ready to head out the door."

"Oh," Red said flatly. "I guess I caught you at a bad time, huh? Are you and Yuri going out?"

"No, just me tonight," Anna replied. "I'm actually running a little late, so is there something I can help you with?"

"No," Red replied. "I was just calling to speak to my son."

"Okay, well, he's outside at the moment," said Anna. "He'll be back in a minute. Do you want to hang on?"

"Sure," said Red. She heard a rustle on the line as Anna laid the phone down and walked away. Red clicked her tongue as she waited, watching the precious seconds ticking by on the wall clock. Phone calls from prison were time constrained which would mean less time to talk to her son. In the background, she could hear fuzzy voices and sounds as Anna ordered her two children up to bed. _"Can't I finish my show first, mama?"_ a muffled, girlish voice pleaded, causing Red to press the phone even tighter against her ear as she strained to listen. She couldn't make out any more words, but she was positive that the speaker had been her granddaughter, Ivanna, who had just recently celebrated her eighth birthday. Red had watched the little girl, as well as her brother Feliks, grow up through photographs and the stories told to her by her sons and Dmitri. She'd never even met them.

" _Mamochka?_ Hi!" Yuri's familiar voice exclaimed, drawing Red out of her daydream. "Are you-just a sec," he told her. There was some rustling, and Red knew that her son had covered the phone with his hand. "Yeah," he said to Anna. "I won't forget, babe."

"And don't stay on the phone with her too long," Red could make out Anna saying. There was more. "She should call sooner than this if she wants to talk." Red rolled her eyes up to the ceiling as she listened to the sentiments in her daughter-in-law's tone. She always felt like a constant barrier to Red reaching her son. Anna was always the one to answer the phone and once she got Yuri on, his wife seemed determined to rush him off. It was a controlling method that made Red almost wish that Anna had stayed well away after their most recent split.

"I know," Yuri answered his wife. "Have fun." There was some more muffled talk on Yuri's end and then her son uncovered the phone and came back to speak to her. "Sorry about that," he said a bit breathlessly.

"I was about to hang up," Red said stiffly. "If you have something else to do then I won't keep you."

"Of course not, Ma," Yuri said calmly. "I was just saying goodbye to Anna first. She's going out with some friends for the night and had to give me the instructions for the kids."

"Your kids are eight and nine," Red reminded him. "If you don't know how to care for them by this point without your wife giving you instructions, then there's something wrong with you."

"No," Yuri chuckled. "I know...it's just Anna likes things done a certain way and I want to make her happy." Red rolled her eyes, grateful that her son could at least not see her. "So, how are you?"

"Maybe we should skip the formalities since your wife said you couldn't talk too long," Red told him. "You need to grow a backbone, Yuri!"

"I thought you were happy we got back together?" Yuri argued.

"I am," Red replied. "For the kids-provided that the two of you can act civilly together." It was one thing that she prided herself on, that she and Dmitri had always managed to maintain a cordial, if not passionate, relationship around the kids even during the worst parts of their marriage. Yuri and Anna, however, were known to have arguments that could shake the house-at least if Dmitri's testimony was to be believed, which considering what Red knew now was considerably less reliable than before.

"Never mind that," Yuri said dismissively. "We're going to be fine. We talk things out and come up with solutions, okay? Like tonight for instance. She was mad because I went out drinking with Max and Vasily last night and didn't help her. So tonight, I gave her the chance to go out with her friends while I stay home and do everything. Nice, huh?"

"Vasily went too?" Red asked. "I thought he'd promised to stop drinking and help out more with the baby when he got back with Lida? Or are they broken up again too? The way you and your brother drop in and out of relationships it's hard for me to keep track."

"They're together," Yuri told her. "They're doing well. Lida apologized for hitting him that time, and Vasily apologized for...you know, just basically being stupid. She didn't mind him going out with us though. She's calmed down a lot lately. For the longest time we were all scared to even make sudden movements in her presence. She really went off the deep end after Alexei was born. Vasily said he had to sleep with one eye open."

"She had postpartum depression," Red said knowingly, having diagnosed Vasily's girlfriend unofficially based on her mother's intuitiveness and the list of complaints her son had made about Lida's general irritability, extreme mood swings, and coldness. Since she was usually such a cheerful and vibrant girl, the personality changes following the birth of her son could only be explained by one thing. Although it wasn't surprising at all to Red that it went over her sons' heads. That type of mental thickness was inherited directly from their father.

"I dunno, Ma," Yuri said skeptically. "I've been depressed and I never hit anyone in the face with a bag of change before."

"No, you and Anna just get into rows loud enough to awaken the dead," Red rolled her eyes. "Is that still going on?"

"No," Yuri insisted. "I swear to you we're good. I'm toeing the line, doing everything she asks. We're going to make it work this time. I'm not messing this up again."

"Such effort," Red sighed. "It just sounds so exhausting. Maybe Maxim has the right idea staying single and out of all that relationship mess. It only brings trouble."

"Is that why you and Papa are divorcing?" Yuri asked quietly.

"You know why we're divorcing," Red snapped. "You were there."

"I thought there might be more to it," Yuri replied. "It's just a store, Ma."

"It's just a lie," Red told him. "If he's deceiving me about this then he's probably done it about other things as well. Maybe you even know about some of them?"

"Why would you say that?" Yuri hiccupped nervously, seeming to shrink even over the phone at the effect of his mother's anger. He exhaled deeply. "Listen, Ma. I'm completely on your side when it comes to this divorce. I think you're doing the right thing."

"Well, that's surprising," Red said dryly. "I was under the impression that Papa had coerced you boys into being his little partners in this web of deceit."

"I just didn't want to hurt you," Yuri said apologetically. "Because there's nothing that can be done about it anyway. I just figured we'd get everything straightened out when you get home and it actually matters."

"Except now there will be no home to come back to," Red told him stiffly.

Yuri sighed, "your home is with us, Ma. We'll figure it out. I don't see the point of worrying about all that right now anyway, though. It will probably only make the remaining time seem longer."

"Alright, fine," Red replied. "We won't talk about it. Tell me something else."

"Uhhhh," Yuri stumbled as he thought of something positive to share. "I got a raise at work. An extra dollar an hour."

"Oh, good for you," Red said softly. Yuri worked as a teller at a bank and had been since he had finished high school. He was bright, with an affinity for business skills that would have taken him far, his mother believed, if he had ever chosen to go to college. He'd been on the verge of completing high school when Red was arrested. She had missed his graduation ceremony by just a few weeks, which was something that had always made her feel sad.

"Yeah, so once I get paid I'll be able to put some more money into your account," Yuri promised. "I know you're probably getting pretty low."

"Thank you, honey," Red replied softly. "It might be awhile before Papa and I get everything divided up in this divorce, but once we do you can pay yourself back out of what's mine. I want you to handle my money while I'm still in here. And I don't want to take from you when you have a family to look after."

"It's not a problem," Yuri replied. "I'm not keeping track, okay? I'm glad you're doing this. I think you're making the right decision."

"Really?" Red said, her eyes squinting in suspicion. "Are you fighting with your father or something? Why are you so against him?"

"What? I'm not!" Yuri replied. "Pop and I are fine. It's just that I think you'll be happier this way in the end. I know that you never had a perfect marriage, and after all this time that the two of you have been apart, I don't see how it could work. Things are really different now and I want you to start looking forward. I'll help you do that when you get out."

"And how do your brothers feel about all of this?" Red asked.

"Well, they agree," Yuri coughed nervously. "They support you. And it's been so long since we've all been together that it isn't going to change much anyway, right?"

"Well, that simplifies things," Red replied, just as the guard came over the intercom ordering everyone to return to their bunks for the count in five minutes. "I guess I'll talk to you later," she said, feeling the eyes of the supervising guard on her back.

"I'm glad you called, Ma," Yuri said sincerely. "I might not be able to visit much for the next little while because they have me working Saturdays, but I'm going to try to come see you for your birthday, next month."

"My birthday," Red blinked. "I'm surprised that you even remember. Usually the cards you guys send get here at least a week after the date."

"What can I say? I'm a changed man," Yuri laughed. "I'm going to do better. Have a good night, Ma, okay? I miss you."

"I miss you too," Red said quietly. "Goodnight." She hung up the phone carefully and then turned to head to her dormitory without sparing a glance for the guard against the wall. All the other phones had been deserted already, and Red had to hurry to make it to the front of her cube in time for count.

She leaned against the wall. Piper on her left and Norma on her right. On Norma's other side, Nicky was standing with her arms crossed, dressed in the grey sweats she always slept in because she refused to wear the baggy mu-mu to bed. Glancing around Norma, Nicky craned her neck to meet Red's gaze. They held it silently, Nicky dramatically rolling her eyes when the recount was called, before loudly groaning and falling back against the cinder wall.

"Finally!" Nicky exclaimed, when they were free to move. Instead of retreating into her own cube for the night, she walked into the one next door and hopped onto the metal frame of Red's bed unceremoniously. "How hard is it to count?"

"They mess up every night," Red said, as she sat down at her makeshift desk and pulled her mirror. She reached for her packet of makeup remover wipes so that she could take off her face before bed.

"You know I've been thinking about how much time has been wasted, standing at attention to be counted," Piper said, as she climbed on top of the blankets that had been rid of bed bugs and made the softest bed she could manage, in lieu of a mattress. "On average they take between five and ten minutes depending on the competency of the guards. Add all that up and-"

"All time in this place is a waste of time," Nicky interrupted her. "Just add up the complete length of your sentence and call it a day...except maybe for the hours you and Vause spend hidden away in orgasmic bliss. I'll count that as time well spent."

"Nicky," Red scoffed, lowering her mirror as she glared over at her with a disapproving stare. Nicky grinned cheekily up at her from her place lying stretched out on the wooden board covered cot.

"What?" Nicky asked. "I thought you'd appreciate that jest. How did it go with Healy tonight anyway? You were gone a long time."

"Healy?" Piper asked, straightening up with her attention perked. "Did he say anything about when we might be getting new mattresses ordered?"

"I went to call my son after," Red explained to Nicky, ignoring Piper. "I wasn't in there all night. And Healy's wasting his time if he thinks understanding the insults his wife shoots at him is going to resolve anything."

"Ohhhh," Nicky chuckled. "You must have gotten some good dirt on him tonight, huh? Come on, mom, tell me! I could use some entertainment. The best we've got going lately is Chapman and Vause making up during drama class. I must say I was enjoying the sexual, hate, tension thing you guys had going for awhile."

"So was I," Piper replied. "F*cking empathy. Really messed with our whole rhythm. Angry sex can be deeply satisfying."

"There you go," Nicky exclaimed jovially. "Maybe you did help out, Ma. Get all the Healy drama out in the open and now he and his wife can go at it like a couple of angry, sex-crazed wildebeests or something tonight…. I don't know why the image of a wildebeest immediately came to mind when I thought of Healy but it did and I went with it."

"Ew," Piper groaned, covering her face with her hands. "Now I'm going to have nightmares." She rubbed her hands over her face and then reached under her bed to select one of the books she had stored under there. She pulled "Pride and Prejudice" out and began to read to herself without another word.

"I'm going to brush my teeth," Red told Nicky, rolling her eyes at Piper as she got up.

"I'll come with you," Nicky replied. She got up and rubbed her back with both hands as they walked side by side down the aisle to reach the washrooms. She picked at her teeth with a fingernail, while Red brushed hers silently. They didn't say much. Nicky thought that Red seemed tired and deep in her own thoughts. They finished up in the bathroom and then began walking back to their bunks before the lights were switched off.

"I hope we do get new mattresses soon though," Nicky groaned, as she glanced distastefully in at her own bunk. Norma was already passed out, flat on her back.

"It doesn't bother me that much actually," Red replied. "It's been good for my back."

"Yeah, well, it's killing mine," Nicky complained as she entered the small space. "I've been using my laundry bag for a pillow. And I have my blankets folded out underneath me but they're so thin that it makes no difference."

"You can have mine," Red told her. "Hold on a sec."

"Don't you need them?" Nicky asked.

"No," Red replied. "I already told you that sleeping on the board doesn't bother me. And it's warm tonight, so I don't need any covers. I can sleep with my hoodie on."

"Okay," Nicky said skeptically. "Thanks." Red went around the corner to get her own prison issued blanket, as well as the crocheted one that Nicky had coveted before. Taking charge, she folded both blankets in half and layered them with the one Nicky had already laid out. It gave her a slightly thicker sleeping base, although not nearing the comfortability of a mattress. Still, it was the best Red could do under the circumstances and Nicky appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

"I want you to meet my sons," Red said suddenly once Nicky had laid down on the makeshift bed. Red sat down at her feet and rested a hand on her shin, while Nicky eyed her warily.

"I know who they are already," Nicky reminded her. "I've stalked your visits, if you recall. I watched through the window when you visited with your sons and Dmitri last Christmas. Gotta say that I really did miss sparkle tits though. She certainly brought some excitement to the festivities."

"Sparkle tits is back," Red replied. "I spoke to her on the phone tonight. She was getting ready to go out too, so I'll bet you anything she was sparkling in some sort of sequined dress tonight."

"Awesome," Nicky chuckled. "She looks like a Russian Barbie doll to me...and I mean, her tits are huge. She doesn't' even need the embellishments. I'm sure Yuri appreciates that."

"I'm not sure flattering his wife's tits are going to endear him to you, honey," Red said dryly. "But whatever you want."

Nicky stopped laughing at once and propped herself up on her elbows to stare at Red inquisitively in the eye. "So, you were serious about all that, huh?" She felt conflicted and touched at the same time. It felt like a conscious effort to be included, but at the same time was something of an overwhelming prospect. Nicky wasn't shy, so she wasn't sure why exactly she'd be nervous. It was just the evidence that Red really did mean it when she said she wanted her in the family forever, not just while they were stuck in Litchfield together. There was a future to be had here. It was so close to being in Nicky's grasp.

"Entirely serious," Red replied calmly. "I can have Healy add my boys to your visitation list. Next time one of them comes I can bring you in with me. I think you'll like them...especially Vasily. Something tells me that you two will have a lot in common."

"I mean...I guess," Nicky shrugged, giving Red a winning smile. "If you want me…"

Red leaned forward and held Nicky's cheeks with both of her hands, just as the lights shut off in the dormitory. "I'll always want you," Red whispered, in the sudden quiet that filled the room. "Goodnight, honey." Her hands slid down Nicky's face and she got up to leave.

"Goodnight, mom," Nicky called to her softly, filling Red's heart with sudden joy. She walked calmly back into her own bunk. Piper had flicked on her reading light and glanced up when she entered, but Red said nothing. The light didn't bother her anyway. Red zipped her sweater on for an extra layer and then lay careful down on the hard bed frame. It might be good for her back, but it still was uncomfortable and she'd be just as happy as everyone else when the prison finally issued them all new mattresses.

She rolled onto her side and closed her eyes in a bid to go to sleep. Through the partisan wall she could hear Nicky muttering as she fidgeted in bed and attempted to get herself settled. _Such a troublesome girl_ , Red thought fondly to herself, but she was so incredibly grateful to have her at all. She thought about their discussion at the greenhouse that afternoon, how well Nicky seemed to her and how relieved she felt at knowing she had done everything in her power to keep her daughter safe. It made her feel luckier than Gloria, whose son was out in the world without her and needing her so desperately. At least Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily had had their father. As she began to drift off, Red still couldn't erase the image of Gloria standing with that phone in her hand from her mind. She hoped that she was sleeping well tonight. The woman deserved a little bit of peace.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for reading and especially to those who review. This chapter is based around actual events from the show that I felt needed to be included to give their setting some context. Words in italic are quotes from the show. Apology in advance for the lack of Nicky in this chapter, for those who love her. She's a major part of the next chapter though and I'm sure she found some ways to amuse herself, behind the scenes, while Red was busy in this one.**

 **Hope you enjoy.**

" _I'm back",_ Red proclaimed, her blue eyes piercing directly into Gloria's and a smirk tugging at her lips as she waited for reaction. Her hands gracefully tugged the straps of the pristine white apron Norma had tossed her as Gloria stood in the entrance of her office, staring at her in stunned incredulity.

"You're back?" Gloria blinked. Her eyes darted around the kitchen at her girls as though she expected one of them to jump up and announce that this was just someone's idea of a joke. Although, when it came to matters concerning the kitchen she knew that Red had literally no sense of humour. This was some serious business and she knew Red expected a rise from her. "How the f*ck did you manage to talk your way back in here?" she asked, crossing her arms across her chest.

"I never should have been out of here," Red said calmly, tossing her head slightly as she folded her hands together. Yesterday, in the late afternoon, Sam Healy had let her know he'd sorted it out with Caputo for her to return to work. He'd gone out of his way for her, which was something Red had been hoping he'd be persuaded to do. She'd been gunning for his assistance for the past several weeks and finally felt like things were beginning to go her way again. She was back in her beloved kitchen as though nothing had changed. The only infringement on her jubilation was the lack of power. She was beholden to whatever the cross looking Latino woman in front of her desired. Healy had stressed that Gloria was doing too fine of a job for them to replace her. If Red wanted the kitchen back, then she was going to settle for less than before.

"Huh," Gloria scoffed. She walked over to the hook to fetch her apron she had hung there and then wrapped the straps around her waist. _"You're like a Somali pirate trying to get their ladder hooked_ ," she shook her head, as all her prison daughters walked around to stand beside her, facing Red, as a family unit. _"But I've got the whole f*cking coast guard watching you,_ " she motioned to them with her thumbs. _"These girls? They're mine!"_

" _I'm only happy to be back," Red_ said, trying to look innocent while the others gave her looks of suspicion and hostility. It wasn't as if Gloria and her girls didn't have reasons not to be thrilled about her return. Even if she hadn't injured Gina and nearly wrecked everything with her criminal attempts at sabotage, Red knew that she had been a consistent thorn in Gloria's side since the switch. Always at the ready with a critical eye was not something that Red regretted. It drove her insane to see how grumpy Gloria could become, despite having to begrudgingly admit that Gloria was indeed at least effective at the job. She had nothing personally against Gloria. She liked and respected her well enough and if it weren't or the kitchen then they could probably be friends. However, it was abundantly clear to Red that Gloria did not gain any joy from the work and it did bother her to be in such a lowly spot while Gloria strutted around managing her position. _She_ was meant to be in charge. The kitchen was her baby.

" _You're going to be happy sweeping floors, washing dishes? Because there's no way I'm going to let you handle a knife,"_ Gloria lips pursed, as she lifted her chin up a little higher and squared her shoulders. She felt under threat, well aware that Red wanted nothing more than to get this kitchen back and was strategically worming her way back in, calling on special favours from the administration or however else she had managed it. She was an annoyance and a drama that Gloria didn't need when all she was wanted was to do her job, keep herself and her girls out of trouble, and then get the hell out of this place. Litchfield wasn't a home and she refused to consider it as one. She had no ambition in this place aside from making life as tolerable as possible. Unlike Red, who was filled with a passion that Gloria considered to be borderline ridiculous, Gloria wanted nothing to do with any of that.

" _Probably wise."_ was the snarky reply she got from Red, right before she sent her off to help Norma who was silently peeling potatoes while observing their confrontation. Gloria continued to watch Red closely, as she barked orders at her staff and worked to get lunch prepped much sooner than was usually required.

Benny was coming today. She'd arranged for her boy to get rides with Sophia's wife and son, and the opportunity to have regular visitation with him was all that mattered. She watched discreetly as Norma passed Red the sharp peeler, while pretending not to notice or be impressed by the Russian's quick and graceful hands. Maybe it could be alright, them both in here together. Gloria sighed loudly, as she walked over to the stove to supervise the girls who were stirring the large pots on the stove. Everything seemed to be in order.

" _You're in charge while I take my visitation,"_ Gloria instructed Maria, as she pulled her apron off and scrunched it into a ball. _"Try not to burn the place down while I'm gone."_ She brushed off the complaints from her girls and ignored the look of disapproval on Red's face. Gloria could almost hear the other woman silently thinking about how when she ran the kitchen, she put it before everything else. She took of her cap, and finally glanced at Red on her way out of the kitchen. The air between them felt heavy with lots of feelings, although dislike was not one of them. They had a respectful relationship as prison mothers. Now they just needed to coexist on the job as well.

Maria took over commanding the room but basically left Red and Norma well enough alone, which was perfectly fine. Red could tell that Gloria ran a tight ship in here. All the girls seemed to know their jobs adequately enough, although there suddenly seemed to be a lightness in them all now that the boss was out. Flaca went to change the station on the radio and suddenly the volume in the room seemed to become louder as everyone began talking more jovially. Maritza and Flaca even tried engaging Daya in some dance moves before Maria ordered them back to their stations. Their camaraderie irritated Red, especially when she didn't have the authority to do anything about it. As time passed, Red began to feel eager for Gloria's return if only so she could bring her girls back into line. They were barely paying attention to what they were doing and Maria had given up trying to make them.

" _Norma!"_ Red called her friend's name sharply, taking command of the single person in the room who she knew would listen to her. Norma had just begun filling up the bagged lunches for the inmates who wouldn't return to the cafeteria for lunch. _"Put the drinks in first and then the sandwich. You're squishing all of them!"_

" _There, better,_ " Red nodded approvingly, glancing up in surprise as she heard heavy footsteps walking into the kitchen. Her eyes flickered up and her cheeks blushed. She'd expected it to be Gloria returning to work, although it was early and visitation time was only half over. Instead she came face to face with Healy, who smiled at her warmly. Red's blush deepened. She hadn't spoken to him since before she'd learned that he'd gotten her back in here.

"Having a nice day?" Healy asked her, rocking nervously onto the balls of his feet and back again.

"Tolerable," Red answered. She walked slowly around Norma, who she noticed was darting her eyes inquisitively between Healy and herself. She folded her arms across her chest and raised her eyebrows knowingly at him. "The boss lady is on a break," Red told him thickly, pursing her lips in disapproval.

"Does that bother you?" Healy asked her seriously.

"It is what it is," Red replied calmly. She glanced at him imploringly, as Healy shifted nervously on the spot. The atmosphere in the kitchen had darkened, the girls all quiet and working with their heads down. Healy had the ability to make every single person in a room feel uncomfortable, except for Red. She understood him. "Did you come here to see me?" she asked when he still didn't say anything.

"Just wanted to see how you were settling in," Healy admitted quietly. "I haven't been convinced this was a very good idea for you so I was curious."

"Uh huh," Red said dryly, rolling her eyes up at him. She gave Healy a biting smile. "Well, here I am," she said holding her arms out expressively.

"Here you are," Healy repeated quietly, scratching the tip of his nose with his finger. "I... umm...there is something that needs to be discussed in my office. If you have time now?"

"Alright," Red nodded, she glanced at Norma and gave her a wink. "I'll be back," she announced to the room. She took off her apron and set it on the table beside her friend. Then she walked calmly down the hall next to Healy.

XXX

"Your divorce was finalized," Healy stated, sitting down in the chair behind his desk and absentmindedly rustling some files spread out on his desk. "I got a notification here.

"I know," Red said tightly, an amused glint in her eye. She sat down in the chair across from him. "I got my divorce certificate in the mail a few days ago. It's probably my most prized possession." She smirked. Despite giving Dmitri no warning about what she was about to do, her ex-husband had signed the papers without any hesitation. They'd communicated through lawyers since Red had removed him from her visitation list and wouldn't call him. Everything had been settled fairly though. Their store and the apartment they'd lived in above it were both on the market. Once they sold the money would be split 50/50 between them. Until her release in two years, Red had appointed Yuri as her trustee. Dmitri had transferred everything of hers into their son's name and he would be managing her affairs from henceforth.

Healy frowned and cupped his chin in his hand. "Why would you take pride in failure?" he asked her with a disapproving edge in his voice.

"Because I don't see divorcing as my failure," Red replied simply. "I'm simply rectifying the mistakes my scared and stupid younger self was too unwilling to change." There were a lot of things that she would do differently if given a second chance, but she had to admit that it was a lot easier to say that now when she had literally nothing to lose. No worries about children, no fear of being alone-Red had already been stripped of everything she had and survived. Letting go of Dmitri no longer intimidated her.

Red leaned forward in her chair, her hands gripping the oak desk as her blue eyes pierced into Healy's. "Let's be real, Sam," she said in her thick accent. "You're not thinking about my situation right now...that's settled. So why don't you tell me what's wrong?"

Healy exhaled slowly and stared down at his folded hands. "Katya and I are separating," he admitted after a pause. He raised his head up to look across the desk at Red, who compressed her lips in sympathy. "I told her that she and her mother should move into an apartment and I'd pay for it."

"Well, that was generous of you," Red said. She clicked her tongue twice and cleared her throat. "You're doing the right thing, Sam... Sorry, I know that's not what you probably want to hear, but you did everything that you could."

"Talking with you before made me accept that things were never going to improve or change," Healy admitted. "You were right, Galina."

"I didn't want to be," Red sighed. "I wanted things to be different for you. But I think that's just the way life goes. _Happily ever after was created for the storybooks. So, children reach breeding age without killing themselves."_

Despite the grim picture she painted, Healy couldn't help but chuckle. He leaned back in his chair with his hands folded together. His eyes studied her as though she were a most curious specimen and Red's hands tightened their grip on the edge of his desk. _"So, you don't think there's someone, somewhere, that you're meant to be with?"_

" _Of course, I do,"_ Red answered immediately, with no form of hesitation. She bowed her head but peered up at him through her lashes, as she contemplated. _"Everybody has a soul mate,"_ she continued, _"but they're usually on the other side of the bars, of the wall, of the planet from you."_ She shrugged, lifting her head up to focus her gaze back on Healy. _"That's the way the universe works."_ she said matter-of-factly. It was something she had long ago made her peace with. It had made staying in her marriage to keep her family in-tact a lot easier. Searching for true love was a fool's game.

"Yeah," Healy sighed, "I am beginning to see that. I just don't think it always has to turn out bad. So why did everything go so terribly for us?"

"It gets easier, Sam," Red promised him, flashing a sympathetic smile. "This is a step forward for you, you'll see."

"I don't think it's a step anywhere," Healy said heavily. "It's me standing exactly where I've always ended up in the end-alone."

"Being alone is fine," Red said thickly. "I mean, look at me. All these years I've spent locked up in this place. No love, no one to hold me at night, or to whisper in my ear. And I'm fine."

"You're fine," Healy nodded slowly as he continued to study her carefully. "I wish you could be better than fine, though. It's like you've just accepted what is."

"I make the best," Red explained simply. "I'm not unhappy. I figured out how to do time, I made a family...now if only Gloria would get out of my way and I could have my kitchen back entirely that would be nice." She laughed lightly in satisfaction, as she at last coaxed a smile out of Healy. She drummed her fingers on the edge of the desk and her blue eyes sparkled. "I should go-"

"I suppose," Healy said faintly. He cleared his throat and shuffled through some files on his desk until he found hers. He reached for a pen and cleared his throat. "Before you do though, I just wanted to confirm a few things."

"Alright," Red said calmly, looking confused.

"You wanted me to list your son, Yuri, as your next of kin?" Healy asked, tapping his pen against the name written in his file."

"Yes," Red nodded, "I told you that before…"

"I just wanted to make sure that hadn't changed," Healy stammered. Since the information in her file had already been updated, he simply continued to tap his pen against the paperwork mindlessly. His question was useless. It seemed that he was just trying to come up with an excuse for why he had requested to speak with her alone. His motivations were actually of a more personal nature and Red new that.

"Sam," Red spoke up suddenly. She crawled her finger up to point at the names she saw on her visitation list. She pointed a long red polished fingernail at the spot where she could see her three sons' written. "I told Nicky to do this but knowing her she's probably already forgotten…"

"What is it?" asked Healy, the hairs on his arm standing up as Red's nail brushed against the base of his hand. He couldn't tell if that was from a deliberate or accidental reflex.

"Will you add my boys to Nicky's visitation list?" Red asked him. She slowly withdrew her hand, sliding it back across the table and into her lap. "I want them to meet," she explained.

"I don't see why not," Healy replied. "I'll handle it."

"Thank you," Red replied. She exhaled loudly, as she stood up from her chair. "And now I really do need to get back into the kitchen. The 'boss lady' will be back soon strutting around," she said sarcastically, with a roll of her eyes.

"Try to get along," Healy told her with a smile. Red twisted the knob to open the door and turned back at him momentarily. Then with a jerk of her head, she was gone.

XXX

" _You know what gives me a headache? This job!"_ Gloria was yelling right as Red re-entered the kitchen. Surprised to see that Gloria was back at all when visitation was still ongoing, Red's looked over Caputo's shoulder at Gloria who was standing by the stove. She looked almost deranged. Her eyes were wild with fury, her breath was quick in her chest, and she seemed to be having something of a fit. As Gloria continued to yell, Red hurried around to grab the broomstick and then began sweeping the floor while methodically making her way to the center of the confrontation. Her ears were perked attentively as she listened to Gloria continuing to yell.

" _I gotta be there for my son because he needs a mother! I didn't ask for this sh*t. You know that my ankles are swollen? I got calluses! And that my hair,"_ Gloria ripped the cap off of her head and brought it to her nose. _"Smells like canola oil!"_ she yelled. _"I fucking hate this place! I quit!"_

The words were like music to Red's ears. She stopped pretending to be busy sweeping and straightened up immediately to stare at Gloria. Red couldn't have tried to hide the smile on her face if she tried. It was exactly what she had been wanting and hoping for. Her hands squeezed tightly around the broom handle for support and her heart rate accelerated from excitement.

" _You can't quit, this is prison!"_ Caputo retorted impatiently, _"and there's nobody else to do it."_ Red quickly looked away from Gloria and over to Caputo. She gave him her most winning smile, tilting her head to the side persuasively and actively bopping onto the balls of her feet imploringly as she silently begged. _"Jesus"_ Caputo groaned, as he stared back at her as though he were in pain. He shook his head tiredly and Red knew perfectly well that she was the last person he wanted. Still, there wasn't anybody else if Gloria was refusing.

" _Yeah, give it to her,"_ Gloria nodded her head, as she spotted Red standing behind her. She untied her apron aggressively, balling it up in her shaking hands. _"If she wants this so bad, let her have it!"_ Gloria laughed maniacally as she tossed Red the apron, who managed to catch it, though she looked stunned. She hadn't expected Gloria to endorse her, and she was shocked to see her actually quitting in such a dramatic outburst.

Stunned into speechlessness, Red's eyes stared into Caputo's resembling something of a deer in the headlight. The broom shook in her hand and she didn't know what to say. Nobody else said anything either. Gloria placed her hands on her hips and nodded strongly looked back at Red and a smirk crawled across his face beneath the moustache. _"Okay, Reznikov,"_ he shrugged, _"You're up. Enjoy it."_

XXX

To say that Red enjoyed jumping right back into command was an understatement. As soon as Caputo had left the room Red got over her initial shock and began barking orders at her staff, snapping them back into a mode of productivity. Everything had come to a stand still during Gloria's explosion but now the kitchen life resumed. Flaca, Maritza, Maria, Aleida and Daya all shared dirty looks with one another, but nobody said anything out loud since Red was watching too closely. She was a tough boss, albeit an efficient one, and the re-made lunches and prep for supper were finished in no time.

Red's reintroduction into the kitchen had been a smooth transition, although even she was surprised at how much she had accomplished in a singular day. She hadn't expected Gloria to walk out on the job and return it to her, although it had been clear since that evening she had happened upon her at the phones, that Gloria was under a lot of stress. It was obvious that her mind was a million miles away almost all the time. Emotionally she wasn't in here, in this prison, in this kitchen. She was away with her sons, being the mother she always should have had a chance to be. Red had seen that longing in Gloria the other night while she'd spoken with Benny. It was an agony beholden to all the mothers locked up, how to disengage only enough so that you didn't lose your mind from the separation. No wonder Gloria was so irritated.

Gloria had stormed off to the kitchen's office once Caputo had left and hadn't come out or engaged with anyone since. Red had left her in there, had not bothered her. She had even resisted the temptation to go back to her bunk to retrieve all her personal cookbooks and immediately begin organizing the office the way she had had it before. Instead, she had allowed Gloria to use it as a semi-private space all afternoon. Now, glancing curiously into the doorway of the office, she could make out Gloria's form seated in the office chair, tapping her finger against her lip, as she stared blankly at the cover of a book resting on her thighs. She was obviously going through some stuff and in that instant, Red felt a smidgen of guilt for adding to Gloria's load, for being another stressor that the poor woman obviously hadn't needed.

"I want that counter sparkling clean before you go," Red told Flaca and Maritza sternly as she passed them. The girls rolled their eyes at one another and groaned loudly as they spritzed the surface and began rubbing their rags against it with their lips formed into matching pouts. Red paid them no attention, walking ahead into the office that was now hers again. She cleared her throat loudly to announce her presence.

"Have a good day?" Gloria asked sarcastically, she leaned her head back against the top of the chair and looked up at Red standing in the doorway. Her legs were stretched out on some boxes under the desk and a pile of books were stacked before her. "Do you want this?" she asked, leaning back in her chair further to hand Red the book that had been lying in her lap.

Smirking, Red accepted the book and then put her glasses on so that she could see the cover. _"A 101 Things to Do with Eggs,"_ she read out loud. Lowering the book, she peered at Gloria over her violet frames. "Are these recipes? Or is this just going to tell me all the ways you waste eggs doing your magic?"

"Recipes," Gloria replied, giving her a tight smile. "You know, I think most of this camp preferred my scrambled eggs to yours, Red. Just thought you might want to study up so that you don't disappoint everyone in the morning."

"How about those spices you used on the potatoes?" Red retorted.

"What about them?" Gloria asked lazily, clasping her hand over her mouth to disguise a perfunctory yawn.

"You used so much that they were inedible," Red replied. "And Nicky complained that sometimes you served them to her cold."

"Nichols? Please," Gloria rolled her eyes. "That girl's loyalty to you would prompt her to say anything to coax a smile out of you. She loves my home fries…. she certainly asks for a large enough portion."

"Hmm," Red sniffed. She walked deeper into the office and placed the cookbook back on the shelf. Gloria's eyes followed her, as she stretched her feet out beneath the desk comfortably. Red motioned to the stack of books before her. "Are you getting rid of these too? Or did you always leave your workspace such a mess?"

"If you want them, you can have them," Gloria replied easily. "I have no use for them anymore. I'm free!" she stretched her hands up above her head. Suddenly she frowned. "Well free from this job, at least," she sighed, dropping her hands back into her lap.

"You know, I didn't get the impression from Caputo that quitting the top job meant that you didn't have to do anything anymore," Red told her dryly, as she perused a recipe in another of Gloria's books at random.

"I'll help tomorrow," Gloria shrugged unconcernedly. "Let's just declare this a mental health day, alright?"

"Well, no one would doubt you needed one," Red replied with a smirk. Her eyes were still scanning a recipe for Beef Barley soup. "You know...I'm not sure this book is too credible. I think their measurements are off. I'd add a little more garlic and some Worcestershire sauce to the broth...this might explain why I always found yours to be a little bland."

"You're boring me," Gloria yawned exaggeratedly, not bothering to cover her mouth this time. "If you insist on being around me right now then why not talk about something more interesting?"

"Like what?" asked Red, with a frown. She returned all of Gloria's cookbooks to the shelf and then turned back to stare at her. "And this is my office again so if you have a problem, then you should leave. Or I'll kick you out."

"Hey, I gave you everything you wanted today," Gloria reminded her. She exhaled loudly. "You should be thanking me."

"For what?" Red demanded crossing her arms. "You didn't step aside for me, you did it because you couldn't handle the job."

"I handled it fine," Gloria retorted, her eyes narrowing. "I just didn't want to anymore. Why overexert myself? This is prison, not real life. I'm not going to do anything in here that will interfere with the precious time I get to be with my kid."

"So that not-so-little outburst before and you yelling at everyone, that was about your kid?" asked Red.

"Let's call that the last straw," Gloria said vaguely. She eyed Red closely. "And don't look too smug because you and your antics triggered me too."

"I didn't know I had such a powerful effect on you," Red smirked.

"Please," Gloria rolled her eyes. "You think I wasn't up to your games? How long was it going to take you to start gunning for my job if I hadn't just gone ahead and quit. You think I actually believed you'd willingly work for me?"

"Well, I had hoped you'd see reason," Red's eyes glimmered. "But I didn't expect any of this to happen today. Why didn't you just have your son visit at a later time when you'd be free? I always managed to arrange visits with my boys around my work.

"Because hitchhikers can't be choosers," Gloria replied. "Sophia's wife was driving him and that was the only time she could to do it."

"Why didn't your aunt bring him?" Red asked curiously. Reaching for a pen, she walked over to the bulletin board hung on the wall and began scratching out Gloria's meal plan with her own modifications. "Isn't she his guardian?" she asked with her back to her.

"Yeah," Gloria sighed. "But she works like crazy hours, and doesn't have a very reliable car, and I guess she just feels she's already done more than enough for me." Gloria had to blink rapidly and clear her throat to compose herself before Red turned around to face her. It was emotional to think about the Tia who had basically raised her and who now was raising her sons. Gloria knew how disappointed Lourdes was in her, which was especially unfortunate when she remembered how her aunt used to light up at the sight of her. Gloria didn't blame Lourdes for her resentment.

"So now you've made arrangements for Burset's wife to drive him?" Red clarified. Stepping away from the bulletin board, she returned the pen to the holder on the desk and then sunk onto the stool across from Gloria.

"Yeah, so I could see him every week," Gloria replied tiredly. She brushed her hair back off of her face and groaned loudly. "It was actually going pretty good in there, he and I," she admitted. "I was helping him with his homework and he was starting to catch on…. just, f*ck," she buried her face in her hand.

"Well, next time will probably be better," Red said gently. She pulled off her glasses but continued to play with the chain they were attached to. "At least you'll get the full visitation without interruption."

"I don't know," Gloria shook her head. "I'm not even sure they'll bring Benny next week. Sophia thinks he's a bad influence on her son."

"Is he?" Red asked curiously.

"Probably," Gloria admitted. Red let out a chuckle at her honesty which took Gloria so by surprise that she even flashed the Russian a begrudging smile. She knew at once that there wasn't judgement there, just two mothers who understood that their kids usually weren't angels and that was okay. Gloria had less in common with a parent like Sophia who seemed to believe that their own kid's problems were always somebody else's fault.

"He's got a mouth on him for sure," Gloria admitted, sharing a look with Red who was watching her attentively. "He gets in trouble at school, at home...but then he can turn around and just be the sweetest little guy you'll ever meet."

"He sounds like a typical boy," Red replied. "He just needs to act out right now and rebel, like everyone does to some extent. He'll grow out of it."

"I hope so," Gloria said quietly. She shook her head. "I just wish I could be there to help him with his problems. I know a lot of it probably has to do with him missing me. He was just the biggest mama's boy you'd have ever seen when I was home. To see him now, getting so tall and now so angry, I barely recognize him."

"How much time do you have left?" Red asked bluntly.

"Almost four years," Gloria said in a flat tone.

"Four years?" Red echoed, looking shocked. "For Food Stamp fraud? You've already been in here for quite awhile."

"Should have taken the plea deal," Gloria said with a shaky laugh. "Tia convinced me that they'd never put a mother in prison. I thought if I went to trial I'd be able to explain the circumstances and get off with house arrest, community service, or at least less time than they'd been offering. I never expected this."

"Oh," Red said softly, suddenly at a complete loss for words. The only thing she wanted to ask was what the circumstances surrounding her crime had been, but she had a strong suspicion that Gloria wouldn't answer, would even be bothered by the intrusion into her personal life when they weren't friends, or at least not very good ones. Gloria's coffee brown eyes seemed so sensitive to her suddenly. There were so many stories and much pain buried in their depths. There was a lot withheld and suddenly Red felt a rush of compassion. She wasn't even thinking about herself right now. She was completely focused on Gloria.

"My family is in Queens," she said suddenly. "Near yours, I think? I heard you say something before. Mine are in Astoria."

"Yeah," Gloria nodded. "They're in close proximity. Funny, huh?"

"Convenient," Red replied. "Because if rides from Sophia's family aren't working out, I think I could help you." Her words were deliberate and slow. She meant them. Sitting with Gloria these past minutes had suddenly spiraled Red into a compulsion to do something for her. Gloria didn't get enough credit for what she deserved and it was clear that she was struggling.

"I was going to ask you before, actually," Gloria admitted. Her nose twitched as she gave Red a quick smile. "But then after you told me about your husband, I dropped it."

"My sons still visit though," Red told her. "They don't come every week always, but usually one of them does. I could tell them to bring Benny and it would be no problem."

"Red, I-" Gloria gasped suddenly, and her lips stretched into a genuine smile that signified a glimmer of joy. "Benny could pay them for their gas, I'll trade you whatever-"

"You don't have to do any of that," Red interrupted, holding up a hand. "I mean, as you so blatantly put it, you already gave me exactly what I wanted. It's making me feel generous."

"Red... thank you," Gloria said sincerely, as relief coursed through her veins. She suddenly felt hopeful. A rising of faith that had been faltering lately. Now she was beginning to believe that everything might be okay. That a relationship could be rekindled between herself and her child. "Will you call...ask them tomorrow?"

"I don't have to ask them," Red scoffed. "They'll do what I say. And if they were planning to come anyways, then Benny, or your other son, accompanying them makes no difference. Do you only have the two?"

"I have two sons," Gloria told her. "Benny, and then Julio is just a year older than him…." she hesitated, her lips parting as she almost went on. Red raised her eyebrows expectantly, but Gloria clamped her mouth shut before revealing that she also had two older daughters who were estranged from her. It wasn't relevant and Red didn't need to know that much about her. She rested her arms on top of the desk and leaned closer to Red. "How many sons do you have?" she asked.

"Three," Red replied, looking slightly suspicious at Gloria's hesitation. "Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily. They're all in their early thirties"

"Nice," Gloria said softly. "They must be pretty great guys if they're willing to drive complete strangers over an hour."

"I think their mothers' similar circumstances might bond them," Red said, with a roll of her eyes.

"Maybe," Gloria agreed. "Although Julio can be pretty quiet, and Benny has a hard time with new people and tries to hide it by acting like he's bigger than he is. I'm not sure either would be great company…"

"It will be fine," Red assured her. Silence fell between the two women, wrought heavy with a lot of unspoken things. Red opened and closed her mouth several times but did not say anything else. Not for lack of wanting. Red was suddenly filled with curiosity about the mystery that was Gloria. There was a lot more to her than what met the eye, but she wasn't sure if she had a right to inquire about any of it. There was currently a lot of openness and sharing happening between the two women who were at best rivals, who sometimes cooperated and other times were downright antagonistic. Suddenly there was no more contention between them. They were just two women, two mothers, who were connecting through their similar roles without any competitiveness between them.

" _Ladies, get ready to thank me!"_ Caputo's voice rang out in the kitchen, just as Red had opened her mouth to ask Gloria more about herself. Both women frowned across the desk at one another and then slowly got to their feet.

"What the-" Gloria muttered, as she and Red walked out of the office and spotted Caputo standing smugly next to a trolley heavily laden with large boxes. _Beef Wellington, Chicken a la King, Macaroni and Cheese..._ were printed across the sides of the boxes. Red and Gloria exchanged a look as they approached Caputo.

" _What's this?"_ Red asked, crossing her arms. Standing closely side by side, her shoulder pressed against Gloria's. The immaculately clean kitchen was empty of inmates, besides themselves.

" _The wave of the future,"_ Caputo replied promptly, as though he had been rehearsing for this announcement. He smiled as he watched Red's eyes reading off the labels on the boxes. He opened the top box and pulled out a large bag that had something brown in it that made Gloria wrinkle her nose in distaste. _"Pre-packaged, boil in the bag meals. Your lives just got a hell of a lot easier. Just dump these bags in the steamer...and call it a day."_

" _Tell me this is a joke,"_ Red exclaimed, her voice pleading.

"It's not a joke," Gloria said dryly, crossing her arms across her chest. "I'm sure glad I'm not running things around her no more."

" _You didn't think I'd put you in charge if you actually had any power, did you?"_ Caputo pointed a finger at Red, almost tauntingly. It had been the plan all along. It would have been carried out regardless of who was running things in this kitchen, but Red still felt like this was a personal insult. She felt like she'd been punched in the stomach. As if to provoke her further, Caputo actually winked at her before turning on his heel to leave.

"Well…." Gloria said slowly, her eyes on the workmen loading up their refrigerator with the boxes. Red had sucked in her breath and winced, as though the sight of them was physically hurting her. It pained Gloria too. She might not as be as emotional about the food as Red was, but nothing about those bagged meals had seemed appetizing to her either. She felt defeated, whereas only moments ago she had been full of hope. The situation with her children was beginning to seem less bleak, since she and Red had been getting somewhere. Now everything seemed to be falling apart, which should come as no surprise to her anymore. She should be used to it. Red, who had been so positive and warm in the office, suddenly looked crestfallen and victimized. She'd wanted her kitchen back, but not like this. Gloria wasn't sure she would still be as appreciative of her stepping down now.

"So…." Gloria chuckled, patting her hands together, as she stared into Red's eyes and tried to engage her. "Will you still give my son a ride?"


	5. Chapter 5

"Why are you here?" Gloria yawned. Coming out of the walk-in fridge carrying a bag of something that resembled porridge, she plopped it down heavily on the counter and fixed Red with a curious stare. "I told you to sleep in."

"I can't sleep in with everyone making the noise they are," Red said grumpily. She frowned down at the bag Gloria had just tossed up. "Although the sight of that mess makes me never want to eat again."

"You want me to make us some strawberry jam sandwiches instead?" Gloria smiled at her. "We've got enough if we eat in secret before the other girls show up for their shift."

"That does sound better," Red admitted begrudgingly.

"Doesn't it?" Gloria agreed. She went into the pantry for some bread and then into the fridge for a precious jar of raspberry jam. Such a luxury food item wasn't widely available anymore. Anyone who wanted more than a sliver of margarine over their morning toast had to buy from commissary and carry it to breakfast with them.

"It's not _kasha_ or _butterbrots_ ," Red observed, when Gloria handed her a toasted jam sandwich a few minutes later, "but it's better than slop."

"Way to be positive," Gloria replied. "So, eat up and then you gotta get out of here."

"You want me gone so badly?" Red asked.

"Uh...yeah," Gloria blinked. "Did you forget it's your birthday today?"

"So?" Red asked. She took a bite of the sandwich and chewed thoughtfully.

"So... most people take it easy on their birthdays," Gloria replied. "Do what they want...let people celebrate them."

"Celebrate getting another year older and another year of my life wasted in this place?" Red said grumpily, as Gloria pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation.

"Okay, fine, don't celebrate," Gloria told her. "Why don't you go back to your bunk and read a depressing story or something? Wallow in misery…"

"Why not just let me help make breakfast?" Red replied.

"Because then it will look bad when I refuse to lift a finger on _my_ birthday," Gloria answered with a smirk. "Don't expect me to emerge from my bunk before ten that day."

"I see," Red said dryly. "Hmm...well, in that case maybe I'll go see if Nicky wants to take a walk outside with me before visitation. Probably going to have to drag her out of bed though, no doubt."

"Your sons are still coming for visitation then?" Gloria asked hopefully.

"Yes," Red nodded her head. She gave Gloria a knowing look. "Which means so are yours…." She'd already needed to reassure the woman more than once that the plans weren't going to suddenly change without warning. Gloria seemed to expect the sky to fall through if she ever got too excited about something. It just seemed too good to be true that Julio and Benny would be able to visit her regularly. After one tense drive with Sophia's wife and son, Gloria hadn't believed anybody would be willing to put up with Benny's attitude voluntarily. There was still time for anything to go wrong, but Gloria really was being to dare to hope that this might work out. Red didn't seem to think her sons were making any sort of sacrifice by allowing two boys along when there was room in the vehicle and they were coming here anyway. She had appreciated Gloria giving her the kitchen back, at least initially, and a big part of her really sympathized with the other woman's plight. Being mothers was something they both had in common, even if that appeared to be the only thing.

"Try not to worry so much," Red told her, watching the way Gloria had bitten down on her bottom lip either in anxiety or excitement. It was probably a bit of both.

"It's just that if I get the chance to see them more regularly, we might be able to have a real relationship again," Gloria said softly. "But I don't want to get my heartbroken from too high of expectations...I barely know them anymore."

"Well, I hope today goes well," Red said quietly. "And if this time doesn't, then maybe their next visit. My sons will bring them again."

"Thank you," Gloria whispered with a nervous smile. She jerked her head towards the exit meaningfully. "Now are you going to go find Nicky and take a walk or do I have to throw you out of here?"

"I never knew you were so bossy, Mendoza," Red said dryly. She carried her plate over to the sink and dumped it into the sudsy water. "But I suppose I'll leave you in peace…. clearly you want me gone."

"Go enjoy your birthday for a little bit, Reznikov," Gloria told her with her arms crossed sternly. "I'll see you at visitation."

XXX

As soon as they were cleared to enter the visitation room, Red stepped briskly ahead with a confident stride that Nicky wished she could emulate. She kept close on Red's heel, her eyes were transfixed against the back of her wavy red locks. Nicky pressed her hands firmly against the front of her thighs and nearly bumped into the back of the woman, when Red stopped suddenly in front of a table near the back row.

It was only then that Nicky stepped to the side, out of the way. She watched as a tall, thin man, with black hair jumped up from his seat to embrace Red. Nicky knew from his mother's descriptions that this was Vasily. His two brothers, Yuri and Maxim, followed suit. Hurrying up from their seats they queued behind Vasily and waited to embrace their mother with the sort of formality that suggested that this routine was normal to them. Thirty second hugs were permitted at the start and end of visitation, and by observation Nicky could see that the boys were all almost automatically stepping back to give each other enough time to properly greet their mother before the guards ordered everyone to take their seats. This was just their life and family now. It was obvious to Nicky that the mother and sons were used to it.

One person had remained seating at the table. She was a pretty woman with auburn hair and bright blue eyes that were accentuated with black mascara. Nicky immediately recognized her as the daughter-in-law who had shown up one Christmas in a red glittery sweater. _Sparkle Tits_ , Nicky had dubbed her afterwards, and Red had not seemed to mind. Last time she had been mentioned Red had announced that Yuri's wife had taken the kids, and the guinea pigs, and moved to Sheepshead Bay. Evidently the couple had reconciled, though that was hardly newsworthy. Much to their mother's irritation, Red's sons seemed incapable of having stable relationships that were not prone to frequent outbursts and dramatic breakups, aside from Maxim who annoyed his mother in a different way by seeming to avoid romances all together. Nicky noted with a smirk that the black eye daughter-in-law number two had given Vasily after a drunken exchange shortly after the birth of their son seemed to have healed. Red hadn't been too sympathetic about that situation either.

"Hello, Anna," Red said quietly. Stepped closer to Nicky's side, Red dragged her own chair out from the table and sat down in it. If it bothered her that her daughter-in-law hadn't stood up to embrace her then she didn't show it. Red eyed her with cool blue eyes and then glanced up at Nicky with considerable more warmth. "This is Nicky," Red announced to their four visitors, gently squeezing Nicky's shoulder as she took the seat beside her. "Nicky, this is Maxim, Vasily, Yuri, and Anna-Yuri's wife."

Anna smiled tightly across the table at Nicky, while fidgeting precariously with a yellow gold hoop earring. "Hi," she said with the slightest trace of a Russian accent, not nearly as present as her Red's but still detectable to Nicky's ear. "It's nice to meet you," she said politely, extending a hand across the table that flashed of long pink acrylic fingernails.

"You too," Nicky nodded, feeling more awkward and shy than she had ever expected. She accepted the pale hand in hers and held back a smirk at the feeling of Anna's large wedding ring as it stabbed into her. To the untrained eye it would look rather impressive, but she could tell it was a fake just by the way the diamonds caught the light.

"Lida wanted to come see you for your birthday, Ma," Vasily said, after they all finished murmuring shy hellos to Nicky. "But she didn't trust Pop to babysit Alexei," he snickered.

"She's a smart girl," Red rolled her eyes. "You were at least three before I was comfortable going out alone and leaving Papa to mind you for more than a few minutes."

"Really?" Maxim raised his eyebrows, and Red's lips twitched as she met is gaze and gave a curt nod.

"Lida isn't _that_ bad," Vasily guffawed. "At least not anymore. She trusts me."

"I don't know," Anna said dryly, glancing sideways over at her brother-in-law. "Don't you recall the way she lashed out at you down at the cottage for forgetting to pack the extra diapers last week?"

"Yeah, well, in Lida's defense, we were out in the middle of nowhere," Yuri reminded his wife, as he stretched his arm across the back of her chair. "They had to drive forty-five minutes back into town to find a store that sold them. I'd have been mad too."

"I still would never have lost my temper like that," Anna said coolly. "She hasn't been exactly right in the head since the baby was born." Neither Red nor Nicky could fail to notice the way Anna immediately stiffened, straightening her posture so that her husband's arm didn't touch her. Red looked like she had swallowed a lemon and with surprising restraint she didn't comment about what was going through her mind.

"The baby isn't even a year old," Red said thickly. "I think she deserves a little more time to adjust. Especially since he hasn't been exactly easy…"

"That's an understatement," Vasily groaned. "The kid never sleeps. He still wakes up multiple times a night and fights naps with everything he has."

"That sounds a lot like you as a baby," Red said pointedly, with the smallest hint of a smile. She turned to Nicky, who had been uncharacteristically quiet since they had set down.

"I had two boys who slept when I wanted them to sleep, ate when they were supposed to eat, and were all smiles the rest of the time," Red told Nicky, trying to steer her more into the conversation.

"And then I had this one," she motioned back with her hand toward Vasily. "He had this awful high-pitched shriek he'd emit whenever I put him down for an instant. I had to carry him around 24/7."

"See, that is why I don't ever want to have kids," Nicky joked, leaning forward in her chair as she tried her hardest so seem at ease. "No respect for personal boundaries. I need space."

"Oh, Mama, you didn't mind," Vasily smiled. Affectionately, he reached across the table to pat his mother's hand. "Think of all the extra bonding we got in because of that. No wonder, I'm your favourite son."

"Well, maybe you should apply that to your own middle of the night calls now," Red told him wryly. "Get yourself out of bed once in awhile and let your wife rest."

"Not my wife," Vasily reminded her. Red rolled her eyes in irritation as she swatted her son's hand off of her own briskly.

"I'm with you, Nicky," Maxim laughed, rolling his eyes at his younger brother's antics. "I go over to Yuri and Vasily's and I play with their kids, and then I like going home to some peace and quiet. I mean..no offense, guys," he held up his hands as he glanced sideways at the three people seated with him. "But your houses are loud."

"You'll feel differently once you meet a nice woman and want to settle down," Red told him sternly. "Why wouldn't you want to have children?"

"I don't know, Ma," Maxim chuckled, glancing down at his lap as he withdrew a wallet from his jeans pocket. "But how about we pause this topic for now? I'm going to go get us all some snacks from the vending machine."

"What would you like, Nicky?" he asked generously, looking down at the young woman his mother had been so eager for them to meet. He was trying to be friendly. For whatever reason, she and his mother clearly had connected and it had been very important to Red that they all meet. None of them were thinking too much of it for now. They were happy that their mother appeared to have found someone to make being in here a little more bearable. In the end, they just wanted her to be happy. All three sons had always been uncomfortable with the way their father's life had remained considerably pleasant while their mother suffered in prison. They knew it was unjust, but they were also powerless to control anything about either parents' situation. They loved them both.

"Huh?" Nicky asked, raising her eyebrows as she looked up at him in surprise at being singled out.

"Soda, chocolate bar, you name it…" Maxim listed off.

"Oh, I'd love a diet coke," Nicky said after a moment's pause. "Thanks a lot."

"Anything else?" asked Maxim.

"Maybe some pretzels?" Red suggested, glancing back at Nicky. "You could share with me…"

"Yeah," Nicky nodded, giving Red a shy smile. She was beginning to relax, despite feeling like a complete stranger in their midst. This was Red's family, her three children who had been carried by her as babies and grown up together. It was hard not to feel somehow inferior compared to all of that history, though she knew her relationship with Red was special too. Red loved her and she had wanted her with her today because she was family. Nicky belonged there too.

"Are you treating for everyone?" Yuri teased his brother.

"Oh, don't be cheap," Anna hissed. She reached behind her into the black purse she had slung over the back of the chair. Reaching in for her wallet she pulled out a few bills and handed them to her husband. "I want a ginger ale and some skittles," she instructed him. "Then you can get whatever you want."

"Well, someone is going to have to buy for me," Vasily joked to his brothers. "Because I forgot my wallet in the car. You two can fight over it at the machine."

"What do you want?" Maxim asked him.

"Coke and an O'Henry bar," Vasily told him. "Thanks." He leaned back contentedly in his chair and smiled across the table at them. "Are you having a good birthday so far, Ma?"

"When I manage to forget for a few minutes that it's my birthday," Red said gruffly. "Why would I want to get older? I'm happy to see all of you though." Her eyes were wandering, following the trek of her two other sons as they walked across the visitation room together towards the vending machines. They passed the table near the back, where Gloria was seated with her two boys. Red wasn't sure who was who, but both of Gloria's sons seemed quiet. Sitting with their hands under the table and their eyes averted from hers. Red sighed as she observed the way Gloria was leaning forward, clearly desiring closeness with the two children that seemed forever distant.

"How was the drive?" she asked, glancing back over at Vasily and Anna. "Were Gloria's boys okay?"

"Quiet," Anna answered. "But very polite."

"Really?" Red asked in surprise. From all that Gloria had said about her sons, in particular Benny, quiet and polite hadn't been how she would have expected them to be described. Although, Red's family was strangers to them and it made sense that they would be a little uncertain going for a long car drive with people they didn't know.

"Mhmm," Anna nodded her head slowly. "I was surprised too. With their mother in prison...well, I mean, I would have expected more behavioural issues. Poor kids...they aren't even that much older than Feliks and Ivanna," she observed, referencing her and Yuri's two children whom Red had never met. At the hurt expression on Red's face, Anna bit the inside of her cheek, clearly aware that what she had just said was offensive to both women seated across from her. However, she continued to look resoundingly unapologetic. In her opinion, Galina Reznikov had made her own poor choices and pretending like that didn't hurt her family was ridiculous. Anna saw up close how difficult all of this was for Yuri and his brothers.

"They seem like nice kids," Vasily hurried to say. "I'll probably come up just by myself next week but I already told them that they're welcome to join me. I think once they get a little more comfortable they'll talk some more."

"Yes, just be patient with them," Red said in quiet agreement. Glancing back over in Gloria's direction, she sighed at the tension that she could sense even at this distance. "They were out of state for years apparently and lost touch with their mother. It's very good of you boys to bring them along and give them that chance to reconnect."

"Well, you asked," Vasily shrugged. "Their mom's your friend?"

"I don't know if I would go that far," Red scoffed. "But...I work with her. She's alright. I figured if we could help then we should."

"Hmm," Vasily nodded, looking suspiciously across the table at his mother. "Well...that's nice of you."

XXX

Since she had caught sight of her two sons, Gloria hadn't been able to take her eyes off of them. Seated quietly across from her, looking uncertain and without too much to say. It would have broken her heart, except after not seeing them both together in two and a half years, Gloria could hardly blame them for being unsure. She had missed so much of them, it was impossible to know where to begin and just how to fill her in about such a large gap of time that had taken them across the country and put them through things she would never be able to completely understand. Phone calls had been expensive and infrequent. There was never enough time. And Lourdes, Gloria's aunt, was always quick to remind her niece that she had no business asking for even more from her than she had already sacrificed. Yet, the punishment of estrangement from her children was far harsher than being physically confined to this prison. Gloria paid heavily for it every single day.

"Here guys," a gentle voice said as he passed their table. He set down three different chocolate bars on the table and three sodas. "Thought you might want something to eat." He was gone before they could respond, walking back towards his own mother's visitation table after guessing correctly that neither Julio or Benny had spending money to buy candy with at the moment.

"That was very nice," Gloria said quietly. She glanced back her shoulder at the broad shouldered young man with lightly streaked reddish hair. Of Red's three sons, he was the one who most resembled her. "Which one was that?"

"Yuri," Julio answered quietly. His eyes lit up at a can of orange crush and he claimed it quickly before Benny could. "Do you want the Kit-Kat, mom?" he asked politely, glancing down at the assortment of chocolate bars they had been gifted. He remembered how they had been her favourite before.

"Do you want to split it with me?" Gloria asked him with a small smile. Julio nodded shyly and handed the bar over to her. Gloria tore the wrapper and then broke the bar down the middle, breaking the ice as effectively as she did the chocolate. She passed half to Julio and then glanced anxiously over at Benny. Her younger son hadn't spoken a word since they'd sat down.

"Benny, you want a piece?" Gloria offered. She broke her two sticks in half and held one out to him.

"No," Benny shook his head. He exhaled loudly, unclenching his tightly folded arms as he straightened up in his chair and looked down at the table. "I'm going to have this whole one," he announced to them, reaching for a snickers bar. "And since Julio snagged the best drink without even asking me, I guess I'll get stuck with a Root Beer."

"Poor you," Gloria said sarcastically. "You realize Yuri didn't have to bring us anything. So, you should be thankful."

"I didn't have to come at all today either," Benny told her spitefully. "So, I hopeyou're thankful."

"I am," Gloria said quietly. "All I want is to see more of you two. I'm more grateful than words can possibly express, and since Mrs. Reznikov's sons visit a lot, we'll be able to spend a lot more time together."

"Yeah, I guess it's nice you're making friends in this place," Benny said sarcastically. "Tia was a bit worried about letting us drive off with kids of a convicted felon, until I pointed out that Julio and I are also kids of a convicted felon. She kind of appreciated the irony in that."

"Well, I think they seem like good people," Gloria said, ignoring the way she knew her son was intentionally trying to get under her skin.

"I like them," Julio offered sweetly. "They're nice. They said they'd take us to McDonalds on the drive back to the city."

'That's wonderful," Gloria smiled at him. "I really want this to work out. And Benny- I expect you to behave because they're the reason we'll get to see each other more, and we really need that."

"Yeah, yeah," Benny said indifferently, as he bit off a large bite of chocolate.

Gloria curled her toes in her shoes and pressed her tongue up to the roof of her mouth in a desperate bid to keep control of her temper. Benny was such a frustrating person. Gloria knew that Lourdes hadn't been exaggerating at all the last time she had visited and described his behaviour. There were barely any recognizable signs of the sweet little boy that had once been so clingy to his mother and been afraid of the dark. Now, Benny was becoming a teenager-an angry adolescent who was mad at the world and at her, not that Gloria could blame him. She just hoped seeing him a little more frequently would give her the opportunity to reach him. She worried about her sons so much and the consequences her own mistakes were having on them every minute of their lives. More than ever before, Gloria knew that she needed to practice patience.

The rest of the visit passed in relative silence and short answer responses from both boys to the questions she would ask them. Gloria wanted to know everything. She pressed for information about their school, friends, hobbies, favourite books and TV shows. She just wanted to know them, but they made it resoundingly difficult. In the precious minutes remaining, Gloria and her sons polished off the sodas and chocolate bars that Yuri had gifted them. By the time the guards announced that visiting hours had come to an end, Gloria hoped that she had made a little bit of progress. She hugged them to her tightly while they stayed stiff in her arms and then they were gone. She would be counting the minutes until their next visit.

"Are you alright?" Red asked carefully once they had been processed out of the visitation room pat downs and were walking down the hall together with Nicky.

"Yeah," Gloria nodded slowly. "I'm alright. Thank you for-"

"Don't mention it," Red said gruffly. "I didn't even do anything."

"Well, your sons are great guys," Gloria told her softly.

"Not so sure about the wife though," Nicky said bluntly.

"Nicky," Red chuckled.

"What? You like her?" Nicky asked in wide-eyed amazement.

"No," Red scoffed. "I think she's spoiled, prissy, and not nearly as smart as she seems to think she is."

"Well, you probably don't need to worry," Nicky told her. "I highly doubt that marriage will last much longer. Did you see the body language between those two? Talk about cold!"

"Well, I suppose that's why they stopped after two children," Red said dryly. "According to Dmitri, he doesn't think they've slept in the same bed in at least a few years."

"You still talk to him?" Gloria asked in surprise.

"No, not since last May," Red shook her head. "But before that we used to talk on the phone at least every other night. He'd keep me updated on the boys lives-try to stay on top of his lies…"

"You feel better now that it's over?" Gloria asked her with a smile.

"I feel liberated," Red told her. "My boys don't like to discuss it, they say they're fine with it…. but I'm happy. Marrying him was a mistake that I finally decided to rectify."

"Amen," Gloria smiled.

"Yeah, when my mom and dad divorced, Marka threw a big party to celebrate," Nicky shared. "Not the classiest affair the woman ever threw, mostly a lot of bitter middle-aged women trashing their exes. But the cake tasted good at least."

"Nicky," Red chuckled, reaching out to affectionately tuck a lock of hair behind the girl's ear. It bounced back almost immediately. Nicky's hair was always unruly.

"Was it alright in there for you?" she asked, with a touch of concern in her tone. She wasn't sure if she had been too forward in insisting Nicky meet her sons, except she had wanted them to know one another. Most important, she had wanted to show Nicky that she really meant it when she called her her daughter. She thought by including her in the family, Nicky would have no remaining doubts that Red wanted her to be in her life always. They had a future to look forward to out of this place and now it seemed reachable.

"Yeah, it was good," Nicky assured her. "I liked them-I guess we can keep them."

"Good," Red said, smiling so brightly that Gloria had to take a second look. Galina Reznikov didn't smile like that too often-at least not since they had transitioned to the disgusting bags of slop in the kitchen. Her whole face lit up when she smiled though, making her look younger and softer than she usually did. Gloria liked the glint of happiness in her eye.

"Well, you two…" Gloria said, shooting a meaningful look at Nicky. "I guess I'm going to head into the kitchen."

"Why?" Red asked sharply. "We don't need to start prepping for supper for at least another two hours-it takes all of five minutes just to poor that slop into a pan and warm up."

"Yeah, well, you know," Gloria said distractedly. "There's just something I want to check out. I won't be long. You don't have to come."

"I don't like to spend more time in that place than I have to," Red informed her, wrinkling her nose in disgust. "Now that the administration has done away with anything worthy of human consumption."

"Uh huh," Gloria rolled her eyes sarcastically at the rant that she had been listening to every single day since she and Red had started working together. "Where was that attitude when I was trying to kick you out all morning? I told you to take the day off."

"You just didn't want me around," Red told her, as the corners of her mouth tugged threateningly.

"Well, that was only part of it," Gloria teased her. "I'll see you both around...Nicky?" she looked back over at the girl who caught her eye and nodded, before quickly snapping her attention back to Red who was looking suspicious.

"What was that about?" Red frowned. "You two have some secret code about me now?"

"Why do you presume everything is about you?" Nicky asked innocently. "But seriously, Ma...what would you like to do now? We should go in the common room, see who's hanging out."

"No," Red shook her head. "I don't want to see people. I'm going to go read in my bunk until I need to get back to work."

"How exciting," Nicky rolled her eyes. "You can do that anytime. Besides, I need to show you something."

"Nicky," Red growled. "What exactly are you on about now?"

"Come on, come on," Nicky said brightly. She linked her hand in the crook of Red's arm and tugged her eagerly in the direction of the common room. "You won't be sorry."

Reluctantly, Red allowed Nicky to steer her where she wanted her to go. She was in too good a mood to say no. So, although she usually preferred to be alone after visits with her sons, to unwind and reflect, it was how Red found herself walking into the ordinary common room that was decorated up as best as could be with all their closest friends in attendance. They were clearly waiting for her.

"Happy Birthday, Red!" Piper exclaimed. She was leaning against Alex's arm with a cup of juice in her hand. Lorna was standing in front of a birthday banner that only she could have made, judging by the pink and yellow colours which were well known to be her favourites. Gina had music playing and Norma, Frieda, DeMarco, and everyone else was standing around together smiling at her.

"You had to put the age on the banner?" Red said grumpily, as Lorna skipped across the room to hug her.

"What? Sixty is a milestone birthday," Lorna exclaimed. "It's a pretty special one."

"It means I'm old," Red complained.

"Don't worry, Ma," Nicky said, resting her chin affectionately against Red's shoulder. "You still don't look a day over fifty-nine. You want something to eat?"

She and Lorna led Red over to the double card tables that had been pressed together with sheets covering them to serve as tablecloths. Gloria was standing behind one, currently laying a large pan holding a golden cake with vanilla icing down in the middle. The rest of the spread looked just as enticing. A garden salad and what appeared to be egg and cheese sandwiches. A platter of corn on the cob was set to one side, that was still steaming hot as Gloria had just removed the tin foil cover.

"How on earth did you manage all of this?" Red asked her amazement.

"With a lot of difficulty," Gloria replied. "Thanks to your complete inability to take a hint when someone tries to get you to leave the kitchen. Didn't you ever learn the rule not to question things on your birthday?"

"Well, I didn't believe that applied in prison," Red told her dryly. She tapped her red fingernails against the cloth covered table as Nicky, Lorna, and the others began lining up to help themselves to the rare good food available.

"You gave my sons back to me," Gloria said quietly. "There's nothing better than that. So, I had to work a little magic-and get Frieda and Nicky to do some raiding of the garden when you weren't looking, but I made it work. Everything else we got from commissary. I didn't do it all myself." She smiled shyly across the table at Red. A woman who had been her rival and once barely tolerable but was now becoming a friend.

"Does the number sixty look better when it's written in smarties?" Gloria teased, pointing out the large 6-0 that had been spelled out with the candies. "That was Nicky's idea by the way, I had a feeling you'd be weird about that."

"You all just want to rub it in," Red shook her head, though she couldn't help but smirk. It wasn't the aging that bothered her, it was just the passage of time and the years of life she had missed. But she'd be going home soon enough, and even now, Red had things that were bringing her happiness.

"Well, before I eat that sixty cake... I think I'll have a bit of everything else you made. It looks good," she admitted.

"Well, mostly everything came from your garden," Gloria reminded her. She handed Red a plate to fill and then took another for herself. Silently, they both took helpings of the corn, salad, and the sandwiches which Gloria had made from bread and canned ham and tuna at commissary. She had sent Nicky shopping with a list a few days ago and the girl had come back with everything she had needed.

Gloria and Red took seats side by side in the chairs set around the floor space where Pennsatucky and Big Boo were busting out some dance moves together. Over their food, the two women exchanged looks and tried not to laugh as they watched the best entertainment one could expect to find around here.

"Vasily told me that he is going to come back next Saturday and he'll bring your boys with him," Red told her quietly.

"Next Saturday?" Gloria said excitedly. She leaned back in her chair and as she did so, her shoulder brushed against Red's. Almost seeming unaware of the subtle pressure, neither woman moved back as they looked at one another. "I didn't think it would be _that_ soon. Red-thank you."

"It's nothing," Red shook her head. "Vasily likes them. They told me your boys are both very polite, if a little on the quiet side."

"Both of them?" Gloria asked skeptically. "Benny was polite?"

"The calm before the storm?" Red asked softly, with a touch of amusement in her voice. From what she had seen of the boy, it wasn't hard to imagine that he would be a handful, though he'd been apparently fine on the drive today.

"Probably," Gloria reckoned. "He's a nightmare at home…."

"Well, maybe seeing more of you will begin to help with that," Red suggested. "They don't usually stay like that."

"I think he misses me," Gloria said uncertainly. "Though he'd never admit it."

"Of course, he does," Red replied. "Gloria," she spoke her name gently, and as she did she reached out a hand and rested it on Gloria's forearm. "They both love you," she told her seriously. "Don't ever doubt that."

"I try not to," Gloria whispered, looking down at where Red's hand was touching her arm. The room had become suddenly more still as everyone stopped what they were doing and turned towards the door. Healy had just walked into the room. His sudden appearance offering a simple explanation for why all of a sudden everyone seemed more withdrawn.

"He let us have private use of the common room today," Gloria told Red, who had pulled her arm away as she looked over her shoulder at the man. "Nicky asked him if we could for your birthday and he said yes. I was surprised when she even bothered asking-they wouldn't do that for most people."

"We should give him a piece of cake or something," Red said.

"You don't have to be that nice," Gloria retorted, but Red had already gotten to her feet and carried her cleared plate back over to the table.

"Thanks for reserving the room for us, Sam," Gloria heard Red say from across the room. "I didn't suspect a thing." Shrugging to herself, Gloria turned her attention back to her own food. Her eyes scanned around the room landing on the group of younger girls that Nicky was hanging out with, followed by the older women that Gloria momentarily considered joining before deciding she was comfortable enough where she was.

"Happy Birthday, Galina," Healy said, when Red reached his side. "I'm about to go home for the day, but I just wanted to wish you that before I left. Are you having a good day?"

"Yes," Red nodded. "My sons came to see me this afternoon and now all of this," she motioned with her hand to the room that was decorated, filled with food, and people who cared about her. "It's very nice."

"You deserve it," Healy told her warmly. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Red nodded her head slowly as the slightest blush burned across her cheeks. She looked up at him, suddenly feeling a little shy. Wondering why he had decided to seek her out now, of all times, when she was surrounded by all of her peers. She didn't want to draw attention to the comfortableness that existed between them-and yet, at the same time, she was happy to see him. It was a confusing feeling but inwardly she felt special that he hadn't wanted to leave before wishing her a Happy Birthday. It was a simple thing, but it made her feel like she mattered.

"Do you want a piece of cake before you go?" Red stammered awkwardly. "I mean...I didn't bake it, Mendoza did, but she's _almost_ as good a cook as me so it's probably worth tasting."

"Sure," Healy chuckled. "Thank you."

They walked over to the table, which was now mostly cleared of all the food as nearly everyone had already helped themselves to seconds. The cake was still untouched, everyone waiting for Red to make the first slice. She picked up the butter knife and cut a square for Healy which she placed in a paper napkin for him to carry.

"Well, now I at least know you'll have eaten something on the way home," Red told him. "I don't think you've been eating very well since the separation. You look like you've lost weight."

"Do I?" Healy asked, subconsciously bringing his hand across his very ample round stomach. "I don't know...but Katya never cooked much for me anyway. I guess I haven't had much of an appetite lately though."

"Sam," Red said his name reprovingly, clicking her tongue. "You need to take care of yourself…. otherwise how will you take care of us?"

"I try my best," Healy told her with a smile, seeming to relish in the praise from her.

"You're good to me," Red told him sincerely as she looked up into his eyes. "I'm thankful to you…"

"Can we have some cake now too?" Nicky asked loudly, as she approached the table with Lorna, Alex, and Piper on her heels.

"Yes," Red told them. "Do you want big pieces or small?"

"Big," Nicky replied. "And can you make mine a corner piece?"

"See you tomorrow, ladies," Healy told them all, turning to leave the room and head out to his car. He glanced back over one final time to see Red serving the cake out to her girls and looking content and peaceful. He'd meant what he said, that she deserved a good birthday. Galina Reznikov was so much to so many people and, even though she was in here, he knew she was a good woman. He was glad that he was able to make her life a little easier, that she recognized what he did and didn't hesitate to acknowledge it. It was something his wife had never done, but which with Galina came so naturally. She appreciated him and he was glad to know her.

"Don't you want some cake too?" Red asked, as she walked back over to where she had left Gloria sitting alone. She hadn't moved. Instead staying seated while everyone else had clamoured over eagerly for a piece.

"I wasn't sure if there'd be any left after all those savages raced over," Gloria laughed, as she happily accepted the piece Red had brought her.

"We don't get cake around here often," Red reminded her. Sitting back down in the seat beside her she took a small bite from her fork and savoured the sweetness that engulfed her. She hadn't had such a treat in awhile and this was delicious.

"I think this is better than mine," Red admitted, as she took another bite. "It's going to be hard to equal all of this when it's your day."

"Except you won't have to sneak around the way I had to," Gloria replied. She brushed some crumbs from her mouth with the back of her hand and then smiled. "I'm not going to show up for work when it's my birthday, so at least you'll have the kitchen all to yourself that day."

"Sounds like a plan," Red said in amusement as she took another bite of cake. She felt a warmth inside of her that she hadn't woken up with, and though she was in prison, this had turned out to be one of the best days she could remember. She was happy to have been with Nicky and her boys, even Anna had been a familiar face she didn't mind in small doses. And now it was peaceful and felt like near perfection to sit quietly with Gloria, eat some good food, and just celebrate that her life wasn't yet over. She had a couple more years to serve with the grace she had mostly maintained thus far, and then she would be back to a life on the outside that was waiting for her to take back. Red was happy.


	6. Chapter 6

Gloria Mendoza lay bent across the gleaming countertop of the kitchen, her eyes squinted in concentration as she read instructions in an ancient math textbook that she had found in the library. Opened up to the beginning of the chapter on Fractions, Gloria finished looking over the examples before deciding to try a problem herself.

She reached into the pocket of her apron and pulled out a box of smarties she'd bought off commissary. Now instead of a midday treat they'd become counters for her own self-imposed homework. She divided the candies into groups based upon colour and then picked up the pencil and the pad of paper she'd been scribbling on.

"Alright, Miss. Mendoza," she murmured to herself. "What percentage of the smarties are purple? Ummmmmm…." she pondered, biting down on her tongue as she gazed down at the counter.

"What are you doing?" a thick Russian accent asked from behind her. Gloria hadn't heard anybody else come in. Breakfast was done being served and the place was cleaned up to Red's exact specifications. The rest of the kitchen staff had left to do whatever they wanted until lunch and Gloria was taking advantage of having a little space to herself, not that she was currently enjoying herself.

"Fractions," Gloria replied, not bothering to turn around or lift her gaze from the problem staring her in the face. She sighed loudly, looking between the book and the smarties before shaking her head. "I need a drink of water," she announced, well aware of Red's eyes still following her. She didn't bother asking what Red was doing back so early after saying she was headed out to work in the garden until lunch.

"Care to explain?" Red asked, walking closer to the counter to look down at the old school textbook somebody had donated to the prison to replenish the library after their bed bug infestation.

"Does it look like I know what I'm doing?" Gloria asked her incredulously, motioning to the still blank pad of paper. She took a long swing of water from her cup and then wiped the dampness from her lips.

"I meant why you're doing this in the first place," Red clarified. "You hardly seem like you're enjoying yourself and if you're finally getting into books, I've got plenty more entertaining than a dated old math textbook. You want to borrow one?"

Gloria rolled her eyes but was unable to displace the small smile that appeared on her face. "I'm re-teaching myself Fractions so that I can help Benny with his homework when he visits next Saturday," she explained. She shot the book a dirty look. "Or I'm trying to anyway," she sighed. "I don't remember anything I learned in school."

"Well, they're always changing around curriculum," Red sympathized, thumbing through the pages. "Although I'm a little surprised they're only covering this now. I always considered American schools to be behind what we were learning at his age in Russia, but this is quite..."

"Easy, woman," Gloria interrupted her. "If it will make you less critical of American schools, Benny's actually only working on fifth grade math. He's a lazy student, although not having a mother at home to keep him on top of his homework might have something to do with that."

"Understandable," Red murmured softly. "Well, if it will make you feel any better Vasily had difficulty with mathematics too and I sat up with him every evening after supper going through the problems with him and it was all I could do to keep from whacking the textbook into his thick skull. He takes after his father, I suppose, Yuri and Maxim were natural students," she rolled her eyes at the memory, while Gloria giggled.

"Anyway, I used to tell him it didn't matter how quick he learned so long as he never stopped," she continued. "He caught on eventually. Benny will too."

"Yeah," Gloria sighed. "Julio's a good student. He'd help his brother if he'd let him help, but Benny has no interest."

"How do you get him to focus with you then?" Red asked.

"Threats, mainly," Gloria laughed.

"Spoken like a true mother," Red replied, returning the smile.

"Okay, please tell me that you have something more edible to feed me instead of more of that lumpy porridge you handed out at breakfast!" Nicky said loudly, stomping into the kitchen in her heavy work boots. "Because I've got some sort of a test to take today and I need some brain food...ooh smarties!" she exclaimed in delight, plucking a cheerful yellow one from one of Gloria's piles.

"Red, doing something about her," Gloria said, crossing her arms disapprovingly across her chest as she glared at Nicky. "She's eating my homework!"

"Homework?" Nicky questioned, turning back around the stare down at the math textbook lying open faced on the counter. "Are you studying for the test for the new job, Gloria? I thought the two of you were starting to enjoy working together. You certainly seem joined at the hip enough lately. I have a feeling Norma is starting to feel a little neglected, Ma."

"What new job?" Red asked, choosing to ignore everything else Nicky had said, though a slight flush had pinkened her cheeks.

"You haven't heard?" Nicky said in surprise. "They're hiring people to do some mysterious job that we have to take a test for. Everyone is applying. It pays one dollar an hour."

"A test?" Gloria questioned.

"Yeah," Nicky nodded. "I don't know if it's on math though. But I figured I'd check it out anyway. Get out of work for the day."

"Sounds good to me," Red replied. "Anything that will get you transferred away from Electrical would be alright by me. But Gloria's not applying," she added confidently. She snuck a glance at Gloria from beneath her lashes. "Are you?"

"No," Gloria shook her head. "I think we've got a pretty good thing going on here. Besides, if I left you'd probably miss me."

"Probably," Nicky teased. She tapped her finger against the book again. "So, if you're not trying to study for the test, why are you torturing yourself?"

"Funny thing," Gloria said dryly. "You know when kids are mouthy and like to ask their teacher what the point of learning something is? Well I was that kid, and apparently the answer is to have some kids and send them to school. That's karma, well played."

"It's not that hard," Nicky told her. Flipping through the pages some more. "You want to find a percentage? Count up the colour you want and put it over the total number of smarties. Then we can break it down."

"Come again?" Gloria blinked.

"You want me to show you?" Nicky offered, as she casually popped another smartie into her mouth. "I've got nothing else to do. Lorna's busy cutting out magazine clippings for her vision board what-not, and that's an activity I generally want to avoid."

"Keep swiping them and there won't be anything to work with," Gloria complained, walking closer and effectively blocking Nicky's hand as she tried to reach for another.

"Show me how to do this and if you do a good job, I'll share," she promised.

"I can have half?" Nicky asked, her eyes lighting up happily at the offer.

"Except the purple ones," Gloria replied. "They're my favourite."

"Alright, deal," Nicky shrugged, reaching for the pencil. "I used to sleep through math class nearly every day, although fortunately for you, buying drugs and measuring price against the quantity requires some level of mathematical skill that I acquired later in life."

"I don't want to hear that kind of talk, Nicky," Red scolded, brushing her hand lightly against the back of Nicky's head in disapproval.

"Sorry, Ma," Nicky chuckled, rubbing the back of her head where she'd been smacked. "Just trying to look for the silver lining from my sordid past."

"Help me get Benny through math this semester and I think you've found it," Gloria murmured, bending back down eagerly over the textbook just as the familiar crackle from the intercom filled the air and they all paused.

"Reznikov, report to Counsellor Healy's office," came the page.

"Healy?" Gloria said in surprise, turning back around to give Red a sly smile. "You sure see an awful lot of him. Is there an angle in this place you're not playing?"

"Watch and learn, Gloria," Nicky rolled her eyes. "I've learned not to ask-some things are better left unsaid. Although, personally, I'm not too concerned about Healy these days."

"And why is that?" Gloria asked vaguely.

"Oh, I don't know," Nicky said playfully, sneaking a glance over at Red. "Different reasons I suppose."

"I don't know what this could be about," Red said, pursing her lips as she took a step back towards the exit.

"Well, let us know once you're done," Nicky replied. "We'll still be here...something tells me this lesson might take awhile."

XXX

"You wanted to see me?" Red asked, letting herself into Healy's office after rapping on the door twice with her fist.

Healy nodded, beckoning her closer with his hand. "Have a seat," he mouthed to her. The phone was pressed to his ear and he was frowning at whatever the speaker on the other end was saying. Red slowly shut the door behind her and then walked over to take the chair she had occupied so many times before. Red folded her hands in her lap and looked down to examine the polish on her fingernails while she waited for Healy to finish his conversation. Two of her nails were chipped and in need of another coat.

"Yuri, I'm going to hand the phone over to your mom now," Healy said gently, and Red's head jerked up immediately at the mention of her son's name. An icy chill crawled down her spine and goosebumps prickled on her arms. She blinked across the desk at Healy in confusion, as he shook his head in answer to the unspoken question that died on her parted lips before it could be asked.

"Talk to him," Healy said quietly, by way of explanation. Red hesitated before accepting the receiver to the telephone that Healy was holding out for her to take. She couldn't fathom a scenario where Healy conversing with her son would make sense. They were both real to her but neither existed to the other. They were from different realms that made up her life. It didn't seem like anything positive could come from those two worlds colliding. In fact, she was already pretty convinced that something was very wrong for this to be happening.

"Hello," Red said softly into the phone, taking a deep breath as she adjusted it against her ear. "Yuri? Is everything okay, honey?"

"Mama," Yuri breathed into the phone, his voice shaky and weak. The sort of tone that would concern any mother. Red straightened her back as she stiffened in her chair, pressing the receiver even tighter to her ear as though that could invoke more closeness between herself and her boy.

"What's wrong?" Red asked him urgently. "Where are you?" Her free hand whipped up, grabbing a fistful of fiery hair and tugging anxiously. She didn't even notice as Healy wheeled his chair around the side of the desk until he was seated beside her.

"I'm at the hospital, Ma," Yuri replied faintly. "I've been here all night. But I had to wait until office hours-it took forever for me to get through, to find someone who would let me to talk to you. I've been trying to reach you for hours."

"Why are you at the hospital?" Red asked worriedly. "Are you hurt? Are you sick? Is it your brothers? Are they okay? Or the kids? Did something-"

"Ma, Ma, stop," Yuri interrupted her, and Red immediately fell silent. "It's Papa."

"Papa?" Red said, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Is it his Colitis again? Because I don't know how many times I have to tell him that he can't eat anything with-"

"Ma!" Yuri exclaimed, his voice strengthening at his unmistakable exasperation at her. "Do you want to stop for two seconds and let me explain?"

Red blinked at her son's tone but didn't contradict him. "Okay," she said curtly. Her toes curled inside her crocks as she waited for him to continue. Her chest was heaving and her rambling had only been attempting to distract from the feeling that she had a pile of bricks in her stomach.

"Tell me what's happened, honey," she said, forcing herself to sound calm.

"Pop," Yuri said, sniffling as Red bit down on her bottom lip so she wouldn't be tempted to speak. She looked up and caught Healy's eye, noticing for the first time the closeness between him. He had moved closer to be by her side, to inevitably support her from the devastating blow she was apparently about to be dealt.

"We were all out to dinner last night," Yuri said heavily. "At one of our favourite restaurants. He seemed fine. Maybe a little more uncomfortable than was typical but we didn't think anything of it. He was holding Alexei and then he asked Ivanna if she wanted to share a sundae with him for dessert."

Red's foot tapped against the floor in urgency. She rolled her eyes at her son's rambling, needing him to cut to the chase and stop prolonging this awful suspense. Yet even in this moment she felt a rise of bitterness in her throat at the image of Dmitri sharing ice cream with their granddaughter while she was forced to consume prison slop to no end. Perhaps he'd choked on the cherry and needed surgery to remove it. Red's hand released her hair and slid down her face and back to her lap.

"He got up to use the bathroom before we left and we were all still at the table when we heard someone screaming," Yuri continued, and from the way his voice cracked Red could tell he was crying.

"He'd collapsed, a waitress was saying he was having a heart attack but that wasn't it," Yuri said helplessly. "They called an ambulance and we were all on the ground with him. He was unconscious. They brought him to the hospital."

"Has he woken up yet?" Red asked desperately, knowing this story wasn't over but suddenly in no hurry to hear the ending. "Can I talk to him? Ask him if he wants to-"

"Galina-" Healy said, breaking his silence as he reached up a hand and rested it on her shoulder.

"No, Ma, you can't talk to him," Yuri exclaimed, sounding angrier than he wanted to. "He's still unconscious. He has a giant tube shoved down his throat and is being kept alive by machines. He's not going to wake up."

"What?" Red whispered as all the remaining colour drained from her face. "Yuri, no... you must be mistaken. Have you spoken to the doctor directly?"

She couldn't comprehend something being seriously wrong with her now ex-husband. Dmitri had always been claiming to be affected by one affliction or another. He'd dramatize being sick, take time off work when she knew she'd have powered through in the same condition. She'd never paid much attention to his steady relentless complaining of his various ailments. He'd always exaggerated, in her opinion. Despite being braced for the worse sort of news when Healy had passed her the phone, Red was suddenly unable to accept it.

"Of course, I have Ma," Yuri snapped. "What do you think? That I want this to be true. The doctor told us to take our time saying goodbye and let him know when we were ready to pull the plug. That's it, that's all! There's no hope."

"Oh, baby," Red choked out. Her blue eyes, pooling with unshed tears looked up at Healy as though begging him to contradict what her son was saying, but Healy only squeezed her shoulder more tightly and said nothing. He had heard it all before she had come in. When Yuri's call had been transferred to him, the boy desperate to plead his case to anyone who might let him speak to his mother.

"What do I do, Ma?" Yuri asked helplessly.

"Well, there's nothing that you can do," Red replied, swallowing a lump of bile in her throat and trying to remain calm. She needed to be composed and strong for her son right now. It was why he had called her.

"What exactly happened to him?" She asked, trying to understand the full picture. "You said not a heart attack?"

"It was a stomach aneurysm," Yuri explained sadly.

"Are your brothers there?" Red asked softly.

"Yeah, they're right here," Yuri replied. "Anna and Lida, they took the kids home and we came straight to the hospital to be with Pop."

"I wish I was there with you," Red said heavily. She'd give anything to be with her children right now. To hold their hands and support them as they said goodbye to their father. It was what a mother was supposed to do, and what she had been unable to do for them all these years.

"So, do I, Ma," Yuri sniffled. "You have no idea how much I could use you right now."

"I'm sorry," Red whispered, feeling every bit of guilt that she deserved. This was another failing. Perhaps her worst transgression yet. She couldn't be with her sons while their father died.

"Being sorry doesn't change a thing," Yuri told her coolly. "It doesn't make up for you going to prison and not being here. You even divorced him-which means you can't even be the one to authorize pulling the plug. I'm the one who has to do that instead. You couldn't even spare me that, Ma."

"Yuri," Red said pleadingly. "You can't-I didn't know…"

"You didn't know he was going to die?" Yuri asked in a shaky voice. "None of us knew. All I know is that now I have to sign the authorization to my father's death while my mother sits in prison and wastes even more time. That's what I'm sorry about, Ma. And I didn't ask for any of it."

"Do your brothers..." Red sniffled. "Do they want to speak with me before…"

"No," Yuri told her shortly. "They told me before I called you that they didn't want to talk. I only thought you should know before it happened."

"Thank you for telling me," Red told him, as a single tear escaped from her eye and trickled down her cheek. "I don't even know what to say…"

"There's nothing you can say," Yuri replied. He took a deep breath and then exhaled heavily, the air vibrating against the phone and into his mother's ear. "I'm going to go now, okay? I want to go back in the room to be with Papa."

"Yes," Red agreed. "Okay, darling. I'll call you tonight. Is that okay?"

"Sure," Yuri replied. "But don't be upset if I can't answer. We'll talk some other time."

"Alright," said Red. "I love you, Yuri. Tell your brothers that I love them."

"Goodnight, Ma," came the reply. In a second there was a click on the line, telling her that her son had disconnected the call.

Red leaned forward in her chair to replace the telephone back in its cradle, effectively pulling away from Healy's hand as she did. His fingers slipped off the fabric of her white chef's jacket, where he had lain them in a bid to comfort her, which she neither desired nor would allow right now.

"My son told you?" she asked quietly.

"Yes," Healy confirmed. "He was desperate to convince me to let him speak to you. He didn't know-that of course I would have."

"I think talking to me only made him feel worse," Red said hoarsely. She was sitting on the edge of the seat, as far away from him as she could be. Her eyes were averted down to the ground as she slid her foot back and forth across the carpet.

"I don't think you said anything wrong," Healy told her sincerely.

"It's not what I say," Red scoffed. "It's what I've done, all the ways that I've hurt and broken my family. All these years I can't give back to them."

Healy gazed at her, while Red stared determinedly at the floor. He had never heard her sound quite so unforgiving of herself or desperate. The shock of Dmitri's predicament seemed to be drawing her out, the woman with a life and a family beyond Litchfield. She so often seemed at home on the inside, with the family, friends, and past times that she'd built to fulfill her. She was comfortable in here-sometimes as her counsellor and friend Healy worried she was a little too at ease here, and too far removed from the Galina Reznikov that existed in the real world. But right now, he could see her clearly. The Galina who had three sons she was yearning to be with, and whatever the complications that had led to the demise of her and her husband's marriage, he could see the grief painted across her face.

"Dmitri isn't suffering," he offered, knowing there were no words that could make this situation better but hoping that at least could relieve some strain. "And your sons, they have each other. I'm sorry you can't be there to say goodbye…"

"That's not what's bothering me," Red bristled at the implication of what he said. "I'm his ex-wife, I don't need to say goodbye to him." She brought her index finger up to her mouth, tracing the outline of her lips as she recalled the last time she had seen her husband, the very last time they had spoken. It had ended so badly, she'd been so angry-and rightly so, she had reckoned at the time. However, now it all seemed so shallow and reckless on her part. Now he was going to die thinking that she hated him.

"I don't hate him," she spoke aloud, wanting Healy to hear because she couldn't say the words to Dmitri himself. It wasn't a profession of love for the man she had been with since her early twenties, but it was as much as her pride would allow.

"I know you don't," Healy replied calmly. "Dmitri knows that too."

"I don't see how," Red said bitterly. "I've hardly left him room for doubt."

"He knows," Healy repeated firmly. He watched as she sighed, falling back into the chair and weakening. He reached across her for the phone on the desk and pushed it closer to the edge.

"Why don't you call them back?' he suggested. "Maybe Yuri would hold the phone to his ear? Maybe Dmitri can hear. I'll leave the room, you can be alone-"

"I'm not doing that!" Red exclaimed, before pushing the phone roughly away with her hand. Healy watched her closely, as Red seemed to choke on a sob as her eyes glanced up to fall on the clock that hung on the wall.

"I wonder how much time is left," she said tiredly. "My son has to make that decision. What an awful burden to give to your child." She hiccupped again, a lump building in her throat as more tears sprang to life and the depths of her sorrows seemed to be invoked.

"Galina, I'm so sorry," Healy said gently, and he tried once again to offer her the hand she had shrugged off before.

"Don't," Red almost cried. She stood up quickly, the chair leg rocking up in her urgency to pull away from him.

"I didn't mean anything by…" Healy's voice trailed off, at once sensing his mistake.

"That's not it," Red shook her head. "I can't be there for my sons and that's my fault. My errors and it's unforgivable. I don't deserve any sympathy for that."

"I think you've been punished enough," Healy replied. "You're being too hard on yourself-"

"You don't know me," Red stammered out. The back of her hand reached up to brush off the few stray tears that had escaped from her eyes and then she was turning away, leaving. Healy let her go while his mind whirled to contradict her words. He knew her well. They'd known one another for several years, their acknowledged special relationship surpassing the confines of this prison and the information in her file about the crimes she'd been charged with. Healy knew who she was, so he should have known better then to suppose she would respond to such a situation anyway different. He just wished she'd have let him be there for her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to those who reviewed. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

Red knew that Healy had only been trying to be nice, but his kindness and compassion for her had only been making everything harder. She walked briskly, keeping her head down and her eyes averted until she reached the entry of her dorm and saw, to her immense relief, that it was vacant. Red needed to be alone right now. She needed to at least to attempt to beat down the swirling thoughts in her brain and she needed the opportunity to hate on herself right now in private. She might not be the best at expressing remorse apologetically to others, but internally, she was often brewing a volcano of shame. Especially after what had just transpired.

There was nothing she could consider worse than being a disappointment and failure to her family. Her sons, those three little lives she had grown, nurtured, and ultimately broken the hearts of were suffering right now and there was nothing she could do to ease their pain. Their father was going to die very soon, their mother was in prison, and they were just trying to survive and raise families of their own when they'd been given almost no guidance of any benefit. She hated what was happening to them and how she had let them down again.

As she entered her cube, Red sat down on the hard-plastic chair and leaned forward to begin working her combination lock with mindless fingers. After all these years inside this prison, Red didn't need to think about the numbers that unlocked the little safe that held all her most valuable possessions. Her hands rummaged through stacks of cards, papers, and photographs with an urgency that her brain didn't understand yet. She didn't know what she was searching for or why, except perhaps she was trying to keep busy with something just to keep from falling apart. Her face looked so hard and cold that it could have been etched from stone, but her quivering lips and the glint in her eye would fool nobody. She was glad that she was alone.

Red's lined hand brushed over the certificate of her divorce from Dmitri which her lawyer had mailed to her once everything had been finalized. _"Her most prized possession",_ she had declared it not long ago. Now all she could do was scratch her fingernails over the print of her ex-husband's name. This paper hadn't been the ruin of them, they had been distant in proximity and emotion for many long lonely years. She'd lost him a long time ago, perhaps she had never even had him. Their marriage had begun as little more than an arrangement and ultimately it had never really grown from that. She'd never thought it would end quite this badly though, with no closure or reconciliation. It was just over.

Red found a stack of old photographs that she had tucked away in the back. Some of them were shiny and unbent, mainly shots of her grandchildren and a few from Yuri and Anna's wedding. Some were frayed and creased-the result of being stored for years inside an old prison locker instead of an album. They were the ones that had either been brought in by herself or sent by Dmitri shortly after her arrival. There were several candids of Red's three sons at different stages of their lives.

As a new inmate, Red had spent hours pouring over them as if she'd never have a chance to see them again. She'd stare at them intently, memorizing every feature of her beautiful boys like she used to do when she was home and would go into their bedroom and watch them sleep. She'd run her finger over Vasily's dark hair, glossy in print, down Maxim's cherub cheeks that, to his dismay, he had never outgrown, and tap a fingernail against the collar of Yuri's shirt and wonder why she hadn't fixed it for him before taking the picture that day. She'd missed them fiercely for so long, and still did of course. Except the sad reality of such a long imprisonment and separation from her children had meant she had gradually gotten used to it and adjusted to her new normal. They were used to her being gone too, she knew, and didn't agonize over it much anymore. Except at times like today, when they were suffering beyond words and knew having her close would have made a difference. That's when she was forced to face her failures as a mother.

Swallowing a lump in her throat, Red closed the door to her safe and then slowly got up from her chair and moved over to sit down on the edge of her cot. Bringing one hand up to run down her face in an almost comforting motion, Red reached down her torso until she gripped the earpiece of her glasses and set them on the bridge of her nose.

It had been awhile since she had flipped through these images. She had her family in here, her girls, and especially Nicky-always Nicky-to distract herself from her own thoughts whenever she'd been having a particularly hard day. Despite her sadness, Red's lips curved ever so slightly at the thought of her most special girl, who had only been in her life now for a couple of years but who occupied a place Red's heart right next to Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily.

As she silently looked through the images of her boys, Red couldn't help bemoaning the fact that she didn't have one of Nicky as a child to include with it. She'd never even seen a picture of what Nicky had looked like when she was small, although she could imagine it. Unruly curls and big brown eyes that always made her look both innocent and mischievous at the same time. Someday she'd have to get her hands on a shot of the real thing. For now, she'd have to be content with the present because, even when it didn't feel like it, it really had only been a short while since Nicky had become hers.

It was times like this that forced Red to remember the difference between Nicky and her sons that she usually forgot about or disregarded. That she'd only known Nicky for a couple of years and in a prison away from the lives they both had left behind and the people they were on the outside. It didn't usually matter anyway, the future they were looking ahead to was what was important. But it suddenly struck Red just how many sides of herself Nicky had never experienced before. Dmitri was nobody to Nicky, but he meant everything to Red's three sons. Red wanted to share and include Nicky in every part of the family now that she was hers, but there were some things she couldn't understand. Red couldn't open up to her about something she hadn't even begun to process herself.

As though she had sensed Red thinking about her, Nicky came walking through the quiet dorms with her boots thudding with every step. She paused in the entry of Red's cube and waited for Red to tear her eyes up from the photograph she was holding between two shaking hands and look at her.

"Hey, Ma," she greeted her cheerfully. She tried not to let her astonishment at the lost and broken look on her mother's face show. Red looked like she had aged ten years since leaving the kitchen that morning.

"Nicky," Red said weakly, "what are you-aren't you supposed to be working?"

"I have to go take that test in a few minutes," Nicky reminded her, as she sat herself comfortably down on the cot beside her mother. "Should be a cinch, compared to trying to help Gloria with basic math. I tell you, Ma, I earned every single one of those smarties she gave me."

She chuckled lightly as she raised her eyebrows expectantly for some form of response from her mother. Red was looking at her but with eyes that seemed unseeing and a million miles away. After a few moments of silence, Red seemed to finally become aware of the fact that Nicky was waiting for her to respond. Seeking some from of reassurance that all was well, or at least an explanation as to what the problem was.

"What?" Red blinked.

"You're not listening to me at all, are you?" Nicky complained, arching her back against the  
partial wall dividing the cubes. "I'm guessing Healy didn't just want your company for a cup of tea, huh?"

"Hmm," Red grumbled. She dropped the photograph down onto her lap and then scratched at an itch of the tip of her nose.

"What happened, Ma?" Nicky asked expectantly. "Talk to me."

"Not right now, Nicky," Red said testily. "Maybe you should just go do your test?"

"It's not until after lunch," Nicky reminded her. "And Gloria said she'd thought you'd be back by now to help prepare it-"

"I know, I know, you don't actually cook the food," she said quickly, holding her hand up before Red could speak.

"I'm taking lunch off," Red said dryly, her lips pursing at Nicky's jest.

"Okay," Nicky nodded, as she lifted both legs and rested her heels on the steel edge of Red's bed frame. "But why?"

"Nicky," Red sighed, reaching her hand up to grip at her short locks of hair.

"Mmm," she grumbled, not sure how to go about this or escape this unwanted conversation. She didn't want to share, to reflect more deeply upon something that was causing her such misery. She didn't want to invite sympathy for herself, even from someone she loved and trusted as much as Nicky, because she wanted to feel terrible and alone right now. She didn't think she deserved the chance to be a mother and receive love from Nicky, when she was prevented from being there for the sons who needed her because of her own mistakes all those years ago.

"What were you looking at just now, Ma?" Nicky asked, changing the subject as she perceptively sensed Red withdrawing deeper and deeper into herself. Nicky knew she wasn't going to get anywhere by asking Red what was wrong. She leaned her head over, resting her chin lightly on Red's shoulder as her eyes flashed down to the photograph Red had dropped face up onto her lap.

Red's head bowed down to look at the picture again herself. "Just the boys," she said, her tone slightly shaky as she held it out in offering for Nicky to inspect.

It was ironic, she now realized, how few of Dmitri and her together there were. Not because they didn't exist somewhere, probably tucked away in a photo album no one bothered to look at anymore. However, aside from a few family shots that included all five of them, there were none of him here. Red hadn't brought any to the prison when she'd surrendered and Dmitri hadn't bothered to send her ones of himself either. It was quite telling. Their long marriage had never invoked that sort of sentimentality in either of them, it seemed. Or maybe once upon a time it had, before they'd both just given up.

"You miss them?" Nicky guessed correctly, watching the way Red's eyelashes flickered spontaneously at the question. She herself didn't often pay too much mind to how difficult it must be for Red to be away from her children. Nicky wasn't a mother after all, and there was nobody in her own family or past friendships that evoked such strong emotion from herself. Nicky didn't even think there was anybody on the outside she would be inclined to look up once she got out of this place. For her, Red was everything. Galina Reznikov had singularly filled the void of everything that had always been lacking in Nicky's life before. It was a difficult acceptance that she alone could never be enough to fulfill Red in return. Red had three sons who mattered to her just as much as Nicky and being separated from them must be hell.

"Of course, I do," Red said softly, voice barely above a whisper. "Nicky, it's just-"

"This is at Coney Island, right?" Nicky verified, talking over Red before she could try and send her off somehow. She strongly sensed that there was something much deeper going on here and she didn't want to leave Red alone to handle it when they could be there together.

"My nanny took me there one time when I was eight," Nicky said as she deposited the photograph back onto the stack on Red's lap, "but I think it would have been more fun to go with all of you."

When she saw the corners of Red's mouth begin to tug threateningly at her words, a large grin lit up Nicky's face which could rival the ones of the three happy boys in the picture. Nicky knew that she had been born into a life of privilege that Red's sons would never have known. Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily had grown up all sharing one small room, while Nicky's large bedroom had included a walk-in closet and ensuite. And yet, despite her own luxuries, Nicky couldn't help but envy the simple upbringing they had experienced. She'd doubted they'd have ever been lonely, like she had so often been. Nicky would have loved to have siblings and she could only imagine how much happier she would have been if Red had always been her mom. Instead of live-in hired help to make her school lunches and read her bedtime stories, she'd have been lavished with attention from a woman who cherished her. What a difference it would have made if she had had a safe person to go to for some kind words, affection, and a little guidance when it was needed. Nicky probably would have been on a very different path right now if that had been the case.

"I took them there every summer, the weekend in August before school resumed," Red told her softly. "They loved it. We'd go on rides at the midway all day and then walk along the boardwalk, and I'd let them eat junk food from the concession stands."

"Nice," Nicky chuckled. "I can imagine the look on your face while you paid for corn dogs and snow cones for them. Did their Dad go too?"

"Dmitri?" Red's voice cracked, as Nicky's innocent question jolted her back to the reality of the current situation. A chill crawled up her spine and she felt her lips quiver. She shook her head.

"No," she croaked. "No, he didn't."

"Not his thing?" Nicky asked curiously, her forehead creasing in concern as she regarded her mother.

"Not really," Red cleared her throat. "He came once. I believe Vasily was still a baby, if I'm remembering correctly. Anyway, it didn't go well so after that I just took the boys myself."

"Probably had a better time without him though," Nicky said logically.

"Well, yes," Red scoffed. "Sadly, that's true."

"I remember how I used to wish Marka was there until she'd show up and then I'd realize I had more fun without her," Nicky confessed. "I was pretty attached to my first nanny until she quit or got fired, around the time I began kindergarten. After that it was just a steady flow of new faces showing up in the kitchen to make me pancakes in the morning."

"I'm sorry, honey," Red said with a heavy sigh. She leaned back until she was also resting against the partial wall with Nicky. "I don't understand how a parent can be that way…"

"Well, that's because you're a good mother," Nicky replied. She turned her head to kiss Red's shoulder through her shirt.

"I tried…" Red said quietly. "I guess that's why my boys were always more attached to me than their father. He was a bit like your mother, I guess, he didn't spend very much time with his children, early on at least. Once I got...once I came here, he got much more involved. And the boys, they loved their father very much."

"Loved?" Nicky repeated. "Past tense?"

"He died," Red said bluntly, "Or he will be soon. I don't know if they have turned off his life support yet, only that they were going to."

She brought her hand up to cover her quivering lips and her eyes widened at the shock at having spoken the words out loud. They sounded foreign on her tongue and left a bad taste in her mouth. This all felt like a horrible dream she would soon wake up from. It didn't seem real that such things could be happening when she sat inside this prison's plain monotonous walls cut off from everything. It was a harsh wake up that the world she had left would not be the world she would be released to in a couple years. Nothing would be the same again, and the partner Red had shared her life with since she was a young woman was gone forever.

"Oh, mom," Nicky said, looking stunned at this revelation. She placed her hand on Red's arm and squeezed her tightly. "Why didn't you tell me this right away? Are you okay?"

"Oh, I'm fine," Red said, far too quickly to be believable.

"No, you're not," Nicky argued her. "Do you want me to get you anything?"

Red shook her head as she began rubbing her throat compulsively, making it difficult for Nicky to maintain the hold she had on her arm. Slowly, Nicky released her hand and settled for moving closer to Red on the cot. Nicky wasn't sure what she was supposed to say or do. Red wasn't an easy person to comfort. If Nicky asked her what she wanted, she would probably just say to be alone and that wasn't about to happen. So, Nicky didn't say anything. She just sat there silently while their thighs and shoulders touched and Red pursed her lips uneasily.

"Maybe you should call the boys," Nicky suggested after a few more minutes. "If I was them, I'd want to talk to you."

"Well, they don't," Red said stiffly. "I already spoke to Yuri and he could hardly wait to get me off the phone. And Vasily and Maxim-they didn't even speak to me."

"Okay, well maybe they need some time," Nicky conceded quietly, not wishing to rile Red up about a sensitive subject. "Just promise me you'll check in with them tomorrow? And in the meantime, we can-"

"I think I'll go to work," Red interrupted, shifting closer to the edge of the cot again. "I shouldn't just be sitting here while Gloria and the others are left to do everything."

"I think Gloria can handle it," Nicky exhaled deeply. "And I think you need to just sit here and just chill out a little more. Your husband just-"

"Ex-husband," Red corrected.

"He's been your ex for about two and a half minutes," Nicky rolled her eyes. "You two were married for most of your life."

"And then I got sent to prison," Red snapped. "So, I don't see a sense in sitting around mourning for a man who played a strong hand in basically everything bad that has happened to me."

"Alright," Nicky conceded, holding her hands up in surrender. She sat up straighter and watched through her big brown eyes as Red sprung up from the bed like she had suddenly been jolted by a great burst of energy.

"If you're going to the kitchen, will you tell Gloria to make sure I get a yogurt, or an extra bag of crackers, or something edible with lunch?" she asked, while Red ran a brush through her hair and then checked her makeup in the mirror she kept by her locker.

Red barely formulate a response before she left the cube in a flurry, as though there was nothing else occupying her thoughts. Nicky supposed she must be the sort of person who just needs to stay busy and distracted when going through something devastating like a death in the family. She refused to accept that Red felt nothing for the man she had once married and then built a family with.

Nicky slumped back against the wall and glanced around Red's space lazily. She was in no hurry to go anywhere, although lunch would be served soon and her friends would come looking for her. She needed a moment before that happened, perhaps she was taking it because Red wouldn't. Nicky could feel a knot welling in her stomach and a pang of grief that didn't really make sense. She had only caught fleeting glimpses of Red's husband through the visitation window before he'd stopped coming and the way his wife had described him had never been remotely flattering. However, Nicky was interested in him; the family patriarch, and someone she knew Yuri, Maxim, Vasily, and even Red, cared deeply about. Through them, Nicky felt like she was also somehow connected to Dmitri and she was sorry that he had died.

Reaching for the stack of photographs Red had set on her locker before departing, Nicky settled herself more comfortably on the cot and crossed her legs. Looking through Red's private pictures did not seem at all like an intrusion, as it might have been if it had been anybody else. For Nicky, it held the intrigue of a teenage girl coming across her mother's high school yearbooks and realizing that she had once been in her shoes. Nicky wanted to know and understand Red better. She studied each picture carefully, noting the expressions on their faces, the background, and how they seemed to all relate to one another. Nicky saw a happy family, and even though she knew their marriage had been far from perfect, Nicky thought the smile on Red's face, as she looked at her husband over the heads of the three boys standing between them, was sincere. Red would probably have denied it if she was shown that photo right now, but without doubt Nicky knew that Red grieved this life and subsequently would mourn for the man she had shared it with. She just hoped it was something Red would one day admit on her own.


	8. Chapter 8

Gloria smirked at the scowl on her friend's face as she watched Aleida deal the cards around the table. Gloria waited until she had all five of her cards placed before her before she picked them up, fanning them out in front of her. She raised a singular eyebrow, her calm face revealing absolutely nothing about her hand to the annoyance of the other women. Gloria's stellar poker face was one of the things that made her so good at cards. She'd certainly played enough hands to improve her skills over the years inside, since there wasn't much else to do. It was never very thrilling, but it provided a necessary distraction and sometimes could even be fun. Especially when she was beating Aleida.

"Who's winning?" Aleida asked sharply, glaring over at her daughter, who was absent-mindedly doodling in the margins of the lined paper she'd been using to keep score on. Dayanara rarely got to do much more that that when they played because Aleida wouldn't let her. Her own competition with her daughter invoked her to keep Daya in her place as much as she could. Sometimes Gloria would intervene on her behalf since she never really had any qualms about overstepping boundaries and mothering Aleida's daughter for her, but lately she'd been too distracted to really care.

"Gloria," Daya muttered, not looking up from the sketch she was doing.

"Figures," Aleida scoffed. Leaning across the table, she flicked the top of Gloria's fanned out hand of cards to get her attention. "You wearing your lucky panties tonight or something?"

"Lucky panties? Please," Gloria rolled her eyes. "My panties haven't been lucky since I got thrown into this hell hole."

"Are you hoping to change that, Gloria?" a gruff voice teased. Gloria looked up and caught the eye of Nicky as she walked past the table with a group of her friends. Nicky winked playfully at her before hurrying ahead to snag one of the few unoccupied seats in front of the television. Norma, Gina, and Sister Ingalls were already watching.

Gloria turned her head to regard them all sitting peaceably together with seemingly no concern for a person noticeably absent from their group. Or maybe it was only noticeable to Gloria because she'd been paying such attention to her lately. After all, it wasn't uncommon for Red to enjoy time alone to read, or garden, or just have a little time to herself. However, the woman had been uncharacteristically quiet and extremely reclusive since she'd learned of her husband's passing.

Even Nicky hadn't been successful at getting Red to smile or at least talk about what was going on. It shouldn't have worried Gloria as much as it did. If anything, she should be enjoying a break from the steady drama that had been a near constant since Red had started back in the kitchen. But to her surprise, Gloria had actually been missing it. She'd come to enjoy their steady banter and unlikely friendship as they worked side by side, yet Red hadn't even spoken to her in over a week, besides to curtly inform her that their visitation for last Saturday had been cancelled.

Obviously, Gloria understood the circumstances and had only sympathy for the Reznikov family, but it had been a crushing blow for her anyway. She had really begun to rely on the consistent contact with her sons to begin healing their strained relationship. There was still a lot of work to be done but there were times she could tell that Julio and Benny were happy to be with her and wished there could be more time. Gloria felt the same way. She began counting the minutes until their next visit as soon as she had to watch their retreating backs leaving and not being able to see their precious faces when she expected to was heartbreaking.

No amount of begging had been enough to persuade Lourdes to drive them all the way up to the prison herself when Gloria had dared to ask. She hadn't actually expected her aunt to say yes but felt she needed to try. Julio and Benny weren't very understanding about the extenuating circumstances that prevented them being able to see their mother. They tried to pretend like they didn't care but their refusal to speak to her on the phone had only confirmed to Gloria that they were disappointed.

The next time Gloria had called home had been much of the same. Benny had been out and Lourdes didn't know when he'd be back, and Julio had claimed he was too busy with homework to talk. That had ignited Lourdes to inform Gloria that Benny had failed another test that week, which meant he'd likely be forced to repeat the grade. That revelation had made Gloria feel even worse than ever. She'd been studying math right along with him and had hoped to help him make an acceptable grade, but that did them no good if they didn't even get to see each other.

"Your turn," Aleida barked, awakening Gloria from her daydream. She quickly turned away from Nicky and the others and looked back down at her cards. Her lips twisted as she tried to focus on which one to pay, but seeing Nicky had made her think of Red and now she could barely concentrate. Sighing, Gloria leaned back in her chair and nudged Daya with her elbow.

"Take my spot," Gloria instructed, as she handed off her hand of cards to Daya. Her chair legs made a scraping sound as she moved back from the table.

"Where are you going?" Aleida demanded.

"Kitchen," Gloria replied, standing up and brushing her hands against the thighs of her pants. "I can't remember if we turned the ovens off tonight or not."

"You're not running the place anymore," Aleida reminded her, as she laid the four of clubs down in the discard pile and picked up from the deck. "Let that Russia woman worry about it from now on."

"Yeah, well, she seemed pretty distracted today," Gloria said absentmindedly. "And if something gets messed up you know the guards are going to be coming down on all of our asses. I'll see you later."

Without another word, Gloria turned to walk out of the room. She couldn't rationally explain why she had done what she did to anyone but it had felt like the right thing to do. Even though she didn't like to proclaim it, Gloria had been in Red's shoes before and understood what she had to be going through. It didn't make sense to grieve for somebody that had caused you a lot of pain, but that's exactly what Gloria had experienced when Lourdes had told her about her former boyfriend Arturo's passing. She knew Red had been estranged from her husband which surely complicated things, but in no way reprieved Red from mourning his loss. At least not in Gloria's opinion.

"You still here?" Gloria asked, walking through the dark kitchen and stopping in the door frame of Red's office. She pretended to be surprised to see her sitting there. A book was open spine up on the desk, but Gloria doubted that Red had made much progress on actually reading it. She'd been sitting slumped back in her chair and her glasses weren't on.

"Yes," Red replied stiffly, and Gloria could tell the woman was annoyed by her intrusion. A desire for solitude was what motivated Red to stay cooped up in her cramped office after hours, when she could have at least gone to lay down on her cot which had to be more comfortable. Unbothered by Red's unwelcomeness, Gloria stepped into the office and plopped down easily into the adjacent chair.

"I came to check the ovens," Gloria lied. "I couldn't remember if we'd turned them off so I figured I better be safe and make sure."

Red's eyes narrowed. "I always double check each one before I leave at night. You know that, you've seen me."

"I wouldn't blame you if you're mind was elsewhere these days," Gloria said bluntly, noting the way Red's eyes narrowed at the implication of her words. "At least for me, my concentration was pretty shot for a long time after my boyfriend died. I had to write myself notes or I'd forget things."

"Well, this isn't like that," Red said curtly. Her red polished fingernails were flicking at the cover of her book. "Dmitri hasn't been a part of my daily life in almost as long as I can remember, and I wasn't even on speaking terms with him in the end because of what he's done."

"Mmm," Gloria murmured. "I wasn't on speaking terms with Arturo either. I actually was in the process of leaving him and am thankful he's out of my life, but still...it hit me hard. Me _and_ my boys. It was complicated."

"Uh huh," Red said dryly. Her face was strangely blank and her eyebrows were raised as she looked down at her plucking fingers and seemed to be waiting for Gloria to give up this attempt at conversation and leave.

"How are your sons doing?" Gloria asked. She watched as the blank expression on Red's face gave way only for a split second to reveal a flash of hurt. Red's shoulders shrugged pityingly at the question but Gloria was not to be dissuaded. "Lourdes told me she took Julio and Benny over to Vasily's place the other day to drop off a meal, but only his wife was home and she seemed kind of frazzled."

Finally, Red looked interested. "What did Lida tell her?"

"I don't really know," Gloria shrugged. "Lourdes just said that she dropped off a dish she'd prepared for them. I guess it was the day after the funeral. She said the baby was cute but had spit up all over his mother's shirt the second before she'd opened the door."

"Alexei," Red spoke her grandson's name softly. She sighed. "From what I've heard, that darling boy is quite the handful. He must get it from his father."

"Well, surely it couldn't be from his grandmother," Gloria teased. "But I don't think they even stayed long. Lida had to go change her shirt and Lourdes said she could smell something burning in the kitchen."

"She's a mess," Red chuckled fondly. "She's a nice girl but I think she's been having a hard time since she had the baby. Vasily should help her out more, stop trying to channel his father who never was any use to me when my boys were small."

"Sounds pretty typical father behaviour to me, unfortunately," Gloria replied, arching her back against the chair as she stretched it out. "They get to play by different rules than us. You should tell your son off the next time you call home."

"I'll try to remember that on the off chance he actually picks up the phone," Red said thickly, her voice catching at the end. She rubbed her hand over her face and then pinched the bridge of her nose. Her eyes closed for a moment, causing Gloria to take note of the dark circles below her lashes. Red didn't look like she had gotten a decent night's sleep all week.

"I guess it's been pretty crazy for your family lately," Gloria said softly. It was obvious that Red had been feeling neglected or put out lately. For the first time, Gloria realized that Red had to have been even more disappointed about her kids cancelling visitation than she was. Missing out on much needed bonding time and the opportunity to help Benny study for a math test could not compare to being unable to hold and console your children after the death of their other parent. It didn't matter how old Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily were, it was only natural that Red would want to be there to support them through this loss. She was their mother and they needed her.

"My mother died when I was still pretty small but I remember Lourdes telling me about how overwhelming it was to sort out all of her affairs and organize the funeral in the following days," Gloria shared. "She said they gave her so much paperwork to work through she barely had time to grieve."

"It's very overwhelming," Red agreed, blinking rapidly as she opened her eyes and brushed her hand back through her hair. "My boys even had to sign the authorization to turn off their father's life support. I don't think they'll ever forgive me."

"Forgive you?" Gloria frowned. "How are you in any way remotely responsible for that?"

Red sniffled. "Because if I hadn't filed to divorce him then I would have still had the legal right to make that decision in their place."

"I think you're reaching a bit there," Gloria said honestly. "Most people wind up having to make difficult decisions for their parents at that point. At least for one parent. Look at it this way, even if you and Dmitri had remained married then one of you would have gone first. That would leave your sons in the same position they are in now. Besides that, they're adults and there are three of them. If Vasily said anything to make you feel bad then you should know that logically he was probably just upset in the moment. We say a lot of things we don't mean when we're upset."

"It was Yuri," Red replied softly, "the other two haven't even picked up their phones when I tried to call." She sniffled again and this time Gloria reached back to pass her the tissue box set on the shelf behind her.

"Thank you," Red murmured, pulling a tissue out and blowing her nose.

"How many times did you try?" Gloria asked.

"Once or twice," Red answered vaguely, tossing her Kleenex into the wastebasket beside the desk.

"That's it?" Gloria blinked. "In that case, I hardly think you should be jumping to conclusions. It could be a simple matter of them being unable to take the call when you phoned and it's not as if they can just redial you back, right? I doubt it's anything personal. They're just dealing with a lot right now."

"You have more faith than I do," Red sighed mournfully. She couldn't help feeling sorry for herself right now. Yuri's words about her essential abandonment brought on by her own poor choices had cut her hard. He wasn't wrong, and the part of her that wasn't currently being consumed with guilt for not being there with them was busy licking her emotional wounds and fretting about whether her biggest fear might be too. Despite how good a mother she believed she was bringing up her boys, maybe it really would be impossible to put the pieces back together when she was released. She didn't really belong in their world anymore and just because they visited the prison regularly did not necessarily mean that they would be prepared to offer her a prominent place in their lives on the outside. They'd been grieving her for much longer than they had been Dmitri.

Swallowing a lump in her throat, Red looked sideways at Gloria and regarded her carefully.

"Were you really worried about the ovens?" she asked bluntly, watching the way the corners of Gloria's lips twitched until they successfully tugged her lips into a small smile.

"Well, that's the story I'm going to stick with," Gloria replied with a chuckle. "At least if Aleida confronts me later to complain about me skipping out on our card game. But between you and me, I did want to check and see if you were alright."

"Oh?" Red raised her eyebrows. She wasn't really sure what to say to that. Subconsciously, her hand slid down to rub over her chest as she felt her heart flutter at an increased beat.

"I can leave if you want me to," Gloria continued. "But if you'd like a friend right now then I'd like to stay."

It was Red's turn to fight a smile and she was no more successful than Gloria. "Is that what we are?" she asked. "Are we friends?"

"I don't know what we are," Gloria admitted, propping her head up with her left hand as her legs bumped against the corner of the desk. Her eyes twinkled at the loaded question.

There was nothing very straightforward when it came to dealing with Galina Reznikov. She was complicated and difficult, she could go from hating you to considering you her family in what seemed to be the blink of an eye. Gloria supposed what they had developed really wasn't much more than an easygoing truce and good working relationship, but it would be impossible not to feel more for a woman who had essentially brought her sons back to her.

"Rivals?" Red guessed, her accent thickly. "Thorns in each others' sides?"

"Nah," Gloria shook her head. "You wouldn't offer to arrange for two of my kids to get free drives up here to see me if all I did was irritate you."

"Well, you gave me back the kitchen first," Red retorted. "So, I think you started this and I just was trying to meet you half-way-before I realized that this kitchen was going to be cursed by the likings of slop unfit for human consumption."

"Okay, for the record, we should both agree that I was doing myself a favour," Gloria held up her hand in emphasis. "You just got to reap the benefits. So, let's face it. You caved first."

"Jesus," Red scoffed. She rested her elbow on the desk and began mindlessly fiddling with the gold hoop she wore in her right ear. She looked slightly pink in the cheeks but also exceedingly more animated than she was when Gloria had first sat down.

"It was nice of your aunt and sons to stop by Vasily's house," she said softly. "I'm sure that my family will appreciate that."

"In my family, when someone dies the kitchen gets packed with enough food to feed an army," Gloria replied. "They might never have met your husband, but Julio and Benny have both become very fond of your sons. And even Lourdes said they have nice manners and she's pretty hard to please."

"That's good," Red replied. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair and continued to thumb at her earring as a comfortable silence fell between the two women. Neither seemed sure of how to proceed but they weren't ready to leave yet either.

"You're going to tug your earring right out if you keep doing that," Gloria said after a moment. Her right hand reached over to rest on Red's, halting its movement so that Red released her grip on the gold hoop. Instead of pulling immediately away, she turned her hand until its back was pressed on her jaw line and her palm rubbed against Gloria's. Red could feel the warmth radiating from Gloria's bronze skin and what felt like an electric jolt tingle through her fingertips and all the way through her arm.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Galina," Gloria whispered, speaking her given name for the first time. Nobody called her that, Gloria wasn't even sure when she had heard it. But it flowed off her tongue so naturally and was pleasing to her ear. It was a beautiful name.

Red cleared her throat before speaking. "He's not my loss," she said throatily, as Gloria linked her fingers and pulled Red's hand back down onto her lap. Red bowed her head to keep their joined hands progress in view. "He's the father of my children and not much more. It's _their_ loss."

"Well, then you should call them," Gloria told her knowingly. She craned her neck to look up at the clock hung on the kitchen wall above the stove. "You've got time now. What are you waiting for?"

"What if they don't answer?" Red asked, her blue eyes sparking with worry as she lifted her chin to look directly into Gloria's brown.

"Then you try tomorrow and don't waste precious sleeping time staying up all night coming up with paranoid concoctions in your head about how you think they hate you," Gloria replied. "Take it from my experience, when your grown kids don't like you, they make it pretty well known and not by visiting regularly and only ghosting after a major death in the family."

"How is that from your personal experience?" Red asked with a roll of her eyes, "your sons aren't grown". She didn't like her emotions being disregarded as dramatics from an overactive and slightly paranoid imagination, but she had to admit that Gloria was making her feel a little better about the situation with her sons.

"No, but I also have two older daughters," Gloria replied smoothly.

Red blinked in surprise. "I didn't know that…"

"That's because they've never visited and I'm not even entirely sure I have their current contact information," Gloria replied matter-of-factly. "They don't take my phone calls and we haven't spoken in years."

"Gloria," Red whispered, while she squeezed her hand more tightly.

"I'm used to it," Gloria replied. Her face had become as irritatingly unreadable as it was when she played cards with the other Latino women. "But in my opinion, I think you and your sons are okay."

Red nodded her head. "I should call them," she said, glancing back up at the clock. "There's still time."

"Come on," Gloria squeezed her hand once more before she released it. She could still feel the pressure from Red's palm as she pulled away and stood up from her chair. "It's on my way, so I'll walk with you."

XXX

Red had gotten the phone stationed closest to the window and dialed her youngest son's number with an urgency that had been growing within her the entire way down the hall. She hadn't spoken to Vasily at all since she'd heard the news and if she were being honest, he was the one she was worried the most about. He was the most sensitive and Red had always thought that out of his brothers, he had been the one to feel her absence the most strongly. He visited the most frequently and still confided in her when they talked, whereas the other two often only wanted to share tidbits from their lives.

The phone rang several times and Red was about to give up and place the receiver back in its cradle when she felt a click on the line as somebody answered. Red could feel her entire body tense up as she glanced quickly over at Gloria, who was standing with her back against the wall. She'd told Red she'd wait to see if someone was home, because if they weren't they could walk to Red's dorm together. Gloria felt pretty positive that Red would be feeling very rejected if her son didn't pick up, despite what she had told her mere minutes ago about how it shouldn't be take personally.

"Hello," a feminine voice answered.

"Lida?" Red breathed into the phone. It wasn't Vasily, but Red was just relieved to hear from somebody on the outside. She'd had no news in almost a week. Dmitri had died, and the funeral had come and gone without any input from her. She no longer was his wife, so technically they didn't need to include her, but it had still been very unnerving.

Red could hear the cries from a baby wailing in the background and the clang of dishes splashing into running water as she supposed Lida dumped a load into the sink before turning the tap off. Gloria raised her eyebrows at the commotion she could hear echoing out of the phone. Even from where she was standing, a couple of feet away.

"I'll see you later," she mouthed silently, giving Red an encouraging smile before turning to walk down the hall to her own dorm to retire for the night.

"I guess I called at a bad time," Red said, guiltily, as she tapped her nails anxiously against the receiver that she was holding to her ear. "I'm sorry, Lida-"

"What?" Lida spoked loudly. "Hang on a sec. Come here you…" The crying from her grandson got louder in the phone for a moment. There was some shuffling sounds and a thud that Red thought to be the sound of the phone dropping, before the crying stopped and Lida came back on.

"Okay," Lida exhaled loudly. "I think he's good. I got him latched on and that usually buys me at least fifteen minutes of nobody screaming at me. He's been fussing all day."

"Teething?" Red asked.

"Maybe?" Lida answered uncertainly. "I don't know. His gums don't seem any different to me that usual and he isn't sick. Just seems mad and I'm running out of ideas. I don't know what I'm doing wrong…"

"All babies have fussy days," Red told her reassuringly. "From what Vasily tells me, it sounds like you're doing great. I know it's not easy…"

"I'm tired," Lida admitted, even her voice sounding weary. "Alexei never sleeps more than two hours at a time. And even when I tried expressing so Vasily could get up with him for a night, he wouldn't take the bottle and cried until I nursed him…"

"That's normal," Red told her. "Unfortunately. You could try feeding while lying on your side? I did that with my babies so I could sleep during the night. It made all the difference."

"You weren't scared of rolling on top of them?" Lida asked nervously.

"No," Red replied, smiling as she remembered those cuddles from her babies in the early days. Sometimes they had seemed endless, but now she considered them to be the happiest years of her life.

"No," she said again. "You're his mother. It's natural. Maybe don't let Vasily in the bed at the same time. It might have just been me, but I never trusted his father to have the same instincts as I did."

There was a pause as Dmitri moved back into the center of Red's mind. Lida seemed to sense the subject shifting to the actual purpose of her mother-in-law's call now. Although she didn't know much of the details and rarely spoke to Galina herself, Vasily had shared with her about the exchange with Yuri while they'd been at the hospital. Consumed with thoughts about his father, he hadn't been feeling prepared to handle his mother at the time. There'd been too much going on.

"Vasily isn't home right now," Lida explained. "He just forgot his phone here."

"That's okay," Red replied. "Where is he?"

"Well, they're all over at the apartment," Lida replied hesitantly.

"My apartment?" Red asked, rocking up onto the balls of her feet and then back again. She frowned as a picture of the walk-up apartment that had been above the store in Astoria where she had worked so hard came into view. It hadn't been a fancy place and with three boys it had often been crowded, but it had been home. She hadn't thought about it in awhile. Once she'd learned that Dmitri had closed the store it had become even a more unreachable place and she hadn't even considered where she'd go live once she was released, since she and Dmitri had no longer been married.

"Umm...yes," Lida replied. "They're cleaning it out. Deciding what to donate and what to keep."

"They're selling it?" Red asked sharply.

"Well, Papa had been trying to sell the store anyway, right?" Lida asked uncertainly. "And Yuri thought it would go easier now that the upstairs apartment is available."

"Is Dmitri even cold in the ground yet?" Red demanded. "What's brought on all of this sudden productivity? And why would Yuri be doing this without discussing it with me first?" She'd appointed her oldest son trustee of her affairs following the divorce, since from prison she naturally couldn't manage them herself right now. Yet, it still bothered her to have decisions being made without her input, even if logically she knew they were the right ones. She'd never be able to afford it on her own anyway.

"I don't…" Lida took a deep breath. "I stay out of all that. It's not really my business…"

"Right," Red said stiffly. "I'm sorry, it's just a lot. And I haven't been kept updated."

"Is there anything that you can think of you'd like me to make sure they keep for you?" Lida offered.

"What do you mean?" Red asked in confusion. "Everything I own is in that apartment. My jewelry, my books, my photographs-"

"Well, umm...all that is safe," Lida interrupted her. "Vasily's Papa had packed all of your belongings up for you several years ago, I believe. It's all labelled and in boxes. Vasily already moved that stuff to our place to store. I was thinking more furniture or whatever."

Red's heart fluttered again, but it wasn't in a pleasing way this time. She didn't know how to feel. All her life's possessions had been placed into boxes and stuffed away in some closet by her late husband. She supposed it was understandable that Dmitri wouldn't want to live in a shrine of all her belongings when she was going to be gone for years, but she wondered how long he had even waited. Had he gone home after her surrender date and done some house cleaning? Maybe he had enjoyed having the place to himself. It certainly explained why he had taken the divorce so well.

"No, I don't need any of the furniture," Red told her quietly. She didn't even have a home to furnish. "But my other stuff, you have?"

"Yes," Lida reassured her. "It will all be here waiting for you for when you move in with us."

"When I what?" Red blinked. Vasily and her had never discussed where she would live when she finally came home. Logically, she knew she couldn't afford a place of her own and since she wouldn't have been going back to Dmitri even if he had lived, it made sense she'd need to ask one of her sons for help. But it seemed like Vasily had already been planning ahead for that and had consulted his wife, who'd agreed.

Anna must be relieved, Red thought wryly. She could only imagine the tension if she'd needed to go there. And Maxim had only moved into his own bachelor pad recently.

"It's not going to be much longer," Lida replied. "Alexei will still be small. You'll be around for him. It's going to be so good."

"Yes," Red replied faintly, a smile stretching across her lips. She could hear Alexei whimper again as he unlatched. He put up a fight as Lida worked to switch him to the other side, and then she was back on the phone describing the details of Dmitri's funeral and promising to mail her mother-in-law the program Vasily had made for it.

When she hung up a few minutes later, Red was feeling infinitely better. She was happy Vasily had found such a nice girl and in a few years, she'd finally have the chance to get to know her better. Even more, she'd get to share a home with her precious grandson who would still be small. Alexei would be toddling around and she'd be there to watch him grow up. She'd get to love him and enjoy him like a grandmother should.

Red didn't think Vasily was going to feel burdened by her if he was already planning years in advance. At least, she hoped that's what it meant and that he hadn't simply lost a bet to his brothers and gotten stuck with her. It caused her to think of what Gloria had said, about her grown up daughters not even giving her their current phone numbers. It made Red's own fretting about a couple unanswered calls and some tense words with Yuri at his father's death bed seem so small in comparison. Red might not have a husband, but she did have a family to go home to and they wanted her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Co-written with Johanna-002**

 **A/N: to all the reviewers asking for more Nicky, I took that under consideration, so I hope you enjoy.**

"Alright folks start saying your goodbyes," Office Bell instructed into the microphone. She had hardly even looked up during the visiting hour, and still, her eyes were focused down on her magazine.

"Well," Red smiled sadly as she tapped her freshly polished and well-manicured nails on the table top. "I guess this is goodbye."

"I guess so," Vasily echoed. He reached a hand across the table and nudged her chin gently, winking at her as her smile stretched into something genuine. "Only until next week," he promised. "Yuri and Maxim are coming and I'll be back the week after that."

Standing up, she nodded her head in understanding. "I know," she told him as she walked around the table to meet him in the middle. She allowed her son to pull her into a hug, her head coming to rest against his cheek.

"I was hoping all three of you would be able to come," she admitted quietly. She rubbed her hand up and down his back, patting the center of it in the same manner she had when he was a baby.

Vasily rubbed his large hand up and down her spine. "I'll see if we can arrange our schedules and get the same weekend off," he promised her. "I know they really want to see you." He pressed a wet and hard kiss to her cheek.

"Ugh, Vasya," Red pretended to protest, as she felt the scratch of his rough unshaven face against hers. A reminder that he wasn't her little boy anymore, but now a fine man with a son of his own. She squeezed him back tightly, holding him close until she could hear the guard clearing her throat in warning.

Laughter vibrated in the back of his throat as he finally released her. "You used to love when I kissed you," he teased her. Sitting down on the edge of the table, he watched her eyes as they traveled to the table a few rows over where Gloria was saying good-bye to her own kids.

"See," he exclaimed quietly, shaking his head in amusement when Benny tried to dodge away from his own mother's kiss. "Now Gloria's got the right idea," he told her. "Her kid's get a kiss goodbye."

Red smiled, cradling his one hand in the both of hers. She brought it to her lips for a kiss and smoothed his palm out so that it was against her cheek. Her own customary show of affection. She had to admit that it was nice when the gesture was recuperated… even if she literally had to force his hand.

Exhaling a breath, her eyes flickered curiously over the room curiously. Most of the other visitors had already cleared out, but Wanda hadn't yet moved to hurry along the remaining stragglers. So, Red returned her attention back to Gloria, her features softening as she watched Julio embrace her warmly, rubbing her back the same way Vasily had done to her just moments ago.

It was a touching sight, one she felt privileged to witness. Pressing her lips together, Red had to literally bite back a smile at the glow she could see on Gloria's face. She had been so incredibly understanding about the halt in visits with her own children after Dmitri's death. Not that Red had ever expected her to become hostile over it, but still, it made her appreciate the woman's compassion and humility even more.

Over the last couple weeks, Gloria had become something of a pillar of strength for her, the two of them becoming closer than she had even realized they could be. They'd had such very different lives before prison, Gloria's seemingly more colourful than she had originally thought.

Every day, something new about her was revealed, and Red had to admit that she enjoyed the game they'd found themselves in. It had become a morbid little ritual that they indulged, sitting in their office going back and forth over whose life was worse, and why. It wasn't the typical "get to know you" that so many partook in, and that was what made it all the more pleasurable.

Thinking about Gloria and how close they'd gotten brought a rush to her face, one that only intensified when she caught, from the corner of her eyes, Vasily staring at her.

"What are you looking at?" She asked dryly, shifting in place on the balls of her feet.

"Nothing," he chuckled. At the sound of footsteps approaching, he dropped her hand and straightened up. "Hey, guys," he greeted the Mendoza boys. "Ready to go?"

As was customary when visitations ended, and Gloria's children approached, Red stepped away. Despite the fact that Vasily was their ride, and he her child, she could only be within so many feet of Gloria's children.

" _Ethical, boundary, something…"_ Wanda had said once.

Walking over to Gloria's side, her arms crossed over her chest, the two of them watched wistfully as their boys began to make their exit. Saying goodbye was always the hardest part, one you never quite got used to, even with all the practice they'd each respectfully had throughout the years.

"Good visit?" Red asked her, gently bumping her with her shoulder as they made their own exit from the room.

Gloria nodded, smiling at her graciously. "Yes," she answered. "Thank you, Red, seriously." She inhaled a deep breath, her hand rising to awkwardly tuck a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "I really needed to see them, hug them… it's been a long few weeks."

"Yea," Red whispered, nodding her head in complete understanding. "It sure has."

"How is your son doing?" Gloria asked. "You two seemed like you had a pretty good visit."

"We did," Red smiled. "Thanks to you… though you know I hate to admit," she grumbled. "You made me call him and now everything feels… normal again. Yuri and Maxim are going to try and come up next week, so unless something changes, your kids should be coming too."

Gloria nodded, her smiling widening. "They told me. I'm glad they're getting along so well… I was kind of worried Benny-" she paused, choosing instead to shake her head.

Exhaling a deep breath, she clapped her hands together in front of her. "I'm trying to be more positive, we had a good visit, he had a good attitude…" she explained.

Whether she was talking to herself or looking for input, Red wasn't sure.

Gloria cleared her throat and tried once more to give a positive statement about the situation she and her family was in.

"I'm glad they get along so well," she said. "My kids don't have a lot of male role models to look up to."

Red scoffed. "Neither did mine."

Gloria rolled her eyes. "This is why you get into trouble," she warned playfully, hip checking her playfully as they rounded the corner. "You shouldn't speak ill of the dead you know."

Red averted her gaze downward. She knew Gloria was right, but she hadn't been able to force herself to miss him. At least not yet. Her pain and her grief were reserved for her children, for the fact that they'd lost a father, and for the hard choice they'd had to make surrounding his final day, and for her grandchildren, her heart broke for them, knowing that they'd never really get to know their grandfather.

"I think I'm going to go check on Daya," Gloria said softly, as they approached her dormitory. "She wasn't feeling great this morning so I sent her to lie down after lunch."

"Where's her mother?" Red asked.

Gloria shrugged and shook her head at the question. "Either off doing her own thing or driving Daya nuts. I'm not sure which is better. Either way, I think I better go see."

"I don't know what they would do without you," Red said warmly, as an affectionate smile played across her lips. "Both probably more trouble than they're worth but at least they keep things interesting for you."

"We all know someone like that," Gloria chuckled. "Which reminds me...where is your little troublemaker? She didn't want to come see her new brother for visitation?"

Red rolled her eyes. "Since it was his first visit since his father passing I thought I'd see him alone. Nicky was fine with that. She said something about taking Lorna out to the garden to hideout in the corn this afternoon, but I gave Frieda express permission to chase her out with a broom if she tried anything."

"That's not going to deter Nicky," Gloria laughed. "You should have said she could wack her with a garden rake."

"Well, I'm heading out there now before dinner," Red replied. "So, I'll see how she made out."

XXX

Crossing the threshold into the sunshine, Red inhaled a deep breath as the warm sun beat down on her face. The bright and gorgeous weather was a nice change from the dull and gray mood she'd been in the last few weeks, and she welcomed it eagerly. She'd had a wonderful visit with Vasily and it put her in a positive mood for a change to enjoy what was left of the afternoon.

"Hey, Galina, wait up!"

At the sound of her name, Red turned to look over her shoulder. She smiled as she saw Healy trotting toward her. She moved her hand to cover her eyes, blocking them from the sun's intense glare.

"Healy," she greeted him as he reached her side. "How are you?" She asked. Laughter vibrated in the back of his throat as she noted his obvious distress, and labored breathing. "Not so good I guess," she joked lamely.

He patted his hand over his heart. He could feel it drumming wildly against his ribcage. "I'm getting too old for this," he told her breathlessly.

"You and me both," she agreed. Nodding her head in the direction of the garden she silently motioned for him to follow her. "What do I owe the pleasure of this little visit?" She kept her pace slow and steady so that they were walking side by side.

He slid his hands into the pockets of his pants. "Nothing," he said casually. "Well, actually, I just wanted to check on you," he admitted. "It's been awhile since we talked. I noticed your son came to see you."

Red nodded her head, a smile touching her lips. "The other two are coming next week," she told him happily. "They're going to bring Gloria's sons too."

Healy cleared his throat, and nodded. "Yes, I noticed that she'd been getting more visits. How is that working out? I hear her kids are pretty troubled. You know she's had some run ins with Burset and we don't need any more of that kind of trouble on our hands. I just want you to be careful."

Red awkwardly twisted her hands together. "They're kids," she said gently. "It's what kids do. They're really pretty harmless. In fact, Vasily seems to really enjoy them. I think it kind of gives him something to look forward to when Alexei gets a little older."

"That's your grandson?" Healy asked.

Red nodded. "My youngest, and I have the two older kids from Yuri. I was really hoping that Maxim would start to settle down, but he seems to be enjoying his life as a bachelor. He never wanted to commit to anyone. Didn't even want to take a date to the homecoming dance in high school." She pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose in annoyance. "He's pushing thirty-three."

"He's still got time," Healy tried to sympathize.

"Well, I'd like him to meet someone and start a family before I die. At the rate he is going I don't think it will ever happen."

She halted her stride and her eyes narrowed as she caught sight of Nicky emerging from the corn, pulling along a blushing Lorna by the hand. Exhaling in exasperation, Red nonetheless turned her focus back onto Healy. Her current displeasure with Nicky would not deter her from distracting Healy until she and Lorna got their wits about them.

"It will happen," Healy voiced confidently, as he reached out to touch her arm. "He just hasn't met the right girl yet. It's better he waits than marry up with someone he's incompatible with...like we did."

"That's an understatement," Red retorted, biting her lip as she remembered what Gloria had said about not speaking ill of the dead. Sighing, she turned her head towards Healy's hand that was holding her arm. It was only then that she noticed he was no longer wearing the wedding band he had sported since his ill-fared nuptials to his mail-order bride.

"It's really finished then?" she asked. Gingerly touching his bare finger with her own.

"Yes," Healy nodded. "I told you it was."

"I wasn't sure if you'd back out," Red admitted, still staring at his hand. "But I think it was a smart move. A fresh start. That's what all of us need."

She walked forward, her arm brushing out of his grip lightly as she did. She could still feel the pressure from his touch and was aware of the warmth through her shirt. She turned her focus back over to the girls in the garden. Having clearly caught sight of the approaching pair, Nicky had grabbed a watering can and Lorna was intent on scratching a rake against the soil in a way that made it pretty obvious to Red that she had no clue what she was doing.

"Hello, ladies," Healy greeted them, as he and Red approached the wired fence surrounding the garden.

"Hi, Mr. Healy," Lorna replied. "Hi, Red."

"Working hard, girls?" Red asked sharply, raising her eyebrows as she pierced Nicky with a stern glance.

"Thought you could use some help," Nicky chimed back, giving Red her best attempt at an innocent smile. "Especially since Frieda went to her craft circle and left us here all by ourselves."

Nicky winked playfully at Red, watching carefully as she stepped into the garden and reached out to pluck something out of her mass of curls. "So, all this time you've just been helping me?" Red rolled her eyes, as she thumbed a tusk of corn between her fingers.

"What else would we be doing?" Nicky asked innocently, nudging Lorna in the ribs suggestively. At the frown on Red's face, she straightened up and motioned to the leaf Red had pulled from her hair. "The corn is coming along nicely. I just watered it."

"I see that," Red said dryly.

"Yeah, the sun is hot today and I figured it could use it," Nicky replied. "Frieda said you liked to do it yourself but I expected you back before now. Visitation ended awhile ago. I guess you and Gloria stuck around to talk after?"

"Not exactly," Red said gruffly, flicking the tusk of corn to the ground. She watched out of the corner of her eye at the way Healy appeared to bristle at Nicky's words.

"You didn't?" Lorna asked in genuine surprise. "You two seem to spend all your time together lately. I rarely see one of you without the other. I overheard Aleida complaining about it to Maria the other day."

"You didn't tell me about that," Nicky complained.

"We're friends," Red defended herself quietly. "I can't have friends?" She could feel Healy's eyes on her and nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Nicky shrugged, either unaware or completely uncaring of how uncomfortable she suddenly felt. "I've never seen you be that friendly with Frieda."

As Red watched a smirk pull across the younger woman's lips, she couldn't help but narrow her eyes, a low growl of warning rumbling in the back of her throat.

"Nicky and I are friends," Lorna said happily. "The best of friends."

"Sure are doll," Nicky smirked, her eyes still focused on her mother. "We talk about a lot together... do a lot together... what do you and Gloria do together, Ma?"

"Ladies, I better head back inside," Healy cut in, and they all looked over to stare at his sudden stony expression. He straightened his spine and looked over at Red with both concern and sadness in his eyes. "Enjoy your afternoon."

"Bye, Sam," Red replied quietly. She watched him walk away and then turned back to fix Nicky and Lorna with a frosty glare that seemed not the least bit amused. Both girls had moved closer together now that the counsellor had left, and seemed entirely unaware of the awkward situation Red felt they had put them in.

"Did you have to taunt him?" she demanded crossly.

"Whoa, Ma," Nicky held up a hand in truce. "All I said was I watered the plants for you. He didn't read between the lines or believe me, we'd all have been treated to one of his famous rants against lesbians. Surely, you've heard them? He goes off about it at least twice a week."

"That's not what I meant," Red said stiffly. She picked up the watering can that Nicky had set on the ground and walked toward the greenhouse to put it away. Behind her back, Nicky and Lorna exchanged nervous looks with one another.

"Maybe give us a few and then I'll come find you, huh?" Nicky whispered to Lorna, who nodded her understanding. Nicky leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"To be continued," Lorna whispered back, before angling her head so that she could catch Nicky's lips in a brief direct kiss. She leaned the rake she'd been pretending to use against the fence and then walked out of the garden and back towards the building. She'd find her other friends or maybe take a shower before lunch. Give Nicky and Red as much time alone together as they needed.

Sighing, Nicky grabbed Lorna's rake and squared her shoulders before following Red into the greenhouse. The door was shut, so Nicky pushed it slowly open and then stepped in. Red had her back to her. Standing hunched over the table, her hands were rummaging over some small potted plants but her movements appeared to be more fidgeting than purposeful.

"Ma," Nicky called out to announce her presence. When she didn't turn around or answer Nicky went to set the rake inside the cage for the garden tools. It was temporarily unlocked until a CO came around to check over everything before it was time to go in.

"Come on, Red," Nicky sighed. "What's wrong?" She stepped up to press against her back. Her chin rested down on Red's stooped shoulder as she watched her stabbing her fingers into a small paper cup of soil.

"If this is you potting seedlings then you've got a very interesting approach," Nicky commented.

"Nicky," Red growled, shrugging her shoulders so that Nicky's head was bumped off of her, she moved away, creating space between them.

"Why's wrong?" Nicky asked again. "Why are you suddenly so mad?"

"Is that a serious question?" Red demanded, keeping her back to Nicky, as she slammed the one cup down and then pulled forward a larger pot.

"We didn't hurt the corn," Nicky began to say. Then she tilted her head back and heaved exhaled loudly. "Oh my God...is this about the comment I made?"

Red didn't respond, but Nicky watched as her hands went to grip tightly to the edges of the wooden work table she was standing before.

"Ma, I didn't mean anything," Nicky said, moving closer to her again. She leaned her elbows on the tabletop and craned her neck so that she could look up into Red's face. Her blue eyes looked stormy, her lips were pursed, but her usually pale cheeks seemed oddly flushed.

"I didn't want to upset you," Nicky told her. Red was still purposefully avoiding her gaze, so Nicky temporarily gave up and turned her head to stare down at her hands on the table instead. "I was just making stupid jokes, being inappropriate, I don't know...it's what I do. Usually, you'd just smack me and we'd move on," she chuckled half-heartedly.

"And maybe I'm underestimating Healy but it's pretty obvious he's smitten with you, so if anything I said just now did make him mad then I guarantee it's me he's got the problem with," Nicky continued. She offered Red a hopeful smile. "Maybe I'm not the only one who's been feeling a little replaced since you and Gloria became closer... _'friends'_."

Red glared back. "Why are you air quoting friends?" she asked sharply. "And I haven't replaced you."

"I don't know," Nicky chuckled. "It got you talking."

"But I haven't replaced you," Red insisted again. She brushed her hands together to wipe off some of the residue soil and turned to face Nicky directly on. "Why would you say that?"

"I just feel like it's been all about Gloria lately," Nicky answered truthfully. "I'm not...jealous. I know you've been dealing with some tough stuff lately and I get that Gloria probably understands more about those sorts of things than I do. You're both moms, you've been married...or you've been, at least. Was Gloria married before? I know she's not now…"

"What does it matter?" Red asked impatiently.

"Just thought it would to you," Nicky replied. "I figured it must have come up by now. I could tell you every single person Lorna has ever dated. I know where she lost her virginity and how old she was."

"Probably not old enough," Red rolled her eyes. "Is she still counting Christopher on that list or has she really accepted that that entire thing was a deranged fantasy?"

"Be nice," Nicky said, with a slight edge in her tone. She'd defer to Red on basically anything, but Lorna had always been someone Nicky was especially protective of. She wouldn't even allow Red to criticize her.

"I just don't want you to get hurt," Red admitted quietly. "Lorna isn't stable, Nicky. You know that."

"She'll come around," Nicky said confidently.

"You sound pretty sure of that," Red said dully. She scratched her painted nails against the natural lines worn into the board of the tabletop.

"You can't just do things the easy way for once?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" Nicky frowned.

"Aren't you afraid she'll break your heart again?" Red clarified. "You've known Lorna for a few years now and when did she ever give you the impression that she wanted to be more than friends?"

"Every time she pushed my head into her crotch," Nicky replied cheekily.

"Oh, Nicky," Red grimaced, swatting the back of Nicky's head roughly.

"Hey, you asked," Nicky chuckled, rubbing her hand over the thick mane of hair that had been jostled. "Besides, when did this turn onto me and Lorna, Ma? We're fine. We're happy. I'm not embarrassed if people acknowledge how much time we spend together."

"That is not the same thing," Red said, a defensive edge in her tone. "If people say anything about you two they're not implying anything...inappropriate."

"That's because they probably heard _inappropriate_ in the morning," Nicky smirked.

"And seen it with their own eyes," Red shot back. "Since I have that pleasure in the bathroom nearly every morning. I don't understand how you could even humour trying to connect me having a conversation with someone I work with, into all that mess."

"Wait...mess?" Nicky blinked. "We're not doing anything wrong, Ma. I mean, I'd be all for a more private location but when I try to find one out here you still get mad at me. Now yours and Gloria's private office, think of the possibilities." She laughed.

"That's not funny," Red said coldly. "I don't know what has gotten into you lately, Nicky. You never would dare speak to me like this before, or drag Claudette or Norma into all of this."

"I think Gloria is different than Miss. Claudette and Norma," Nicky said honestly.

Red took a deep breath. "How is Gloria different?" she asked. It was a question she had been wondering to herself for some time now. She felt Gloria was different. It just alarmed her that Nicky seemed aware of it also.

"For one, she's hot," Nicky answered, tapped her index finger against the other. "For another, I don't know...I'm not trying to start anything, but you just look at her differently that you did them. You've known Norma for way longer. How come you didn't go to her after Dmitri died if you didn't want to talk with me?"

"Because she doesn't talk back," Red replied, as though it was the most obvious thing.

"That never stopped you before," Nicky smiled.

Red sighed.

"Or Frieda?" Nicky suggested.

"Frieda killed her husband," Red replied. "What kind of empathy would she have had?"

"I thought she only cut off his dick?" Nicky asked.

"Alright, so," Red shrugged. "She killed him in a different way."

"If you were looking for empathy, then I'm surprised you went to Gloria," Nicky said honestly. "She never struck me as very empathetic. She's always yelling at people."

"I didn't go to her," Red said softly. "She came to me."

"That tells me that she cares about you," Nicky said gently. "And that's a good thing."

"Not if you're going around implying to everything there's something dirty behind it," Red said emotionally. "I should be able to make a new friend without you trying to twist it because you think everyone should be doing whatever it is exactly that you do."

"You don't know what I do?" Nicky asked. "I thought you just said you got a private show every morning."

"Hardly private," Red scoffed. "And don't remind me. I try to block that out."

"Not very well, I see," Nicky replied. "Because you brought it up."

"What even possessed you to ever even do that with another woman, Nicky?" Red asked. She looked puzzled, curious, and a little wary all at once. "I've been lonely in here and I've never considered just…"

"I like it," Nicky shrugged. "It's fun. It's hot… It just feels right. For awhile it was meaningless, just a way to pass the time. But I'm being completely sincere when I say that it's different with Lorna. I'm attracted to her because of the beautiful person she is, inside and out-"

"And how did you know that you were attracted to her _that_ way?" Red asked. "I've thought other women were attractive before but that never meant that I'd want to…" her voice trailed off.

"Well, gee, I don't know," Nicky exhaled. "How did you know you were...I don't know, attracted to men?" she asked awkwardly.

Red shrugged. Suddenly the greenhouse felt much stuffier. "I married one, had three children with one-"

"I asked how you knew, not what you did," Nicky interrupted her. "Was it… nice? Is it what you want forever… I mean Healy…"

Red felt all of the blood in her body rush to her face. She was sure she was as red as her hair. "Nothing is going between me and Healy either," she hissed.

"But you want to?"

"I didn't say that!" Red protested.

"So… then you want to with Gloria?"

"I didn't say that either," she growled, the heat in her cheeks intensified. "Stop putting words in my mouth."

Nicky seemed almost unphased by her mother's uncomfortability. "So… experiment?" When Red didn't seem pleased by that suggestion she said, "Look, maybe the difference between you and me is that I just did what felt natural to _me,_ and you did what you believed you were supposed to do. But now… do what you want to do. No one is going to judge you, least of all me."

"I never said that I wanted to," Red said quietly. She looked more agitated than ever, not at all soothed by Nicky's support.

"Are we going to keep going in circles here?" Nicky asked, tilting her head back in exasperation.

"Yes, because you're not listening to me," Red retorted. "You're the one who brought her up. I never even considered anything like this before you started trying to plant these ideas in my head."

"Fine," Nicky shrugged, holding her hands up in surrender. "Do nothing. You can grow old with me for the rest of your life."

Taking a chance, she leaned over to engulf Red into a hug. She didn't think Red would ever reject affection from her, no matter how annoyed she was, and Nicky was not to be disappointed. Red's arms came up to hold her tightly.

"I love you, Ma," Nicky whispered, planting a kiss on Red's cheek just like Vasily had earlier that day. Red smiled and leaned closer to her. Her tireless daughter who confused and frustrated only to switch into being loving and adorable as soon as she sensed she'd pushed all the buttons Red had to push.

"We'll be out of here someday," Red said, almost to herself more than Nicky.

"We'll get an apartment together?" Nicky asked hopefully.

"Yes," Red smiled, stroking her hair back gently.

"We can even get a dog!" Nicky exclaimed happily. "Name it Rootbeer. Ohh, or maybe Daisy...that's pretty."

Red pulled back from their embrace, her hands coming up to cup Nicky's chubby cheeks. "No dog." She eyed Nicky with a look that only mother's have. "But I might just have to get you a muzzle for that mouth of yours."

 **Thank you for reading.**


	10. Chapter 10

"So, when I called, Lourdes told me that Benny was at the library working with some kids from his class on some group project for Geography," Gloria was saying. She laid her hand of cards face down on the counter and then picked up a slice of cucumber from the bowl between her and Red.

"And she actually believes he's where he said he is?" Red asked in surprise, bringing a carrot stick halfway to her lips and blinking in surprise.

They'd finished getting through the lunch rush and without any discussion on either her or Gloria's part, after the other women had dispersed they had both lingered behind. Now they were perched on top of the counters, angled towards one another, in the middle of a game of cards they both kept forgetting about because talking to one another was far more interesting. Red had brought out some of the vegetables she'd picked from the garden that morning and hidden from the others. After the unappetizing slop they'd been forced to make for lunch, it had made Red smile to see how Gloria's eyes had lit up at something usually so unattainable around here.

"She went to the library and spied on him," Gloria giggled. "He's got to earn trust back if he wants it."

"Well, I'm glad that he was there," Red replied. Her foot dangling over the side of the counter brushed lightly over Gloria's calf.

"Does that mean he's doing better in school?" Red asked, swiftly moving her leg away before Gloria could think she'd done it intentionally. To her surprise however, Gloria crossed her legs so that her foot was deliberately touching Red's shoe. The contact made them both smile.

"Hmm," Gloria clicked her tongue. "I'm not really sure. School is almost out and his grades were poor all year, but it shows he's trying at least. His teachers should take that into consideration."

"Vasily told me he's good at sports," Red said.

"Yeah, he is," Gloria smiled. "He's a good runner, which I suppose has come in handy a few times when he needed to make a quick escape before he was caught doing something he wasn't supposed to. But he's also a good basketball player."

"What about you?" Red asked curiously. "Were you good at sports?"

"Mmm…" Gloria shrugged. "I did a little dancing, nothing fancy. What about you?"

"No," Red shook her head. "I don't think I have an athletic bone in my body."

"Well, that doesn't surprise me," Gloria smirked.

"What?" Red exclaimed.

"Well…." Gloria laughed, brushing her hand against Red's elbow playfully. "You never struck me as exactly coordinated. I was sort of impressed when my boys told me that Vasily played Rugby. I was wondering where he got his skills…"

"I always wanted to do ballet when I was growing up," Red admitted, a flush burning her cheeks from Gloria's momentary touch. "It's very popular in Russia but my parents could have never afforded it. My oldest granddaughter does figure skating though, and maybe if Vasily and Lida have another child, and it's a girl she'll dance…"

"Grandchildren…" Gloria whistled. "It must be hard being away and missing that."

"No harder than you being separated from your children," Red replied. "But yes...at least I'll be home soon."

"God…" Gloria shook her head. "I couldn't imagine if my kids told me I was going to be a grandmother. Julio is only going to be a freshman next September...but that doesn't mean anything. I wasn't much older than him when I had my daughter."

"You don't talk much about them," Red said softly.

Gloria looked confused. "My kids?"

"Your girls," Red clarified.

"It's a complicated, long story," Gloria sighed.

"Well…" Red said slowly, tilting her head back to observe the clock on the wall. "We've got time."

Red wasn't being nosy. She just had a genuine desire to know and learn everything about Gloria. Each time they talked like this, which had been happening more and more lately, Red started to like her even more. Gloria was just such a rich and complicated person. She exuded an aura of mystery that kept Red constantly curious, but at the same time everything Gloria said was so sincere that Red felt like she already knew her heart.

"Yeah…" Gloria agreed. Also turning to glance over at the clock, she slid over on the counter at the same time so that the space between them was even more minimized. Now their legs were touching and Gloria leaned in closer, folding her hands neatly on her lap.

"Well, there's a lot I just don't like to talk about," Gloria sighed, looking down at her folded hands. "It's hard...but I-"

"Hey, Red!" Caputo's voice called suddenly.

Red and Gloria both jumped in alarm. As Caputo came around the corner, both women slid off of the counter and took a step to create some distance between them.

"Afternoon, ladies," Caputo said warmly to them both.

"Healy, asked me to tell you he needs to see you in his office," he said, turning his focus onto Red.

"Oh?" Red said. Gloria noticed the way the flush that had been so prominent in Red's cheeks suddenly seemed to drain from her pale skin. This puzzled Gloria, since she'd always been under the assumption that Red enjoyed Healy's company quite a bit.

"Yeah," Caputo nodded. "But before you do that, I was wondering if one of you ladies might be able to please make me something to eat. I forgot my lunch at home."

"I'd love to," Red replied, crossing her arms as she leaned her back against the countertop. "Unfortunately, you got rid of all the good food so that you could feed us like animals."

"Come on," Caputo sighed. "You know that's not all on me. But besides that, you do have fixings to make me a simple sandwich, don't you?"

"I can make you a PB and J," Gloria told him, before Red could speak. "But that's about all. And we're rationed, so the sandwich will be light on the peanut butter and jelly…"

"I'll take it," Caputo replied. "Thank you, Mendoza."

"Well, I'll get going then," Red said quietly, giving Gloria a final look before turning to head to Healy's.

On her way out, she met Nicky but didn't pause to give her anything more than a brief hello. Shrugging at Red's urgency, Nicky lingered outside the kitchen until Caputo had been served and exited, sandwich in hand. Nicky entered the kitchen swiftly and took advantage of Gloria's distraction with putting the bread and condiments away to investigate, Nicky's thickly lined eyes glanced around the room taking in the cards on the countertop and the small serving of sliced carrots and cucumber from the garden.

"Looks like you and my mother were enjoying a pretty relaxing afternoon in here," Nicky commented, walking over to snag a carrot stick from the bowl.

"Until we were interrupted," Gloria replied, brushing her hands on her apron as she walked over to join her. "It's hard enough to find five minutes of peace around this place."

"To be fair, I think you two got more than five minutes," Nicky replied, biting off a large bite of carrot with a loud crunch. "Although I can understand how the time could just fly by. Where was she headed to in such a hurry?"

"Healy wanted to see her," Gloria replied stiffly.

"Hmm..." Nicky raised her eyebrows. "Interesting...Well, don't worry. In that case, I know she won't be gone long. She already told me that Healy is not her type."

"What are you keeping tabs on us now?" Gloria asked.

"Well…" Nicky shrugged. "Lunch is done being served, all the rest of the kitchen staff is out enjoying their afternoon, but you two decided to stay cooped up in here all alone on a gorgeous day. I thought Red was going to come hang with me outside…"

"Sometimes mommies need a break," Gloria replied, the corners of her mouth tugging slightly in amusement.

"Yeah, well, she could have at least offered me some of the garden food," Nicky complained. "Lunch was terrible and I'm starving."

"I used to have to lock the bathroom door just to eat a snack in peace, but my kids would just get on the ground and stick their little fingers under the door to talk to me," Gloria replied, looking unmoved by Nicky's dramatics. "Turns out it's not much different in here with you girls, we just have to get better at hiding apparently."

"Well, I don't see why you get to have all the good stuff," Nicky grumbled. "You didn't help with the garden. I at least watered it for her a couple times."

"Maybe she likes me more," Gloria teased.

"That's not funny," Nicky replied, her face clouding over in a frown. "Although, I can't decide whether to be glad or annoyed that she apparently took my advice after basically yelling at me for giving it in the first place."

"What advice?" asked Gloria suspiciously.

"No way," Nicky shook her head, chuckling as her wild curls bounced side to side. "I'm too young to die."

"You can have a slice of cucumber," Gloria bribed, holding out the bowl she and Red had been snacking from together.

"Hmm…" Nicky considered, reaching in to pull out a generous handful of sliced cucumber before Gloria could stop her. "Do you have any salt?"

"You can get it yourself," Gloria replied. "Although, I think Red would be offended to know that you don't think her produce is flavourful enough without it."

"She'll survive," Nicky replied smoothly, "I already told you she's annoyed with me anyway."

She made towards the pantry shelf that used to hold a lot of appetizing foods, spices, and occasional treats. Now it was pretty scarce. Most of its contents had been replaced by the boxes of slop stacked in the walk-in fridge. Still, a box of salt stood on a high shelf. Nicky sprinkled a dash onto the juicy cucumber and took a bite. Fresh food was luxurious around this place now and a little bit of seasoning had made it the most delicious thing Nicky had eaten all week.

"So, what did you do?" Gloria asked, walking over to join her. "Ordinarily she let's you get away with anything, and for some reason that escapes me she seems to find that big mouth of yours sort of endearing."

"Yeah, well, you know that she has the tendency to overreact sometimes when it comes to certain topics," Nicky replied casually, after she swallowed another bite of cucumber.

"Like the food?" Gloria suggested, with a roll of her eyes.

"Yeah, and her love life too," Nicky added with a smirk. "I can sort of understand...she hasn't had much experience when it comes to that and she's been alone for a long time-"

"That's what happens when you go to prison," Gloria replied. "Why are you suddenly so concerned about her love life?

"Come on," Nicky goaded. "Don't act like you don't know."

"Is this because Dmitri died?" Gloria frowned. "Because you just told me Red said that Healy wasn't her type."

"He isn't," Nicky confirmed, with a twinkle in her eyes. "How fortunate for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Gloria.

"Surely you've picked up on it by now," Nicky exclaimed. "I mean, subtlety has never exactly been one of Ma's strengths."

"I'm starting to understand why she didn't offer you any vegetables," Gloria replied, crossing her arms over her chest. At the same time, a flush had risen in her body making her feel both warm and electrified. Of course, there'd been signs, and there was no denying that her relationship with Galina Reznikov had changed dramatically. That was bound to happen now that they'd begun working is such close confines, having their sons share rides to visit them, and started talking about things much more significant than what was on the menu for the day. She didn't want to give anything away, but it was a struggle to resist the urge to smile as Nicky basically confirmed what she'd been worried might only been her imagination working overtime.

"So, you've just been nosing around in her business when she didn't invite you?" Gloria asked, sounding harsher than she'd intended. However, she suddenly felt a surge of protection for Red who, despite being a woman who rarely held back what she was feeling, had been exceedingly subtler about this. Gloria didn't want to put Red in an uncomfortable position if what Nicky was suggesting actually turned out to be true.

"What did she say?" Gloria asked, in a much gentler tone.

She wouldn't want Red to know that she was trying to score information from her observant prison daughter, but the desire to figure out more about what Red was thinking won out. Lately, Gloria had gotten to experience an entirely different side to Red, whom she'd once dismissed as a formidable ice queen who liked being in charge just a little too much. Now, Gloria had started to see how considerate and loving she truly was. Deep down, she was probably softer than Gloria could be. And although both had undoubtedly been strict mothers, it was obvious that nothing mattered more to both women than their children. That was a link that couldn't be underestimated.

"Is this an invitation?" Nicky smiled. "Does this mean you like her?"

"She's become a good friend," Gloria shrugged. "There are things I can talk to her about that Aleida or the other women just don't understand quite the same way."

"Okay, well that's a start," Nicky nodded. "I've noticed she's gotten pretty good at getting you to smile, and I don't think it's just because your sons have been able to visit more. So, you got to admit that's a pretty remarkable accomplishment."

"There's usually not much to smile about around here," Gloria replied, taking a deep breath and moistening her lips. She didn't want to give Nicky too much to run with, but she was suddenly in no hurry to end this conversation. Nicky was probably the person Red was closest to, so if anyone could give Gloria insight, it was her.

"Exactly!" Nicky exclaimed. "And I can tell you two make each other happy, so I don't see why you'd want to fight that. I know she has feelings for you and I know you have feelings for her."

"Who said I have feelings for her?" Gloria demanded.

"I know you do," Nicky replied confidently.

"You don't _know_ anything," Gloria argued.

"Yes, I do," Nicky smirked.

"You just think you do," Gloria replied.

"Okay, then," Nicky said. "Tell me that you don't and I'll drop it right now."

Gloria cleared her throat and rolled her eyes, but couldn't do what Nicky had requested. She didn't feel ready to admit to feelings that she hadn't even fully explored or discussed with the person in question, but Gloria knew herself well enough to know that she couldn't deny their existence. They were there, and they were real. What she was going to do with them still remained to be seen.

"Red told me she had feelings for you," Nicky said, a note of triumph in her tone.

"Really?" Gloria raised her eyebrows. "Because it sounds to me like Red basically told you to go away and mind your business when you started trying to play matchmaker for us."

"She did," Nicky admitted. "But that's only because she's stubborn."

"You're awfully sure of yourself," Gloria observed, feeling both amused and exasperated. "What's wrong with being friends?"

"Nothing," Nicky replied, "but there's nothing wrong with being more than friends."

"Well, I can't dispute that," Gloria said slowly.

"There's also nothing wrong with intimacy...if it's something you both wanted," Nicky suggested carefully.

Gloria's heart was fluttering madly in her chest as her cheeks pinkened slightly. She wasn't inexperienced when it came to intimacy with another person, although none of her past partners had ever been a woman either. It wasn't something that she was opposed to, she had just never considered it before. However, after several disastrous relationships behind her Gloria had resolved to remain single forever unless she found someone that was exactly good for her. It was never going to be about not wanting to be alone again. The gender of the person mattered far less to Gloria than the type of heart they had. And she already knew that Red had a good one.

"She's just as nervous as you," Nicky assured her. "She's never considered a relationship like this before and if she hadn't met you, I don't think she ever would have. But it's obvious to me that she finds you pretty special."

Gloria couldn't keep the smile off of her face for another moment. Nicky had just validated what she'd been feeling and there was no doubting that Red had become the bright spot in an otherwise rather bleak existence. Whether it would matter long-term or ever go any deeper than the connection they'd begun to forge, Gloria decided it didn't matter. Something that made their lives both a little better, even just while they were locked in here together, was a very good thing. It was something she wanted to pursue, and knowing that Red felt the same way filled Gloria with tremendous hope.

XXX

"Thanks for coming to see me," Healy said calmly, once Red had entered his office and he'd ushered her into the seat in front of his desk. Healy closed the door tightly behind them and as Red glanced over her shoulder at him, their eyes met in a look of deepest significance. Although the old friends were very comfortable in one another's company, the air between them had seemed heavy lately with a lot of unspoken things.

It was a continual blow to Healy's ego that despite being employed as a counsellor, he was rarely successful at getting the women in his care to trust and confide in him. They didn't seek his advice and when they just wanted a listening ear they were far more likely to open up to another inmate they were close to, than to him. Yet, Galina Reznikov had always been different.

Early on, after their initial encounter, she had always seemed to enjoy his company in a way no other inmate, or even woman in general, ever had. Healy was supposed to take care of her, but their relationship had always felt closer to that of equals, in that he sought out her advice and opinion far more than she ever reached out for his. Healy had always enjoyed the breadcrumbs of little stories and anecdotes about her sons that the usually reserved and private woman had given him over the years. However, Red had always been less inclined to share her pain with him. There was a lot they had still never really talked about.

"You told me to," Red replied, straightening nervously in her chair. "I didn't realize that I had a choice."

She was usually so comfortable in the man's presence. Her friend and confidant whom she'd always regarded as a good person. Yet, Nicky had taken things way too far the other day and Red was still embarrassed about it. She hoped Healy knew enough to realize that talking too much about whatever inappropriate fancy crossed her mind was just what Nicky did. The girl's words weren't always to be taken seriously. However, the atmosphere in the office right now was very disconcerting.

"I didn't mean to disturb you if you were busy," Healy said quietly. With a stony frown crossing his face, he walked around the desk and sat down in his own chair across from her.

"Were you in the middle of something?" he asked bluntly, folding his hands together as he regarded her carefully.

"No," Red said, just a little bit too quickly to sound genuine. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and sucked in her breath. The look Healy was currently giving her was making her skin crawl.

"You sure?" Healy asked,

"What are you on about?" Red asked, her voice slightly breathless from agitation.

Then she caught herself and, squaring her shoulders, straightened her spine, and raised her chin to give the illusion of calm composure. Healy might be her friend, but right now this was giving off vibes of an interrogation where anything she said could be used against her. It was obvious, since Healy had asked Caputo to fetch her from the kitchen when neither she nor Gloria were expected to be working at that time of day, that he knew they had chosen to hang back just to get some time alone together.

A flush she hoped was not detectable from across the desk scorched her cheeks. Was that what she had been doing? She'd certainly not been so busy to justify remaining in the kitchen during a break when she could have been tending her garden or visiting with Norma. However, Gloria's company had been enjoyable and had she not been called in to see Healy, Red didn't know how long she would have stayed chatting with the other woman. Her new interest in the woman she had formerly claimed to despise could not have gone unnoticed. Nicky had made it quite clear the other day just how unsubtle she considered Red to be.

"Galina, I'm just worried about you," Healy replied, squeezing his clenched hands together tightly.

"About me?" Red repeated, raising her eyebrows in practiced surprise. "Why on earth?"

"Well, for starters you've been through a lot recently," Healy replied, gazing at her incredulously. Red shifted slightly in her chair and exhaled loudly in obvious exasperation. "And it was pretty clear to me that what Nichols' was saying upset you yesterday."

"Nicky?" Red exclaimed, looking back at him and shaking her head rapidly. "Sam, this is really unnecessary...she's a child. She says things to poke at me like every other daughter in the entire world does to her mother on occasion. It doesn't mean anything."

Healy just stared back at her in disbelief. Despite what Red said, she knew nobody besides herself really would consider Nicky a child. She wasn't. But she was Red's child, and all that Red wanted to happen now was to Healy forget that the entire exchange between them all had ever happened. It was Healy's presence, that had made Red so infuriated at Nicky for her unfiltered observations and teasing. Try as she might, Red still cared very strongly about what other people thought of her. She didn't want rumours circulating, started by her own daughter nonetheless, that would open her to ridicule in the prison or have Healy or Gloria think less of her. She wanted it forgotten, but now Healy had called her in to discuss specifically that.

"So, you're saying that there was absolutely no grain of truth in her comments about you and Mendoza?" Healy asked bluntly, looking as though he didn't believe it for a minute. "She was just making things up to try and be funny?"

Red brushed her hair back out of her eyes and sighed. She could feel the comings on of a migraine, wrapping around her skull like a cap and suddenly had a very strong urge to find Nicky and give her a good smack. She'd let her off far too easily outside yesterday at the garden. Even if Nicky had honestly believed that Red needed her advice.

Healy appeared to take Red's silence as an admittance of guilt. He leaned back in his chair with his lips compressed tightly as he regarded her heavily for a moment. "I can make the arrangements to have Mendoza transferred out of the kitchen," he said heavily. "You're in separate dorms, you'll hardly ever have to see her."

Red shook her head in rebuttal immediately as her heart rate accelerated rapidly. She didn't know what she felt or what she wanted, but she knew being kept apart from Gloria was the opposite of that. Not to mention that it was embarrassing. As though they were two school children incapable of concentrating or behaving appropriately unless they were separated. Red felt shamed and ridiculed for things that she hadn't even made up her own mind about yet.

"That's completely unnecessary, Sam," Red whispered. "Gloria and I work well together, we get along, and have become friends. You're searching for things that just aren't there on the basis of Nicky's statements when she was really just bothered by she and I not spending enough time together lately."

"I'm not implying you've done anything wrong, Galina," Healy replied. "I'm just trying to prevent you from making a mistake that you'll seriously regret.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, while Red looked back over at him and blinked in confusion. "You and your sons have just suffered a devastating loss," Healy said heavily. "And instead of being home with them you're locked in here, by yourself, just trying to make sense of everything. I understand that you're lonely, but crossing those lines with Mendoza is just going to harm you, no matter how desirable Nichols tries to make that behaviour appear to you."

Healy took a panting breath of relief having said what he needed to say, while Red recoiled in her seat looking completely mortified. Her pale white cheeks were burned brightly and her hands had balled into tightly clenched fists. Healy was worried he might have gone too far but he wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he hadn't tried to reign her in and caution her about the dangerous route he felt she was about to take.

He didn't approve of any of that nonsense. It was common knowledge around camp that he strongly abhorred lesbian relations of any kind. He considered it unnatural and plain sinful, something he had seen several straight women be coerced into during their stay in the prison. Healy had just never expected to be worried about Galina Reznikov falling into the same category.

"Are your sons still coming to visit next week?"

The question came so out of nowhere after the weight of what he'd already said, that it took Red several seconds before she ever registered it.

"What?" Red asked, her brow wrinkling in perplexity. Healy had lectured and humiliated her, and now he wanted to talk about her sons. It didn't make sense to her.

"I'm just happy that you've been able to see so much of them," Healy said gently. "You and Dmitri might not have had a perfect marriage, but you did do your best to raise them in a proper traditional household. I know you and they have a lot to work through, but that's not something you should just wait until you go home to start. Make no mistake, what you do in here will impact them and who you'll be when you get your life back."

Red swallowed a large lump in her throat as the full impact of Healy's words hit her. She would be going home soon. That's what she'd told her sons at the infamous Mother's Day visit...the last time she had seen Dmitri. She wanted to be looking forward and thinking about the things that truly mattered, of which her family was certainly of the highest order. Yet, Healy was correct that the person she was now and the people she surrounded herself with would influence that and how much her sons were willing to accept.

Nicky would be fine. Red loved her and with each visitation that Nicky joined her on, things were becoming more natural and comfortable between herself and Red's three sons. But Gloria-Red felt alarmed at the thought of how she could even begin to explain Gloria to her family. Calling her a friend just suddenly didn't seem to feel like a strong enough word but no others, in English or in Russian, seemed appropriate either.

Red liked the person Gloria was, she enjoyed her company, and honestly considered her to be one of the most beautiful people she had ever seen. Did that translate to an affection beyond friendship? Red still couldn't decide and she was reluctant to figure out the answer. All she knew was that she had never been inclined to admire the natural thickness of Norma or Frieda's eyelashes, or study the cute point of another person's ears and need to refrain from saying how much she liked them. Yet, with Gloria, she had.

Healy's cautionary words had not blocked the thoughts he wanted her to avoid. Like a forbidden fruit, he'd forced the picture of Gloria to the forefront of Red's mind and that realization was panicking her. Healy had said enough to make Red know she didn't want to think or feel that way. She was relieved she hadn't done something stupid, something that would make her question everything she had always known about herself.

She had been a wife to a man, in a traditional marriage that had produced three beautiful children; and soon, she'd be going home to resume her place as their mother with the added joy of new grandchildren. The risk of falling for a woman could never be worth the risk of sacrificing that, and Red just couldn't see how both respects could ever be compatible together. She'd already asked her sons to accept far too much.

"Since we met, you and I, we've always known what the other one needed," Red said slowly. She moistened her painted lips with her tongue and then sighed. "You scratched my back, I scratched yours, and along the way I became convinced that you really care. Not because you feel you're supposed to, but because you want to."

"That's because I do," Healy replied. "I care about you very much. I don't even know them, but I care about your family and the girls in here you took under your wing because they mean so much to you. I've always tried to do what is in your best interest, even when it isn't always easy."

"It's never easy," Red corrected with the merest flicker of a smile. "I'm far more trouble than I'm worth. My husband would have told you that…"

The title for Dmitri slipped so naturally off her tongue and Red rolled her eyes when she caught it.

"Ex-husband," she corrected herself. "It was finalized before he died. I'll admit I was probably pretty...drastic. Once I decided to file I just ran with it. I don't regret it for myself, but I do regret it for my sons. It would have been nice to give them something from the past that didn't change to hang on to."

"Even if he had lived and you'd remained married, it would have been different," Healy reminded her. "Visitations here couldn't possibly prepare you for how he's changed, and you've changed too."

"I wouldn't even recognize my pre-incarcerated self," Red admitted with a scoff. "So worried, and stupid, and…. _innocent."_ She swallowed nervously.

"I was a good person, Sam," she said sadly. "And I was a good mother too."

"And you still are those things," Healy replied. "I have no doubt. And that's what you need to concentrate on. You have a future to think about and a family to return to."

"And I don't even know what I'm going to do with that," Red confessed, a shine to her eyes as she looked at him imploringly. "I have nothing of my own anymore. Only my sons to depend on, and that's not fair to them…"

"You're going to-"

"I have no job, no home…" Red stammered on, images of the store and apartment Dmitri had driven to ruin replacing the picture of Gloria in her head. Suddenly she was filled with a panic of what little control she had of anything. She was beginning to even lose control of her own impulses, slipping into fantasies of desires that couldn't be sincere if they hadn't emerged before in her sixty years of living.

"No, partner," She added sadly.

Her feelings for Gloria had to be a mental mode of escapism from the disaster that was her life. In time, Red figured she would learn how to shut off the want for someone that she could never have. She looked into Healy's eyes with helplessness in her own, and saw the strength, compassion, and friendship she'd come to depend on all these years. He'd helped her to survive. She was grateful for him and all the wonderful attributes she had learned about him along the way. Most people never saw past the issues and the trauma that had marked him, but Red knew better. Just like Healy had always taken the time to see the best in her. She was much more than just the crime that had got her sent here in the first place.

"And... I won't have you."

Her confession was released from her burdened chest without Red even really recognizing what she had let go. With a sudden race of urgency, she stood up abruptly, crossing her arms together and feeling both safe and unguarded. She rarely made herself as transparent and open as she currently was, even with Healy whom she'd always trusted. She'd been blessed to find him. He had looked out for her arguably much better than Dmitri ever had, and the thought of losing his support and companionship was something that greatly saddened her.

"I'm never going to go anywhere," Healy told her, looking astonished by her uncharacteristic vulnerability. He also got to his feet and walked around the desk to stand directly beside her. Both of their backs to the small sofa he had against the wall.

While Red's arms remained crossed and her body language shut off, Healy reached up and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder because it just felt natural. Slowly, he stroked his thumb soothingly over the fabric of her white jacket, watching her eyes carefully as she turned to study his movement.

"Not if you didn't want me too," Healy fumbled awkwardly. He didn't know what was happening or what the right things were to say. He had expected Red to storm from his office in a rage from hell after he dared to question her. Instead, she was opening up and inviting him in to the perils and anxieties of her current life and its future course.

"I don't know what I want," Red admitted.

"Well, that's okay too," Healy replied, as he kept his hand upon her shoulder.

"Mhmm," Red nodded. She wouldn't meet his eyes, but her tightly crossed arms unclenched and she slowly moved her hand up until it rested directly on top of his. She squeezed his knuckles affectionately.

"I'm trying to decide if this is more awkward than the time I told you I was filing for divorce and you exploded at me about your mail-order bride sleeping in her mother's room," Red chuckled, a true smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. "I'm not entirely sure, but I think this might be worse."

"Well, try not to draw extra attention to it," Healy teased, echoing the advice she had given him the last time. She caught the jest. Smirking as their touching hands suddenly deepened in closeness as their fingers intertwined.

"I'll try," Red murmured. Squeezing his hand again, she tugged it away from her shoulder and encased it between both of hers. His hand was large and warm, with hairs across the knuckles that tickled the palm of her top hand.

"You're going to be alright," Healy reminded her. His hand twitched excitedly between her tightly clasped ones. They had never been quite this close and it was so nice now that they were. They'd been a lot of things to one another over the years and it was a wonder to be validated. While never hesitating to point out his flaws, Galina Reznikov had somehow always managed to give him the jolt of confidence he'd never received from anyone else in his life.

"I know that," Red replied, tracing the line of vein she could feel on the back of his hand. "I've always managed, even when it seemed impossible. It's just that sometimes you get tired of always having to push so hard to get less than what everyone else has."

"It's going to get better," Healy replied assuredly. With his free hand, he gripped at the crook of her elbow and then guided her to sit back on the couch that was behind them. He hadn't done anything to pull her closer to him, but as she sat down Red purposely wriggled over so that she was leaning more into him than the back of his couch. His hand she was still holding, was placed warmly in her lap.

Red clearly had no intention of moving away from him yet and it felt so right that Healy ignored the counsellor within telling him this was crossing lines. It seemed too natural to be wrong. Almost as comfortable as if they were a couple settling together in front of the television at the end of a taxing day. Healy didn't want to read too much into it, but couldn't help himself when in another instant Red had leaned further back against his chest, and pulled his hand over so that his arm was wrapped tightly around her.

"You're a good man, Sam," Red told him sincerely, tilting her head back to look up at him. He could read something more, hidden in the back of her sparkling blue eyes but before he could wonder, Red had done what he'd least expected.

All professional lines of boundary were suddenly crossed as Red's lips brushed against his own. They were plump and smooth, twitching against his thinner lips in a warmth and affection he couldn't help but respond to. He kissed her back, their lips parting as it deepened. Healy could feel her tongue teasing against his, forceful and strong with desire as though she'd been thinking about this for a long time. Wanting all of him and suddenly Healy was ashamed for even suggesting she could be feeling attraction for another woman. He'd known she wasn't really like that and the passion she was exhibiting now proved it. And Healy knew that he loved her.

Red kept her eyes closed as she moved her lips with his, leaning deeply in with an aggression she had hoped would inspire a passion that just couldn't be felt. It had been so long that just the simplest touch of a man should unleash in her an excitement, but it didn't. Red felt warmth and an affection for a good person she held in high regard, but the kissing was mechanical and her mind was drifting.

Aside from the simplistic amazement that came from kissing someone after so many years alone, Red realized at once she'd radiated more excitement simply from standing beside Gloria. She invoked more passion and enticement from Red with a simple look than kissing Sam Healy or going to bed with her husband could have radiated combined.

What Red was doing right now was nice and a pleasant experience. It wasn't something she'd have regretted, if only for the nagging guilt that she was giving the wrong idea to a man she cared about. Her actions were suggestive to Healy that this could be something she now was forced to realize didn't work for her and never really had. As she'd done in her marriage, she could have gotten through it and found little ways to enjoy it if she'd been so inclined, but Red would rather never experience a level of romantic intimacy with a person ever again if it needed to be manipulated and forced. As she broke away, ending their kiss, Red couldn't resist wondering to herself what it would have felt like to be this way with Gloria. 


	11. Chapter 11

**This chapter was written by Johanna-002.**

"She lives!"

Red jumped at the sound of Nicky's voice, and the book she'd only been pretending to read fell from her hands onto the floor. "Jesus, Nicky," she breathed, soothing a hand over her beating heart. "You scared me." She leaned over the side of her bunk to retrieve the book, and groaned as the muscles in her back instantly tightened up, protesting her movements.

"You can only scare the guilty," Nicky teased. Toeing off her boots, she kicked them carelessly under Red's bunk before plopping herself down at Red's feet. "I'm glad to see you're feeling better, though."

"What?" Red frowned at her as she distractedly marked the place in her book. "Who said I was feeling sick? I just needed to lie down," Red explained simply. She pulled the crochet blanket she was using up around her shoulders and sighed tiredly as she reclined into her pillow.

"You could have fooled me. You haven't been yourself for days. I came looking for you about two hours ago and you were completely dead to the world." Nicky crossed her legs and pulled Red's feet into her lap. "Is your back hurting?" she asked quietly. She moved her hands beneath the blanket to knead her slender fingers against the sensitive souls of Red's feet.

"No more than usual," Red lied.

Nicky pushed her thumb roughly against Red's foot, hitting the pressure point she knew to be beneath her big toe. "You've been sleeping a lot lately," she said quietly.

Red hissed as Nicky passed over the tight spot again. Her eyes closed and brows furrowed in pain, she chewed on her bottom lip. It wasn't often that she allowed herself to be taken care of, and any other time, while she would have sent Nicky away, today, she didn't have the heart to.

"I'm getting worried, Ma," Nicky said seriously, as she concentrated on working out the knot in Red's foot. "And so is Gloria."

At the mention of Gloria's name, Red felt her stomach twist in something akin to guilt or embarrassment-she hadn't decided which. She hated admitting when she felt weak and needed help, but Nicky was right-she did feel sick. Every ounce of her felt completely exhausted beyond repair. Her back had been hurting worse than ever, she didn't have much of an appetite, and her usual high energy drive had hit an all-time low. The throbbing headache she felt pulsating in her temples, didn't help much either.

"Maybe you're getting the summer flu," Nicky said thoughtfully. "I think Yoga was complaining of feeling sick too."

"Mm, maybe," Red said unconvincingly. Under the blanket, her hands were tightly clasped together and her nails were pressing into the skin of her tumb-a nervous, guilty habit that she'd thought she had kicked ages ago.

"Anyway, I did have a reason for visiting you," Nicky said coyly, a smirk tugging on the corner of her lips.

"More than just you checking in on me and giving me a foot massage?" Red asked with a chuckle. "Thank you by the way," she wiggled her foot in Nicky's hand.

"I knew you'd enjoy it. This is usually what I do to put Lorna in the mood," she wagged her eyebrows suggestively.

Red kicked at her in response, the ball of her foot connecting with the center of her sternum and knocking Nicky off balance as she almost toppled to the floor.

"Ma!" Nicky exclaimed in mock outrage. "There is no need to get hostile."

"There is no reason for you to be foul," Red reprimanded her.

"Oh, there is always a reason," Nicky argued confidently. Pulling back the crocheted blanket Red was nestled beneath, she jetted her head toward the concrete divide that seperated Red's bunk from Norma's and said, "Move over."

Doing as she asked, Red wriggled closer to the wall to make room for Nicky, and in a maternal display of love, she pulled up the blanket up and tucked it around Nicky so that they were both now cuddled underneath it.

"So, you know how they are expanding the prison population and doubling us up?" Nicky asked curiously as she squeezed her arm tightly around Red's waist.

"I've heard the rumours," Red replied dismissively as she stroked her hand through Nicky's tangled curls.

"Oh, they're not rumors," Nicky said excitedly. She moved her legs in between Red's and scratched the soul of her foot with her big toe.

"What are you talking about?" Red asked.

"Healy all but confirmed it to me just now. He said he's moving me in here when the bunk beds come in. We get to be roomates!"

Red compressed her lips at the mention of Healy's name. She felt her stomach churn with the guilt that had been nagging at her insistently for the last week, ever since they had kissed in his office. With no desire to try and put that night into words, Red had done her best to avoid him. It was akin to pretending nothing between them had happened, hardly the healthiest coping mechanism, she was aware, but there really was no other choice.

The intimate act between them confirmed to her more than one thing and she needed to put some distance between them for both of their sakes. For starters, she realized she wasn't sexually attracted to him. Emotionally, perhaps, she was. She was aware that she leaned on him too much for moral support, and while she hated herself for giving him the wrong idea about the nature of their relationship, Red felt a sense of security in knowing he wouldn't tell anyone about it. Her secret was as safe as she wanted it to be, because even if Healy had enjoyed it, as much as she suspected he did, it didn't change the fact that their kiss was technically illegal. Had she not initiated the embrace to begin with, she knew he never would have crossed those lines. He was much to honorable for that… which was what made her second realization _that_ much worse.

In choosing to remain in denial of her feelings, Red had managed to screw herself out of exploring the possibilities of having a future with Gloria. A future that, until she'd kissed Healy, she had never sincerely considered. Now, the very thought was one she couldn't escape and it only made her feel worse. It was another reason she hadn't been able to muster up the strength to go to work.

"We're already crammed in here," Red complained. "And Gloria and I can barely feed the masses as it is. They don't even give us real ingredients. How are we supposed to accommodate more people?"

"I know and ever since Gloria found out she has been more short-tempered than usual. It doesn't help that you stopped turning up for shifts," Nicky replied, as she snuggled closer to Red beneath the covers. "I think she misses you."

"Really?" Red asked softly. She could feel Nicky watching her, but she couldn't stop the shy smile from pulling across her lips. It was truly remarkable that she had managed to deny her feelings from herself for as long as she had. Nicky, of course, had suspected what was going on from the beginning, and it was only now that Red regretted shutting her down so quickly. Perhaps if she'd been more open-minded, she would not have wound up in this predicament.

Having to work alongside Gloria everyday and look her in the eyes, wanting to tell her how she truly felt, and then having her kiss with Healy weighing on her mind-it wasn't fair. There was no way Red could rightfully express her interest and casually sneak in Healy's name and how what had transpired between them made her realize how she felt.

No one wanted to be made to feel like second best, and she feared that's how her confession would come across. As much Gloria had confided in her over the last few months, she couldn't risk hurting her. The entire beauty of their relationship revolved around the fact that they were equals, and tipping that scale, making Gloria feel less than, was something Red refused to do.

"I'm so tired," Red whispered, "But I really should show up for dinner tonight. Gloria's been picking up all the slack the last few days and that's not fair."

"If you need to rest another night, then rest. You know that woman would let you get away with anything, Ma."

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," Nicky argued. "She likes you."

"We've become good friends," Red agreed.

"Yea… but I mean more than friends," Nicky squeezed her arm tightly around Red's midsection. "She really likes you."

Red bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling and tugged playfully on Nicky's curls. "Why do you say that?"

"Because she told me."

"She told you?"

"Well… not in so many words, but yes," Nicky admitted. "I told her you liked her and she didn't deny liking you back."

"Nicky," Red sighed.

Nicky propped herself up on her elbow. "Look, you can be mad at me later, but I'm doing you both a favor. Why can't you both just talk to each other about this? I know you're scared of what everyone else will think, but screw them. You've never worried about other people's opinions before, so why do you care now?"

"It's not that simple, Nicky."

"I think it is," Nicky objected. You're the one who is making it harder than it has to be. I'm not saying marry her or anything, but… have some fun.. See where it goes. Go with her to the movie tonight

"I don't know," Red chewed on her bottom lip.

"Fine, live in denial," Nicky sighed. "Don't ever say I didn't try to help you. Most people would kill to have me as their wing man and you're just letting all of my talents go to waste."

Red rolled her eyes. "You know, honey, I'm starting to rethink this roommate situation."

"Why? I am a delight. I'll be a great roommate."

"Of that I have no doubt," Red chuckled, "But I have a feeling I am never going to have another moments peace."

"Probably not," Nicky agreed with a smile.

Shaking her head affectionately, Red squeezed Nicky to her tightly. There was still so much that she had to figure out. She didn't know if she'd ever have the courage to tell Gloria how she felt, or if she'd ever be able to do anything about it, but knowing that she had Nicky's unwavering support, no matter what she decided to do, was something that she was eternally grateful for.

XXX

"Hey,"

Red nearly flinched at the unexpected touch against her knee, but smiled when she saw Gloria crouching down in the aisle. "Hey," she whispered, looking around the crowded movie room. "What are you doing?"

"I wanted to see you," Gloria admitted, she squeezed her knee gently. "Are you feeling better?"

Smiling at her, Red nodded. "Yea… yea, I am. Do you want to sit? I'll make the girls move," she whispered, gesturing to Lorna and Nicky who were on her right side.

"No, I-"

"Shhh!"

Gloria turned her head to find Taystee glaring at her and she rolled her eyes. "You shh, or you wont get breakfast tomorrow morning." Taystee narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, but Gloria ignored her and returned her attention back to Red. "Actually I wanted to know if you wanted to go for a walk with me?"

"Now?" Red gestured to the movie that was playing.

Gloria nodded, "Yea… We've seen this movie a million times… you don't really want to see it again do you?"

Red looked up at the screen and then back to Gloria. "Okay," she whispered. "Yea.. I'll walk with you." She stood up and helped Gloria to her feet. She ignored the eyes she could feel on their back as they made their way back up the aisle toward the door.

They didn't speak as they walked shoulder to shoulder through the hall and it wasn't long until they found themselves outside. The moonlight beaming down illuminated their path to the picnic tables. Gloria climbed up to sit on the table top and Red took a seat on the bench next to her feet.

"It's nice out here tonight," Gloria said quietly as her eyes scanned over the clear fields. It was a rare treat to get any privacy.

"It is," Red agreed. "I'd probably enjoy it a lot more on the other side of the fence."

"You and me both, sister."

Red smiled at her sadly. "You've only got four years left, right? That's not so bad."

"Are you kidding me?" Gloria chuckled dryly.

"Just trying to stay positive." Red tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "That's all we can really do." She drummed the fingers of her right hand against the table and propped her chin up into her left.

"You're full of positivity tonight," Gloria smiled. She lightly bumped her foot against Red's leg. "That's not normally like you. You're more of a 'dark and gloomy, the world is on fire and we're all going to drown in hot lava' kind of person."

"Excuse me?" Red swatted Gloria's thigh. "I am not. If anything, you are the negative one. Everyone can feel your bad mood from a mile away."

"Hmm," Gloria said dismissively. Shrugging her shoulders, she reached into her breast pocket for the pack of sour skittles she had bought at the commissary before going into the movie. "Want some?"

"No," Red dropped her hand from the table to Gloria's foot. Her hand smoothed it's way up her boot to wrap around her right ankle and she squeezed it playfully. "How has it been in the kitchen the last few days without me?" She asked curiously.

"Hell," Gloria answered honestly. She dragged her left foot along the bench so that it was even with her right. The movement allowed her to trap Red's hand in place and she smiled as she felt the older woman squeeze her ankle once more. "I never thought I'd see the day when I'd actually miss you nagging at me."

Red shook her head and rolled her eyes in amusement. "I do not nag you," she protested. "I am merely helping you."

"Oh, helping? Is that what you're calling it when you start nit picking?" Gloria scoffed.

Chuckling in the back of her throat, Red licked her tongue across her bottom lip. "I'm not that bad," she promised.

"Denial," Gloria clicked her tongue. "Now you sound like my ex-husband," she chidded playfully. Shaking her head, she poured some skittles into her hand.

Arching her brow in curiosity, Red released the hold she had on Gloria's ankle and smoothed her hand down so that it was wrapped around her boot. "I didn't know you were married," she said softly.

Gloria threw a yellow skittle into the air and tipped her head back to catch it in her mouth. "Ugh," she shrugged, as she successfully caught the candy and tossed up another one. Shaking her head as the sour-powdered sugar saturated her taste buds, she licked her lips. "Yea, I was married almost seven years I guess."

"Oh," Red nodded. "Did you get divorced when you came here?" She asked curiously.

Shaking her head no, Gloria poured more skittles into her hand. "No, no, we divorced a long, long time ago. Probably almost twenty years now." She squinted, as if calculating the time backward in her mind and shrugged, "Something like that."

Red frowned. "Your sons are a lot younger than that," she said gently.

"Different dads," Gloria explained.

"You know," Red said thoughtfully as she folded her arms on the table top, "There's a lot I don't know about you." She tilted her head and watched Gloria closely. "I mean you pretty much know everything about me and about my family but I don't really know much about you."

Gloria chuckled deeply in the back of her throat. "What do you mean?" She asked. "You know about my family. You've heard enough of the drama going on between me Sophia. You've even seen my boys in the visitation room. Pretty sure you've seen my aunt before too."

"I know," Red nodded, '"I guess… I just want to know everything."

A small smile tugged at the corner of Gloria's lips and she wrapped up what was left of her skittles before tucking the bag into the pocket above her breast. "If I told you everything, Reznikov, what would we have to look forward to?" She asked curiously.

In that instant, it felt as if the universe were offering Red her entire future on a silver platter. The thought of spending the rest of her life, learning everything about Gloria that she possibly could, thrilled her to her core. So much of Gloria was a mystery, and every fiber in her being was reeling with the excitement of being the one Gloria chose to open up to.

"I think we'd have a lot to look forward too," Red said confidently.

Gloria moved from the table top down to bench, but instead of sitting on it properly, she was straddling the wood, leaving about eight inches between herself and Red. "You do?" She asked.

"I do."

"You know," Gloria said casually. "Nicky told me a secret about you… I was wondering how much truth there was to it."

Red bit the inside of her cheek and cocked her eyebrow. "Oh yea?"

"Mm-hmm," Gloria nodded.

Red inhaled a breath before slowly releasing it. "Well Nicky told me something about you, too."

Gloria chucked deeply in the back of her throat. "That girl of yours has a big mouth, Red." She moved toward her on the bench, her hand moving to lay on her thigh. "She seems to have it in her head that something _should_ be going on between us."

Nervously, Red licked her tongue across her lower lip before pulling it between her teeth. "I know," she admitted.

"So… what does that make you think?" Gloria wanted to know where her head was at. She wanted to give her every opportunity to stop anything before it ever happened. She'd been well aware of the feelings that had been growing between them for some time, but she'd been too nervous before now, to do anything about it.

And before she crossed that line, before she changed the context of their relationship forever...she wanted to know how Red felt. She wanted to hear her say the words, because as sure as Nicky was about Red's feelings, it meant nothing to Gloria unless she heard it from her herself.

"I don't know," Red admittited.

"Is she wrong?" Gloria asked. "Or is there... Something between us?"

"Do you feel something between us?" Red asked. "Something deeper than friendship?"

"Would it scare you if I said yes?"

"A little… but only because I think I feel it too," Red answered honestly. "And it's… making me question everything I ever thought I knew about myself,"

"You know, feeling this way… it doesn't change anything," said Gloria reasonably. "It doesn't change the person you are. You're still the exact same person. This is new for me too, you know." She squeezed Red's hand tightly in her own.

"Then why are you so calm?" Red asked.

"Maybe I'm just not as dramatic as you are," Gloria lightly teased, and Red leaned back to look up at her.

Red smiled at her slightly. Her blue eyes were bright and passionate. To Gloria, she had never looked more beautiful, or more vulnerable.

"You don't need to do anything you don't want to do," Gloria told her, "and whatever you're feeling right now is okay."

Red moved her hand to tuck a stand of hair behind Gloria's ear. "How are you feeling right now?" she asked, her voice laced with uncertainty.

"How am I feeling?" Gloria asked as she placed her hand on top of Red's. She pulled it down to her lap and held them securely, passing her thumb slowly back and forth over Red's skin. "I'm feeling like… I should really kiss you."

At Gloria's words, Red couldn't hold back any longer. She leaned forward and pressed her crimson lips to Gloria's mouth. Gloria kissed her back with equal enthusiasm, caressing Red's cheek as she melted into the kiss. Red parted her lips and their tongues intertwined. It was a kiss unlike anything either of them had ever experienced before and neither of them wanted it to ever stop.

Their embrace seemed to awaken every part of Red and emotionally she felt completely at Gloria's mercy. She couldn't have pulled away for anything, every part of her was screaming for even more contact, more closeness. Red reached blindly for Gloria's waist, tugging, urging her to come even closer. She wasn't thinking, or fretting, she was just _feeling_. And it felt wonderful. She purred excitedly in the back of her throat as she held Gloria close, returning the kiss with as much eagerness as she could express.

As they surrendered into the kiss, it wasn't long before Gloria was all but almost sitting in Red's lap. The way that Gloria had been straddling the bench, made it easy for Red to hold her. The position also allowed her hand to travel and explore every inch of Gloria that she wanted.

"We have to go for count soon," Gloria whispered against her mouth.

"Soon, not right now," replied Red.

"Don't be difficult," Gloria playfully scolded her, but Red just chuckled and leaned down to kiss her lips again. She then pressed an equally sweet kiss to her cheek and neck before allowing her lips to travel to her collarbone.

"You're being bad," Gloria smiled. Her arm was wrapped tightly around Red's back and she brought it down slowly so that her hand could caress her cheek.

"We're both bad," Red retorted, pulling her hand down so that she could kiss her palm. "That's why we're in prison."

"Well some of us must be more rehabilitated that others," Gloria murmured and she leaned up to brush Red's lips again. She could have easily stayed in there with her all night, but count was approaching and she was getting nervous that someone would soon come looking for them. 

"Just for the record… Nicky's right. I do like you," Red whispered against her ear, kissing the knot in Gloria's jaw.

"That's good," Gloria mouthed, smiling. She kissed her lips softly, and said, "Because I really like you too."


	12. Chapter 12

"Look, Nicky, Red's over there," Lorna pointed out, motioning over to the garden.

Nicky let the door to the building close behind her as she stepped outside into the glimmering sunlight. Hurrying a couple of paces so that she could match Lorna step for step, Nicky couldn't resist a smile as she glanced over in the direction that Lorna was pointing.

"I figured as much," Nicky replied with a chuckle. She shook her head, making her massive curls bounce and brush Lorna across the face.

Red had been a hard person to keep track of lately and though a part of Nicky was annoyed about that, she mainly was just amazed at how quickly her mother had switched gears from avoidance to almost constant togetherness. Sure enough, Red was not alone outside the greenhouse. She was sitting on a rickety wooden bench with Gloria right beside her, and nobody else nearby.

"Gloria is with her again," Lorna stated unnecessarily.

"Gloria is always with her," Nicky replied. "You'd think there was something going on between those two."

"Careful," Lorna giggled. She linked her arm in with Nicky's and gave her an affectionate squeeze. "Don't you remember how mad Red got the last time we suggested she and Gloria would make a cute couple?"

"Huh, yeah," Nicky chortled, rolling her eyes dramatically. "She got all defensive and then it seemed like she started avoiding Gloria just because she didn't want to give me the satisfaction of being right."

She wasn't bitter, if anything it amused her. For all the grief Red had given Nicky about daring to suggest the possibility of something more with Gloria, she was certainly enjoying the benefits now of having finally taken her advice.

Nicky still didn't know what exactly had transpired the night of the movie, when she saw Red and Gloria sneak out together. She finally had to accept that she probably never would know. Red had been irritatingly tight lipped about everything that had occurred since then. Nicky could tell she was still wary of admitting how strong her feelings for Gloria were, and yet she was way too happy to do a very effective job at hiding them. The other women around them might know better than to mention what was obvious to anyone with eyes, but nobody could deny the change that had come over both Red and Gloria. They had become an inseparable pair, spending most of their time in private conversation with one another, and sneaking off to be alone whenever the opportunity arouses.

"You want to go say hi?" asked Lorna.

"Yeah, let's go bug them," Nicky nodded, a mischievous smile twisting her pink lips. "After all, they owe everything to me anyway, right?"

"Everything?" Lorna blinked. "I thought all you did was make Red mad by outing her in front of Healy?

"Alright, maybe I went a little too far with the jokes _one_ time," Nicky reckoned, steering Lorna in the direction of the garden. As they trekked across the grass towards the two older women, neither Red nor Gloria showed any sign of noticing anybody in their vicinity. They were looking at one another, hanging on each other's every word, and it was obvious that they could have just as well been on their own planet. Even the wired fence surrounding the grounds could not inhibit them right now.

"However, I'm also the one who got Red out of whatever depression she was in a couple weeks ago and convinced her to go meet Gloria at the movie in the first place," Nicky added. "It was so obvious how much they both liked one another, but they'd never have admitted it without my help."

"Doing the Lord's work," Lorna teased. "I always knew you were an angel, even if you're sometimes a little bit rogue. It sure is nice to see Red happy again though."

The joy radiating off of Red lately was unprecedented, but nobody but herself was aware of how deep and hard won her contentment ran. She was satisfied with her choices and in the knowledge that she ultimately had done the right things for herself. However, she'd be lacking a conscience if she didn't feel at least a little bit guilty about what had transpired with Sam Healy. She couldn't talk about that with anyone. Not with Gloria, not Nicky, and especially not with him. Avoidance seemed to be the only way forward, and though Healy might not understand why, the lack of eye contact or dialogue between them made it clear that things had changed in their relationship. Walls had been built and soon enough he would notice the closeness between her and Gloria which could only mean one thing: that he had been right all along, Red had used him, and now he had lost a friend.

That wasn't a pleasant thing to admit about herself so Red avoided thinking about him as much as she could. She channelled all of her attention onto Gloria and concentrated on soaking up every new thing about her that was revealed. Discovering Gloria and learning what made her her, was more fascinating than anything Red had ever uncovered in any book. It was unfortunate that she had hurt Healy in the process of getting to this point, and she knew it was cowardly not to have properly concluded things to him before moving on. However, it had been a hell of a ride reaching this level of self-acceptance and Red was not going to be dissuaded by anything or anyone else. A new journey was just beginning and she already had a feeling that it was going to be the most satisfying element of the brand-new life awaiting her.

Sitting out in the garden, currently vacated aside from themselves, it was easy for Red to forget where she was and the circumstances that had put her in here in the first place. She was even temporarily able to push thoughts and concerns for her children and anxieties for the future from the forefront of her mind. All that was real right now was the woman beside her, sharing the history and beliefs of herself that she felt ready to be open about. The woman who was always eager to kiss her whenever they happened to be away from lurking eyes, and who touching had begun to feel like the most natural thing in the world. As she listened to Gloria talk, Red could not keep her hand from crawling back and forth across the firm warmth of Gloria's thigh. She could never be close enough to her and both of them were completely unaware that they had company until the shadows of Nicky and Lorna were completely upon them.

"What are you girls doing here?" Red exclaimed in surprise. She consciously slid her hand off of Gloria's thigh and over to her own lap, but not before giving her an apologetic pat.

"It's prison, Ma. We all live here," Nicky replied cheekily. "You two are going to have to wait a little bit longer to get a place of your own to keep everybody else out of."

"And knowing you, you'd still come barging in whenever you pleased," Gloria retorted, bringing her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun.

"If you lock the door that shouldn't be a problem," Red teased, a blush burning into her pale cheeks as Gloria consciously pressed her leg against her own. "Nicky manages to lose her hairbrush every other day. I don't think she'll be much better with a key, will you honey?"

"You have no faith in me," Nicky complained, kicking her boot into the softly tiered soil. "I don't lose my hairbrush always, I just like the natural look. You always said it was cute."

"You're adorable," Red reassured her. "But you already know I think that. What do you really want?"

"Why do you always presume I want something?" Nicky frowned.

"Because you always do," Gloria replied. "You come visit us in the kitchen after nearly every meal to try and get extra of anything we have that is remotely edible."

"No way," Nicky disagreed, shaking her head. "You two have been bolting out of there so fast lately you're almost impossible to catch. Were you even at breakfast this morning?""

"I was doing Inventory counts in the back," Red informed her. "And you slept late, I assume…"

"Actually, for your information, Lorna and I were up early," Nicky replied. "We just had some business to attend to before we came to breakfast."

"Nicky!" Lorna exclaimed, blushing to her roots while Red rolled her eyes.

"You should have just said you were sleeping," Gloria replied. "What's the matter with you?"

"I'm honest," Nicky replied.

"She's a little girl with a big mouth," Red said, shaking her head though she looked bemused. She and Nicky were past the point of having any boundaries. As far as Nicky was concerned, oversharing was only designed to bring them closer. Red could only imagine what Yuri, Maxim, and Vasily would think if they ever heard the unfiltered way Nicky spoke to her. They never would have gotten away with talking like that, but Nicky had always been something else.

"You love me for it," Nicky said confidently.

Red nodded as her blue eyes twinkled up at her special girl. "Even when I don't know what to do with you," she admitted. "What kind of trouble are you girls up to now?"

"Same as everybody else," Lorna replied. "Enjoying the sunshine. Piper was running track earlier and now she and Alex are sitting together in the shade. Maybe we'll go hang out with them?"

"Yeah," Nicky nodded her agreement. "We'll leave you two alone...the way you seem to like it lately."

Without another word she leaned over to kiss Red's cheek affectionately and then she and Lorna turned to hurry back the way they had come to join their friends. Red and Gloria watched them leave in amusement, neither of them could ever deny that being alone was something they had been savouring ever since the night of the movie.

Gloria reached over for Red's hand and dragged it back over her own lap. She had been enjoying the traces Red had been drawing over her thigh with her fingertips. It still seemed incredible that their relationship had come to this. The attraction had been there but Gloria had never really expected them to cross over the lines of friendship. It just didn't seem right that something so wonderful could be found in such a discouraging environment, yet it had happened and now Gloria couldn't get enough. She didn't have much desire to display their relationship to everyone else and didn't want to share their business, but it had still bothered her to have Red create distance between them as soon as she'd spotted Nicky and Lorna. After all, those two girls were hardly examples of discretion. Red herself had admitted she'd lost track of how many times she'd had the misfortune of walking in on them together in the bathroom.

"You're such a pushover when it comes to that girl," Gloria teased, turning her head so that she could kiss Red's warm cheek and then the dimpled corner of her mouth. "Were you as indulgent with your sons?"

"Probably not," Red replied automatically.

Her fingers had resumed their stroking over Gloria's thighs as they sat there contentedly together. Without conscious thought, she began tracing out the letters of her name against the beige fabric of Gloria's pants. G-a-l-i-n-a….it was incredible the way being with Gloria was making her feel more like the woman she once had been before she'd gotten sent here. Even in the newness of their relationship, Red was already aware of Gloria helping her get back what she needed while they embarked together on a new beginning, that would include the best parts of themselves reconciled. They were on their way, and even if they hadn't yet put into words that this was something that would last well beyond the walls of Litchfield, it was something they both understood.

"Well…" Red contemplated after a moment's pause. She tapped her finger thoughtfully on Gloria's knee. "I suppose I was quite indulgent of my boys too. I was stern with them but my whole day-my whole life-centered around their wants and needs, and they knew it. The difference with them was that once they became teenagers, they naturally began to gravitate away from me and need me less. I can't imagine a time when Nicky won't need me, but maybe it's just different with daughters?"

"Not in my experience," Gloria scoffed, leaning over to rest her head against the top of Red' shoulder.

"Mmm," Red murmured, tilting her head against Gloria's and shutting her eyes. Despite knowing Gloria actually had four children, the situation with the older two still remained quite the mystery. She wasn't sure what to say that could help make Gloria feel a little better. Estrangement from your own children was one of the most painful things a person could endure.

"My sons always seemed to want me more than the girls did," Gloria sighed. "Valentina and Carmen could take me or leave me, I usually felt pretty irrelevant to them, to be honest. But with the boys...even if things aren't great, I still feel like I have more of a chance with them now. Something to look forward to... "

"There's lots to look forward to," Red whispered, giving Gloria's thigh a reassuring squeeze before crawling her fingertips over until she could reach to grasp Gloria's hand.

"I just hope they haven't outgrown the need of having a mother before I get out and get the chance to have at least a few years at home with them," Gloria confessed.

"They won't," Red said confidently, her lips twisting in guilt that her words about her own sons had brought up Gloria's own insecurities. "If anything, I think they'll need you more than the average child when that day comes."

"You think?" Gloria asked uncertainly.

"Julio and Benny are going to be so thrilled to have you home that they probably won't let you out of their sight," Red said encouragingly, as she turned her head so that she could press her lips to the side of Gloria's head for a kiss.

"Benny will probably try and use my homecoming as an excuse to skive of school," Gloria giggled. When Red tried to kiss her forehead again, Gloria tilted her head up so that she could catch her lips this time instead.

"You think?" Red whispered, before brushing Gloria's lips with her own a second time.

"Definitely," Gloria nodded confidently. "He used to use the excuse of loving and missing me so much to stay home from kindergarten."

"And did it work?" Red asked.

"Sometimes," Gloria admitted. "The little guy has always known exactly what to say."

"To flatter you?" Red asked.

"Or push my buttons," Gloria replied. "It depends what he is in the mood for. I warned you that he isn't easy."

"You've said that several times," Red reminded her.

"Okay...just, he won't be," Gloria chuckled nervously. "Last time I spoke with Lourdes she told me he was driving her up the wall and complained about his attitude for the full twenty-minute phone call."

"According to Vasily, Benny is a complete delight whenever he drives him," Red replied. "I guess the difference between him and your aunt is that Vasily isn't telling him what to do."

"There's that," Gloria agreed. "And also, I think both he and Julio benefit from being around older male figures. That's another thing that has really been lacking in their lives."

"Were they close with your boyfriend...Artichoke?" asked Red innocently.

"Artichoke?" Gloria's eyes widened. "Who?"

"Wasn't that his name?" Red asked in confusion.

"Uhh..no" Gloria replied, as she began to laugh. _Artichoke_...Arturo would have disliked that almost as much as Lourdes calling him "Lizard Lips". Arturo had never had much of a sense of humour about himself and sometimes it was hard to discern whether he would find something funny or insulting, depending on the day. His moods changed liked the winds, leaving him unpredictable and nearly impossible to figure out.

The good sides of him. The parts that had made Gloria fall in love with him in the first place…her sons had definitely enjoyed. Julio and Benny didn't know their own father. Arturo had been the man to carry them around on his shoulders, throw them up in the air, and play-wrestle on the living room floor when they were all watching Saturday morning cartoons. It was hard enough for Gloria to discern between the sides of her former partner that had made him alternate between a superhero and a monster. She could only imagine it would be even more difficult for children to sort out their feelings for such a complicated person, and she had never had the opportunity to ask them. She'd been arrested before she could see if they were okay, and the next time she had been allowed to talk to them they'd had even bigger fish to fry than Arturo's anger. And then he had died anyway.

She didn't know how to put all of that into words for Red just yet though. She didn't think she could understand and it was an irrelevant road to go down with her anyway, in Gloria's opinion. They were what mattered now and focusing on that was all Gloria wanted to do. Arturo had cost her a lot in the past. She wasn't going to let his ghost interfere on this perfect afternoon, with someone she was falling in love with. What she was feeling for Galina Reznikov was much stronger than how she had ever felt about her former boyfriend, or anyone else that had preceded him.

"I don't really think about him much," Gloria said, trying to detract from the original question as she crossed her leg around Red's so that they were linked. "And he was only in the boys lives for a short while in the grand scheme of things. They were close enough but I don't think they spare him much thought anymore either, or even remember him too well. They were still little and he wasn't a good man anyway..."

"You mean not good to you?" Red asked quietly.

Gloria pursed her lips and then leaned her head back against Red's shoulder so that she wouldn't have to look at her. She wanted to open up and be completely truthful, but she also didn't want to linger on a past that she felt had no bearing on the present.

"Sometimes," she whispered. "We had good times too...sometimes he blew me away with how romantic and devoted he could be. Other times, he was just...mean. And then the mean side of him began showing up more and more frequently until it seemed like that was all he was."

"Why didn't you leave?" Red asked, as though the solution was obvious. Her own marriage had hardly been a walk in the park and though it had often left her feeling frustrated and dissatisfied, she always figured if she'd been truly mistreated that she would have walked away without a backwards glance.

"It's not always that simple," Gloria replied softly. "It's hard to explain if you haven't been there...I wanted to leave. I was trying to leave….and that's basically why I wound up in here."

"What?" Red asked in astonishment.

"Food stamp fraud," Gloria said simply. "They threw the book at me in court and tried to make it seem like I was banking big bucks by deceiving the government, but all I was really trying to do was make enough money to pay the bills and save up to leave town with my sons…"

"Oh, Gloria…" Red whispered.

"You don't just end a relationship with someone like Arturo by telling him it's over and changing the locks," Gloria said dryly. "I was going to run away...and then I got sent here instead."

"And he died?"

"In a fire trying to steal the money I'd been hiding," Gloria said, clearing her throat loudly as her voice began to crack. "He knocked over one of about a hundred candles Lourdes had lit up in the back room. She's a bit of a nut and those candles were a tragedy waiting to happen, but Tia still claims it was the spirits of Santeria giving Arturo what he deserved."

"Well, I don't know if I believe that but either way, I'm not sorry it happened," Red growled.

Gloria nuzzled her cheek against Red's shoulder and sighed. She wasn't sorry that he was gone for good but she never would have wished such a death on anyone. It was complicated and it was in the past.

"It's all over now," Gloria said simply.

"Yes, it is," Red agreed, reaching a hand up to run her fingers through Gloria's short brown locks. Her eyes scanned out across the yard. In the distance she could see Nicky hanging out with Lorna, Alex, and some of the other girls by the picnic tables. Nicky's arms were waving around expressively and she had one knee resting on the bench, with all eyes on her. She was clearly the center of attention, entertaining them all, as only Nicky could.

Some work men were over by the fence and they both turned to watch them as they sat silently together, the full impact of Gloria's story still weighing down heavily on both of their hearts. Red caressed Gloria's hair one more time and then drew her arm down the length of Gloria's arm and then around her completely, hoping her presence could be exactly what Gloria needed it to be. She wanted to be everything she could be for her.

"Do you believe everything happens for a reason?" asked Gloria.

"No," Red answered bluntly, without hesitation.

Gloria laughed. "Galina…"

"I think a lot of things happen that make absolutely no sense," Red replied honestly.

"Or we just aren't capable of understanding the reason why yet," Gloria countered, "but sometimes things just line up and something incredible could have never existed if not for the bad stuff…. like you and me."

"Well, I'll always be grateful for finding you," Red admitted softly. "And Nicky too...what would I do without that girl? I wish we hadn't all wound up in prison though just to cross paths. We're all from New York. Why didn't we run into one another at a cafe or something?"

"I could have come into your market one day for a coffee or something," Gloria smiled. She reached her hand around Red's shoulder and leaned forward to kiss her lips. "Do you think you would have noticed me?"

"How could I not?" Red asked. "Aside from being a Latina in the Russian market, I've always noticed you in here...even when you bothered me."

"Bothered you about things I had absolutely no control over," Gloria rolled her eyes up at the sky. "But that's okay...I'll still keep you. I don't want to ever know a day without you again."

"You won't ever have to," Red reminded her. "I feel the exact same way."

Gloria sat up straighter and nodded her head slowly.

"And you don't think that will change once you're out of here?" she asked, looking Red directly in the eye. "You're going to go home and be out in the world, and I will still be in here for a little while."

"You know that won't make a difference," Red replied.

Gloria compressed her lips anxiously. "I'm scared that it will," she admitted. "I know we both want this to last, but what if it can't? I haven't sugar coated anything...you know Benny is going to be a challenge and when I get home, my life needs to be about getting him and Julio back on track. You'll be okay with that?"

"Gloria, I'm a mother too," Red reminded her. "Of course, I'm okay with that."

"And money…. finding a job," Gloria stroked her hair back and took a deep breath. "F*ck... sometimes I don't even know where I'm going to begin once I'm out."

"You're not going to be doing it alone," Red said firmly. "I can promise you that. And I will always try to be whatever you need me to be…. because...I love you."

To hear those words, keenly felt in both hearts but verbalized for the first time filled Gloria with a calmness where mere seconds before there had been strain. She could feel every part of her body begin to relax as she reached for Red's hand and squeezed it tightly. Red might be cynical about there being a plan and a reason for everything, but Gloria knew in the depths of her soul that everything that had led up to this moment, the good and the bad, had been preparing her for this love and this life. They were going to be okay. Even better, they were going to be happy.

"I love you, too," Gloria whispered. Her hand reached up to caress Red's cheek as she drew her in closer for a kiss.

It was as though they never could get enough of one another. Her taste, her touch...all of it left Gloria breathless and needing more. They stayed connected, breaking apart only when they needed air. Gloria linked her arms around Red's neck in a hug and as she began to focus in on the rest of the setting around them, her eyes widened in alarm.

"What the…"

"What's wrong?" Red murmured, pulling back so that she could look to see what had caught Gloria's attention.

"What are they doing?" she wondered aloud, as she watched over a hundred women come thundering by, over to the fence where the work men had just cut a huge hole.

Red's eyes immediately flashed over to where she had last seen Nicky and the others. The picnic table was vacant and nobody was around there anymore.

"Where's Nicky?" she asked worriedly.

"Probably already through the fence," Gloria laughed, standing up and reaching for Red's hand to pull her along. "Come on, let's go!"

"What?" Red exclaimed.

"Maybe they're expanding the yard, maybe they're letting us go free for all we know," Gloria said, as she began leading the way towards the fence where the last few stragglers were disappearing through. They couldn't punish everyone in the camp after all.

"I'm pretty sure there's a lake down there," Red said happily, getting in the spirit of things as they quickened their pace. Together they slipped through the massive hole in the fence and down the slope into the woods where they could see the bright blue of water flashing invitingly below.

"You want to go swimming?" Gloria asked with a smile, squeezing her hand excitedly.

"I'll put my feet in," Red compromised, but she was getting excited too.

She and Gloria reached the water and wasted no time before slipping their shoes and socks off, and rolling the bottoms of their pants up. The sun on the sand made their feet warm and glimmered off of the water, that was filled with jubilant inmates having more fun than they had in years. The water was cool but refreshing, and felt so good on her feet and calves that Red almost was tempted to go in even further. She may as well have…

She caught sight of Nicky who was completely drenched to the top of her head, and the girl wasted no time splashing over in the water to engulf her mother in a hug.

"You'll dry," Nicky told her cheekily, "I just needed to come over and tell you that I love you."

She didn't wait around for a reply, flashing Red a smile before diving back under the water to swim over to where Lorna and the others were waiting. Red shook her head as she looked down at her damp shirt from where her daughter had hugged her, but she didn't really care. They had all come so far and gotten there together. Nicky was happy and healthy, Gloria loved her and they were going to have a future together. She had a family waiting at home that already was accepting Nicky, and even Gloria's sons, as their own. Life was good.

 **Thank you to everyone who stuck with this story to the end.**


End file.
